Miscarriage?

[misselphaba]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and two days ago had an intense shooting pain in my bum (had similar during previous labour and ovulation for a few months after having DD). Think hot poker up the bum. After that, I felt pressure in my bum, like bearing dowb but the shooting pain didn't reoccur. I was feeling a bit constipated so put it down to that. Sorry for the tmi.

A few hours later, I noticed really light pink discharge on wiping. It was light enough that I couldn't be sure if it was just the lighting in the bathroom. This continued yesterday, getting a lot darker and lots more of it, but still pink rather than red. Its definitely vaginal.

Today, it seems to be turning brown so I assume its old blood and whatever caused it was a day or two ago. Problem is I don't know what caused it. I'm assuming miscarriage but maybe there would be more blood?

I'm not in any pain. My stomach feels a tiny bit crampy but if it wasn't for the spotting, I'd put it down to uterus stretching/eating too many leftover Christmas chocolates/nothing serious.

I've got my dating scan on Monday so not too long to wait. But seeing as I've now just about read every Google hit on '12 weeks spotting' and am none the wiser, I thought I'd start my own.

Sorry if this is really insensitive.

[misselphaba]

My three year old knows about the pregnancy because I'm an idiot and I don't know how I'm going to tell her if it is bad news on Monday. She's been through so much lately, so much and I can't bear it for her, the poor thing.

[misselphaba]

I've just woken up and done the morning toilet paper check that happens a million times a day now. It seemed to have stopped first of all, no pink discharge but then a small amount of darker red blood came with a more viscous bit/looked a bit like a small clot. This is definitely a bad sign. At least I haven't got too much longer to wait. My scan is tomorrow afternoon.

[amysmummy12345]

No advice lovely, but good luck for tomorrow xxx

[CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt]

I've been pregnant twice, but one ended in mc. I bled with both pregnancies - so doesn't always mean a mc.

Best of luck OP, hope it's nothing to worry about

[RoTo72]

Good luck for tomorrow op.

[misselphaba]

Thanks, both of you. I don't know what to make of it all now. I was having period type cramps and pain behind my pelvic bone but that's stopped now. I've prepared myself for the worst. At least I've had warning and I'm not walking into the scan expecting everything to be fine.

[redstrawberries101]

All the best tomorrow OP, could go either way.. Let us know what happens. I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks it was dreadful not having had any warning signs. Be kind to yourself though a miscarriage is tough regardless of signs. Hopefully it won't come to that

[misselphaba]

It was bad news. The foetus stopped developing weeks ago apparently. Round about the time that I had a private scan, where they saw a heart beat. I should be 13 weeks now and CRL matched for around 6 weeks. I don't understand how I've carried this around for 6-7 weeks and all I've had is some very light bleeding.

I started cramping, like ovulation pains just before I went into the scan so I knew before I went in that was it.

I'm an idiot for telling my daughter. I don't know what to say. I don't want to scare her or worry her.

I have to go back to the hospital to be scanned again in 7 days to check that I've passed everything. I've got an exam on Friday which I think I'll have to cancel, won't I? Or will it be ok? The cramps have stopped again now and the bleeding has been so light. I don't know what to expect now. I didn't think to ask at the hospital.

[redstrawberries101]

Hi op sorry to hear your news I had my 12 week scan booked but went into Hosp with a UTI which turned sepsis. On 11+6 they took me down for a scan on the kidneys (I didn't know it was scheduled they just came to collect me) and they looked at the baby and it had stopped growing at about 8.5 weeks. I couldn't understand how I didn't know either. Apparently the hormones keep rising and placenta etc grows until body realises that it didn't survive.

Do you know if you have passed the sac? If your bleeding has been light only I imagine there is more to come. I'm not sure how much bleeding to expect for 6 weeks. I think you will feel better if you cancel your exam, could you explain the situation? Be easy on yourself.. The physical side is one thing (it's good to know what to expect- there is a thread about the practicalities of miscarriage which I found really useful.) but the emotional side is really tough too.

It's not your fault you told your daughter. You weren't to know and don't beat yourself up...

[misselphaba]

I'm so sorry, Melvali that you've been through this. It's horrendous. How long has it been now for you since it happened? I'll have a look at that thread you suggested.

I don't think I've passed anything as such. The bleeding has been more like pink discharge at this point. Oh God, I don't want to think about what happens next.

