Stumbling across this section has helped me realise that I'm not the only one going through this awful ordeal right now.
I miscarried back in January just before my 12 week scan, and was given an inconclusive "possible ectopic" prognosis. That was my first pregnancy and my first experience of that particular NHS department. After a subsequent check up scan and being given the all clear, I was thrilled to fall again very quickly. At 6 weeks and after strong pains in one side I was sent straight to the EPU where the ultrasound operator bluntly said she suspected I had a blighted ovum as they would have expected to see far more at that stage. I was told to come back in 10 days to see if there had been any progress, as if there hadn't, I'd need to discuss taking certain measures.
I'm sure some of you know what those 10 days were like! I was a nervous miserable wreck. My husband was getting so sick of me by day 9 and told me I needed to snap out of it, it wasn't ectopic so I should just be positive. He was very much "told you so" when the next day we saw a heartbeat. Quite possibly the best moment of my life.
I started to get pains again in my left hip this weekend, but as they came to nothing a few weeks ago, and after reading that stretching pains are totally normal at around week 10, I tried to put it out of my mind. Yesterday however, the pains hadn't stopped and I found a single pale pinky brown drop in my underwear. I was instantly petrified, as this was the first sign that something wasn't right last time.
I had a tiny bit more yesterday afternoon and then nothing more but decided to call my doctor just to ask his advice (if the pains get worse call back, otherwise if it's a miscarriage, there's nothing anyone can do. Call back tomorrow).
I woke up this morning and with my heart going a million miles to the dozen, I visited the bathroom - the relief to find nothing there was indescribable.
About an hour later though I found another darker brown spot. Then another, so I called the doctor. He said he was able to get me an appointment at the EPU but not until tomorrow morning.
My husband went off to work so I called my mum & left a voicemail to say I wouldn't be in to work today (we have a family business) and half an hour later she had called to say that she had managed to get an appointment at a private clinic (she is desperate to be a grandmother) for 3 this afternoon as she wanted to put my mind at ease.
We went along, and when the lady couldn't find anything with the over the stomach wand, I knew things weren't good. She sent me out to the bathroom so she could do a TVS. Now, the worst part of this whole horrible experience was that on the wall in front of me and my mum who was tightly gripping my hand, was a huge flatscreen. When she found the sac and the tiny little bean inside, I could instantly see there was no flashing heartbeat this time.
She was wonderful about it and so gentle and kind in her delivery, but I can still hear her saying "I'm so sorry, it's not good news".
Actually, scratch that, the worst part was when I opened the folder with her report in it, they had tucked behind it the pictures of my dead baby.
I was pretty numb all the way home. It was when we got back that the tears started, and they haven't stopped. To see my mum crying broke my heart all over again.
I can't believe this has happened again. My husband is of the opinion that there was only the beginnings of something there and can't seem to understand my utter devastation.
I called the EPU before heading to bed to explain what had happened but they said that I will still need to go in and they will have to do another internal scan as they would not recognise the one from the clinic.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can go through the pain of miscarrying on my own again but I also can't face another TVS tomorrow knowing what I do.
Has anyone got any advice? Should I just face this alone? I do have private healthcare that I've paid for 6 years and never used - has anyone gone down that route for an ERPC?
I also know the NHS won't refer me to a specialist until I have a 3rd miscarriage. Has anyone seen a specialist privately - is there any point?
I'm just so confused and sad right now. The thought that the little thing that I've become so attached to over the last 10 weeks is dead inside me is almost too much to bear - I'm petrified of what's coming next.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Missed miscarriage at 10 weeks - any advice appreciated
6 replies
Lonelyfox · 10/05/2016 23:53
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