Feel sad about going out for drinks

[FrazzleRock]

I had a MMC about two months ago at just under nine weeks. It was terribly unexpected as I've never experienced a MC before. I have two healthy DC from a previous relationship.
I have also just had another MC this weekend gone, but we had only just found out so this time it was very early.
I'm supposed to be going out for drinks tomorrow night with friends (work leaving drinks). I haven't been out and let my hair down since before I became pregnant the first time, but I'm really struggling with the idea of it, and it makes me feel so sad. I shouldn't be going out drinking, I should be at home stroking my bump and feeling my baby kick and wriggle around.
I've gained so much weight since I discovered I was pregnant the first time and I feel so horrible. Not only do I have no baby, I have baby weight that I can't even be bothered to do anything about.
I used to run loads, 3/4 times a week and enter loads of races. I haven't run since January and I wobble all over. I feel disgusting.

I've just lost so much. My babies, my figure, my fitness, the fun I used to have. And I don't know how to get it back, or even if I'm ready to get it back.
I thought I was doing ok. Then Saturday morning we got our wonderful BFP and we were overjoyed to be given a second chance. Then 5 hours later I began bleeding and heavily. I'm still heavily bleeding now and I'm wiped out.

I know the way I'm feeling is probably exacerbated by exhaustion from blood loss as this MC has been very very heavy. I've been checked over and had a scan yesterday so I know, physically, I'm fine. But I just feel so sad tonight and DP is out until late with a friend.
I don't know how I'm going to cope tomorrow night, but I also don't want to miss another night out with my favourite work mates.
Most of them know what's happened, and I'm pretty sure they all think I need a good night out.

I miss having fun.

[LostInTheTriangle]

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a shit time of it.
Miscarriages take a huge physical and mental toll.
From what you've written, I think that getting fit, losing the weight you've gained and being kind to yourself will put you back on the road to feeling a bit like your old self.
A night out will make you sad, as you rightly said, but it will be good for your soul to reconnect with people and get out of the house.
After my last miscarriage (I've now had 2 consecutive mmc at 9 & 11w) I spent a month feeling really sad and sorry for myself and comfort eating, mainly chocolate.
I began April 1 by ditching the chocolate and joining a gym I had wanted to join for ages, but had been putting off thinking, "I'll be pregnant and feeling awful, it's not worth it."
Fast forward a month and although I still have my down days I am back to fighting weight, eating well and feeling ready to ttc again, gulp.
Have also taken Floradix to try and build myself up again.
Hope you do get yourself out and start feeling better soon.

[FrazzleRock]

Thanks so much for your response, Lost. I was having a particulary emotional evening, I was just so tired. Still feeling nervy about tonight, I don't know why. It just feels so weird, like I shouldn't be drinking.

I really need to get back into the swing of things though. I was going to start running again today but I am going to take Feroglobin for a few days and get my strength back so will begin on Monday. I hate this added weight. It's not much but it makes all my clothes so uncomfortable. I wouldn't mind it if I had a baby to show for it.

I am looking forward to tonight. I really miss the social aspect of my job, as I'm generally a very sociable person.

I hope TTC goes well for you and maybe I'll see you on the pregnancy boards soon