I've had cramps the whole time, tbh which makes sense now in hindsight. But this pregnancy has been so different than my first that I just put it down to that. I had no pregnancy symptoms last time. This time I felt sick, tired, sore boobs etc. I remember sitting in a lecture at around 7 weeks and feeling ovulation type pains and pushing sensations down into my bum, which I've also had today and I wonder why my body didn't pass it then, if it had already stopped developing. I shouldn't say 'it' but I don't know what else to say. My daughter had named it, if it was a girl but I can't go there.

[spilttheteaagain]

Oh lovely I am so sorry to hear this, it's sickening when you realise your baby hasn't been developing right for ages and you didn't know. I have been there.

Please don't beat yourself up about your daughter, they are much less freaked out/uncomfortable around grief and loss than adults, I think maybe they are the wise ones. I have a 4 year old DD and we've just recently told her about our pregnancy loss. She wanted to look at scan photos to understand it and asked questions and had a cry and cuddled me whilst I cried and seemed to absorb it all. Next day she was explaining to my dad very matter of factly about "the baby that couldn't survive because half it's brain was missing!" (we had a diagnosis of anencephaly) and she doesn't seem especially troubled. It's just a thing that has happened and the deeper pain and loss that we feel is something she is too young to grasp at all so it's totally gone over her head. I think what I'm trying to say is she will almost certainly handle it better than you expect, don't panic, you won't have traumatised her. I think the more truthful you can be in your explanations the better it is for them, but people all approach it differently. I hope she's ok.

Everyone's experience of miscarriage is very different but I would get in a good stash of pads, and always carry a few pads, spare pants and nappy sacks when you're out in case of any sudden surprises. Similarly make sure you have painkillers to hand. I found hot water bottles really helped with the pain. And if you can line up support in terms of childcare in case you need it that would be wise. I hope it's straightforward and not too awful for you physically, but it can be tough so best to be prepared. Have you got a phone number for the hospital? You could always phone and ask your questions/ask someone to call you so you can ask?

Thinking of you.

[redstrawberries101]

Split the tea has given some excellent advice. Defo get the painkillers in so your as comfortable as poss (if that's even possible).

It is two weeks today that I had the scan and it will be two weeks tomorrow that I miscarried (I had medical management). In hindsight I also had cramps and the discharge picked up quite a bit (didn't have blood in it though) but I thought it was normal. It was my first pregnancy so I had no idea what to expect really. I did have spotting around week 5 but a scan at week 6 showed a heartbeat. Furthermore I had preg symptoms the whole time. My nipple was even leaking a day before the scan. It feels like a horrible trick doesn't it that the body plays on you. I do keep worrying about next time and how I'm going to relax but I keep reminding myself that I have every chance to have a successful pregnancy next time around.

It's really tough but be kind to yourself xx

[misselphaba]

spilttheteaagain Children are indeed the wise ones. When I told DD yesterday, she lifted up my top and spoke to the baby. She told it that 'baby, we really wanted you but you're not growing so you have to go upto Heaven and we'll get a balloon and let it go for you,' which was a fantastic paraphrase of the explanation I'd just provided. It was beautiful and helped me to reconnect to the idea that there is a baby in there as I had disconnected from it and was/am seeing it as a foetus. I still think like that but it's important to remember that to DD, it's her baby. Thank you for your tips. My spotting has stopped so I don't know what to expect. In hindsight, I can see that the EPU nurse was implying that I wouldn't miscarry naturally and it would need management. I wish they could be a bit more to the point, blunt even, tbh. It's no good implying things to a patient who just received such horrible news as I certainly didn't question it at the time and it was only in the early hours that I started to realise what she meant.

Melvali It is a cruel trick. Missed miscarriage was, like most people, my biggest fear hence the early scan to detect a heart beat. I was reassuring myself just last week that the chances of it happening were so low. 1% maybe. How are you feeling now, a couple of weeks on?

Comparing the diagnostic report I was given at the early scan with the info I photographed yesterday from the sonographers report, it looks like there has been a fair bit of shrinkage and the foetus probably stopped developing later on than what the crl suggests. That fits in with what was seen on the scan yesterday. Shrinkage wasn't a term I was familiar with until this weekend and I find it horrifying, tbh. I didn't ask anything yesterday but I feel like I should be prepared to see what I pass, if it does occur naturally. The hospital didn't say that I could call them and I wouldn't know who to call anyway. Dies anyone know if there are any organisations that might have more info? I'm 13 weeks today and although the foetus has shrunk and is tiny, I don't know what else to expect to come out. Especially as I don't have any bleeding.

I'm feeling very ok and pragmatic about all this but lacking in information about what now.

