Coping with a miscarriage

[Freya84]

Hi, I'm looking for a bit of advice.
I had a miscarriage back in March, I was 8 weeks along and it was my first pregnancy, until then I wasn't sure that I wanted children. I have been unable to grieve for some reason and have sunk into depression (I have suffered with depression and anxiety for 15 years) and have random panic attacks. I am receiving counselling sporadically, but I'm not sure if it's helping. One of my close friends is pregnant and all I can think is "Why you , why not me?" and I feel awful for it. I have lost the ability to make decisions, my counselor has suggested that I take time off work to allow myself to grieve and deal with my emotions but I can not decide if this is the best thing for me. I feel as though I have lost a part of me. My husband ( who is very supportive) and I are trying to conceive as that is what we both really want. We've been trying for 3 months now and nothing. I feel numb but at the same time lost and empty.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? I was told that with time I would feel better, but I feel worse!
Thank you in advance.

[MerdeAlor]

Hi Freya
What a terrible experience for you and you DP

Grief and trauma are strange things, they will make your brain foggy, stop you making decisions, make you tired etc. It is awful but it is how your brain copes.

You had your MC in March? That's very recent, there is no timescale to how quickly you can get over a MC. If you add anxiety about TTC into grieving too, it's a lot of pressure on you.

You will feel all sorts of difficult emotions about other womens pregnancys - why them and not you, jealousy, anger. Many of us have experienced those emotions, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I have had 5mc. It was a terrible, terrible time. BUT, I got over it and learned to live with it and you will too.

You will be OK again OP, give youself time and kindness.

[Freya84]

Thank you MerdeAlor for your kind words and I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages, you must be a very strong person to have come through the other side.
I went to the Drs and they gave me a sick note for four weeks. My line manager was and is very understanding. I feel a little lost not having to go to work but I do feel that it's what I need. I do hope it helps, the date for my friends baby shower has been sorted and I really want to be there for her.

[MerdeAlor]

Like a lot of experiences in life, I look back to my miscarriage years and can't believe how awful it was.
You have made the right decision to take some time off. Rest, recouperate, do lovely things.

Have you considered getting in touch with the miscarriage association? I understand that they have local support groups. It massively helps to speak to others who are going through the same thing as you. You stop feeling isolated and scared.

[Freya84]

Thanks MerdeAlor, I will look into that