Support please x

[KittensandKnitting]

I have had six miscarriages, four this year and i am going out of my mind.

Friday will be the due date of my baby that I managed to keep for seven weeks. This was my second miscarriage, but the one that physically knocked me off my feet. I passed this one whilst at the EPU, it was horrible in so many ways.

I really am at a loss of how to deal with it, nothing seems to help. I did have baby cremated and I'm thinking of scattering ashes whilst sending of a single white balloon but am finding this week so hard to deal with.

I can't see a pregnant lady without breaking down, I just don't know how to cope - I've been so strong with all the other miscarriages I've gone through but now I'm just at breaking point, it's like all of the pain and hurt is hitting me with full force and I just don't know what to do.

I feel so very alone, it's like nobody goes through this many and I've stayed so strong throughout it all but now I'm just breaking and trying desperately to distract myself with stupid AIBU things but really I'm just a mess and need a big hug! My DP is away until tomorrow couldn't be helped with work and my mum is on holiday, the world doesn't stop and now I'm rambling sorry!

[SingingMyOwnSpecialSong]

I am so sorry for your losses. I wish there was something I could say to help. Hugs xx

[SingingMyOwnSpecialSong]

Does your EPU have support in place, counselling, links to bereavement charities, etc. Perhaps you could give them a call tomorrow.

[KittensandKnitting]

singing those virtual hugs, I am very grateful for they really do help a little.

I've been in a bubble for months of it will be ok, and over the past few days I've just been slowly melting.

I am talking to a psychotherapist and see them tomorrow, I think that brings it up more in my mind, rest of the time it's like I'm in a bit of bubble of grief then hope then grief again. I need to somehow shake myself up again

[SingingMyOwnSpecialSong]

Hi Kittens

How are things today?

[KittensandKnitting]

Hi singing,

yesterday was an ok day, today has been incredibly difficult, as it would have been my due date and that's been so difficult to get through as the thoughts of "what if" have been more in my mind than ususal but we have managed with lots of support for each other and kindness made it through.

so whilst incredibly difficult I do feel more on an even keel so to speak and think it now, hopefully may just get a little easier.

Thank you so much for asking

[SingingMyOwnSpecialSong]

Glad yesterday was better and that your RL support is home. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is for you, one MMC had me falling apart. Take it a day (or minute) at a time, and take all the support you can get. Hope there are many brighter things waiting for you.

[KittensandKnitting]

Just wanted to pop back in to say thank you for the kind words, it's a very difficult and lonley place to be, I just hope something good happens soon for you too