[spilttheteaagain]

You could try the Miscarriage Association? link They have a phone line manned 9-4 weekdays and could probably give you some information. The thing is, like birth, someone can give you an idea of possible scenarios but no one can tell you what will happen to you. I know it's horrible to think about, but the fact that you believe there has been shrinkage suggests I think that your body is starting to deal with it naturally. However it could still be a while from now before it's done.

Another route could be to go and see your GP to see what they can tell you, or whether they can help you with options. Basically there are three ways pregnancy loss can happen: naturally, medically or surgically, and at this stage I would have thought it totally reasonable to start asking about medical and surgical options if you wanted to get it over with asap. I don't want to try and give you an idea of what you'll see or how it will be as my experiences were both later on so are likely to not be very useful to you. I will say though that the medical management I had between Christmas & New Year has still not bloody finished, I am still having bouts of pain and clots and am utterly sick of it, so it certainly doesn't guarantee speed! It can certainly be very stop starty so keep wearing pads even if you aren't seeming to need them.

Your DD sounds adorable, what a lovely thing to say, and a beautiful way to say goodbye, you must be so proud of her.

[misselphaba]

Thankyou. You're right, there are no certainties so it probably wouldn't do any good to call anyone anyway. I just like facts and figures all tied up in a neat little bundle so I can know exactly what happened and when. But, I agree, imo birth and so far miscarriage don't work like that.

[misselphaba]

You're still dealing with it all after this long?No wonder you're sick of it. You poor thing. My gosh, I had no idea of what people go through. I'm so sorry. You sound so strong.

[lenibose]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. Including the fact that I had told DS who was so so excited to be a big brother. I am not pregnant yet, and I look at him sometimes and my heart breaks when I think of how excited he was then. But kids cope, and he seems to have forgotten all about the baby for the most part. I spoke to various friends who had miscarriages and eventually had an ERPC. I had to go into the EPU for a few scans and then they set a date for the ERPC. It was on a Thursday. I took Friday off work and just sat around and watched TV. And then was back to work on Monday. Physically I was fine, mentally I was up and down for a lot longer.

[spilttheteaagain]

I had a bit of a foot stamping temper tantrum earlier when the clotty bleeding started up again. Very mature. It just feels like such a total waste of time. So much time. And this limbo bit waiting to get into "normal" territory again like a cycle and the possibility of ttc seems to be stretching on and on and it's infuriating. I am still fretting and stressing about the possibility that it will not complete by itself and after all this I may still need to go back to hospital for a D&C or something, I don't feel out of the woods until it's done if that makes sense?

The other thing actually that's worth doing is getting a few pregnancy tests - the cheap strip ones off of Amazon/ebay work fine ime, but so that you can test after a while to see that you get a negative test eventually, i.e that the loss is complete and your body knows it's not pregnant anymore, hormones back to normal etc. Mine is now just a faint positive so I'm hopeful that it's getting there. If glacially slowly (or so it feels!)

I know what you mean about wanting info and facts, I am just the same. I hate %ages and chances, they feel like a cop out! Good luck. Have a browse maybe of some threads in this section, there are a lot of people who've had 1st trimester mmc and reading their experiences may help you feel prepared?

[redstrawberries101]

OP, I am doing ok thanks. Whatever that means! Just taking it a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time. The hormones are settling I believe but like split the tea, I just want it over now. I'm still bleeding but very little. It's more like a discharge with blood in it now. Everyday I think it's over and then there's some more. It's only happening once a day at the most now. But that's enough to not have closure if you know what I mean.

[juneau]

OP once you've had your second scan you can request an ERPC if you don't want to have to go through a miscarriage. Its a small operation done under GA to remove whatever is there and having had one myself I found it a very good way to 'deal with things' and get it all over and done with quickly and without me having to really see anything. I'm sure you'll be talked through your options on Fri, but I just wanted to say that medical management isn't the only option.

[misselphaba]

I had no idea that it took so long. It's ridiculous really because I have a family member and close friends who have had recurrent miscarriages and I didn't know the process.

I'm outraged on their behalf that they haven't been able to talk about it. I was just at the GPs getting a note to cover me for missing this exam tomorrow and she said similar. That people don't really talk about it. Jesus, either that or I'm a social monster because I've told people. I didn't really keep the pregnancy quiet though, so I've had to tell those that did know, something. I didn't tell everyone like last time but family knew and quite a few friends.

Those bloody private scans and their false reassurance. There is no reassurance and certainly not before the second trimester. Next time, I'll either not bother with extra scans at all or I'll be up there every other week!

I'm leaning towards ERCP. If nothing's happened by my appointment on Monday at the EPU I'll for that.

The cramps build up through the day but then disappear once I'm in bed. They're starting again now. Each day is a bit worse and yesterday evening, it was bad enough that I thought it might be building upto something. I stocked up on pads and new knickers but then as soon as I got into bed, the pain stopped. The spotting is still minimal. I wondered if it was like labour and I'd be better off going for a long walk. I though about getting the yoga ball out and having a bounce around on that to get things moving before realising I was being ridiculous. It feels like the days before going into labour. The anticipation and nerves and just wanting it all over with. My head is treating it like I'm waiting to go into labour, basically.

I think I'm better off concentrating on my work, assuming nothing is going to happen naturally and mentally booking myself in for the EPRC.

[spilttheteaagain]

It's not ridiculous that you didn't know. As you say, people just don't say. I think my friends think that 3-4 weeks on I am probably feeling better in myself now - certainly the messages of support/how are yous have tailed right off. As it is the loss is still ongoing never mind the emotional train wreck! You're right, it is rubbish that we feel unable to be very open. Half of that is because people can be so dismissive of pregnancy loss with flippant platitudes like "it just wasn't meant to be/it's natures way/it was for the best" which are all very cruel and hurtful when you have lost your baby.

I'm certainly talking more about this loss than I did about my first and it does help to at least tell people that I'm having a hard day/a weepy day/low day/angry day - reminds them all is still far from well.

I think private scans have their place - certainly I have used them to keep anxiety in check, but all they tell you is that things are ok up til now - nothing about the future, and I did have them with that in mind.

With this pregnancy I've just lost I had scans at 6 weeks and at 9.5 weeks both looking fine. It was only at 12 weeks that the sonographer was able to identify the lethal abnormalities in the baby's brain. The fetal consultant who confirmed it said you couldn't see this until at least 11 weeks so the early scans hadn't misled, they just couldn't have seen. In some ways I am lucky - my GP said actually even 10 years ago they wouldn't have been able to diagnose my baby's problems until the 20 week scan, so it would have all gone on a lot longer. My first daughter was a 20 week mmc, so I know how horrific that could have been and am grateful at least that it was earlier than that.

I'm glad you've got another appointment lined up with the EPU. It being a few days away does at least give you the chance to weigh up the treatment options and think of questions etc.

I know what you mean about preparing as if for labour. Thing is, it can be very similar. Ultimately it's your cervix opening and your uterus contracting to empty itself, so if you've been through a labour already you can at least spot the contracting sensation and use any tools you found helped you in early labour before. I found getting DH to very firmly rub/massage my lower back really helped, it gave my brain a different sensation to focus on and distracted me from the building pain. Hot water bottle helped too, as did sitting on the loo backwards and breathing calmly.

Hopefully if you want the ERPC the above is all unnecessary and you won't have to experience it. Lots of people say the ERPC is very quick and left them with no pain and only light bleeding, and if you choose it, I hope that is your experience.
The stop/starty pain sounds about as irritating as my stop/starty clotty bleeding. It do feel a bit "shit or get off the pot" about it all and have infact said that to my abdomen in a fit of frustration!

It is stressful though, I really feel for you. Hope you can manage it in the way that is best for you x

[redstrawberries101]

Hope your feeling ok today split the tea. I'm just it easy (ironic!) before work tomorrow. Xx

[spilttheteaagain]

Have replied on the other thread Mel to save hijacking another!

[misselphaba]

I had a scan today but I can't be offered any management until I get scanned again, next Monday due to 7mm tolerance and it measuring slightly bigger today, probably measurement error. They can't rule out viability until next week.

The sac is measuring 12 weeks and the sonographer didn't think it would pass on its own. Just after that I coughed and a clot came out, which hasn't happened before so maybe it will happen naturally.

I laughed with the sonographer about the size of the sac whilst I was being scanned, I laughed with the nurses when I felt the clot come out. It all seemed so tragically funny, or something. It's not, of course. Not really. But it just seems so ridiculous to be walking around, going to lectures, food shopping all the while waiting for the sac carrying the baby I loved and wanted to pass. Although, I started spotting eleven days ago now and I had the initial scan a week ago so it's becoming the new normal, this staye of limbo. I'll be relieved but sad too when it's all over. I imagine that's when it will really hit me. Once the wait is over.

I won't be TTC for the foreseeable future (at least 3 years) and I desperately wanted my daughter to have a sibling. I hate the idea of her ever feeling alone. I am grateful for all that I've already got and it seems almost trivial to worry about siblings when i have this beautiful child already. I just feel like I'm letting her down. I'm angry about the miscarriage. Disappointed and angry.