Advice please - mmc at 8+4 and frightened about what's going to happen

[Weareboatsremember]

Hi
Today I had an early scan privately and there was no heartbeat - the baby had died a couple of days ago. As its Saturday I can't contact anyone medical until Monday and it's horrible to have to wait and see what they will say then.

I have to go to the gp on Monday to be referred to the epu, but I don't know what's going to happen next. The thought of waiting for another 7-10 days to see if my much wanted pregnancy passes at home is killing me, and the idea that I would catch the foetus in a pad or the toilet and throw it away or flush it makes me feel sick. Really I want the hospital to remove it so it's over with, but how about if they don't have that as an option? And what do I do about work? I'm a teacher and can't take tons of time off, but I can't go to work and have a miscarriage in the middle of a lesson can I? I don't know what to do, I never even contemplated the fact that this pregnancy would end badly, it's come as such a horrendous heartbreaking shock.
I know there's excellent advice on this board, and have been reading the advice thread, but it makes me veer between panic and reassurance!

[brickiemum2]

Sorry for your loss and massive shock boats I've recently been through the same myself and posted very similar. We're all here to hold your hand. Firstly work.....you need to put yourself first here and not worry about work, they will cope and you have the legal right to be absent for as long as you need for a miscarriage. It's classed as maternity related sickness and therefore cannot be held against you at work at all...you are legally protected. Add to that how could you possibly concentrate and teach when you're constantly wondering if you've started bleeding or if that was a cramp. Go to your gp on Monday, get the referral to epau and get a fit note signing you off.
Realistically from my experience at this early stage the nhs may want to scan you on Monday them a week or two later to ensure its just not a mix up with dates...that's NICE protocol. If that then confirms a mmc then you will be offered either expectant management (wait for nature) medical management (pills and pass everything in hospital) or surgical which can be under general (erpc) or local (mva)
Have a look here www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/information/management-of-miscarriage/

[Flower29]

So so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible thing to have to go through. Your local epu should be open at the weekend too so I would call them tomorrow and they should see you if you explain what's happened. I'm not sure if you're aware of your options but usually they'll offer natural, medical or surgical management. From personal experience I have had natural and management so if you'd like any further info please let me know. I hope you get seen soon, take care. X

[Weareboatsremember]

Thank you for your responses and sorry for your losses too ladies. I don't think I can wait a fortnight to see what happens - the scan today dated the foetus at 8+4 with no heartbeat, surely they wouldn't need to wait a fortnight to see if a heartbeat magically appeared? This is all so incredibly distressing. I worry about having too much time off work, not for myself but for some of my classes - I have lots of exam groups and they'd end up with a non-specialist supply teacher who wouldn't prep them correctly. I don't want parents to complain that their child isn't being taught correctly at such a crucial time in their school lives.
I've called in sick for Monday, but am crossing my fingers that I will be referred quickly to the epau (I looked it up and you can't self-refer, it has to be by a "medical professional") and that they can scan and manage things as soon as possible. I still feel pregnant and I don't know how I'll function if I have to wait weeks and weeks for anything to happen.
(Thank you for the link to the miscarriage association website - it's a very helpful leaflet)

[Flower29]

When I had my first mc my baby measured 8 wks 5 days with no heartbeat and no further checks were offered, I was given the options I mentioned above. Not sure what they will do with a private scan tho, I assume they will want to scan you first but wouldn't have thought they would then re scan later but maybe different hospitals have different policies. I know you said you need a referral but I would still call the epu yourself (or your midwife of you have their number) and I would also stress to your go practice that it is urgent and hopefully they will refer over the phone.
I can understand you are very committed to your students but it is also very important for your wellbeing to take time off. X

[Weareboatsremember]

Thank you flower I hope that they scan to check no heartbeat then can move onto options for management. I can't face the prospect of work for the moment, I just know I'll feel shitty about missing so much time if I take next week off, and there'll be some raised eyebrows as I don't want to tell anyone apart from the deputy head why I'm not there as its so intensely personal (and no one knew I was pregnant anyway). God this is so horrible. I'll give the hospital a call tomorrow to see if they can offer any advice

[babygiraffe86]

I had mmc at 8 +2. Went in as has some funny pains, scan showed no hb same as you. I rang epu and went in on a Friday morning with a friend, I actually asked for another scan as this was 2 days later and I was more interested to know what I was supposed to see and what I wasnt seeing if that makes sense. Ladies at epu were fantastic, gave me 2 tablets to take and asked me to go back on the Sunday. Told me to bring laptop or something as I'd be there a while, dp came too. Private room own bathroom, 2 more tablets when we arrived Sunday morning. 3 hours later started to bleed, strong period pains and ill admit it just kind of falls out of you so wear loose comfortable clothing. It's not the most flattering of experiences but the ladies have seen it all before so don't worry about them. Sadly I had to stay in for 3 days after everything passed through but that was because I am anaemic and the blood loss made me require transfusions (extreme situation caused by existing medical issue) otherwise I'd have been home that day or next morning. The staff are wonderful, and I'm glad dp was there to experience it with me. Sorry if tmi but I had no idea what to expect at all!

[mrsfazruns]

My hospital didn't keep me in after medical management .... I was sent home after medication! I curled up on the sofa with duvet and Crap TV whilst DH looked after me!! 6 hours later I had intense period pain and passed a large clot!! That was it! Bleeding after waSnt too bad but I was an emotional wreck!!!

Like you I didn't want to face weeks of waiting for it to happen naturally and tis was by far the best option!! Take care and here if you need to talk x

[TomCat81]

Hi, I just wanted to echo what mrsfazruns said and reassure you that the medical option doesn't have to be that scary or longwinded. I was sent home after having pessaries and 24 hours later most of it had passed - just a longer, heavy period after that. It took a couple of days to feel physically well as I'd taken some strong painkillers, and obviously the emotional impact ... I'd had a scan a week previously so I'd had a week for it to sink in. For me, I just really wanted to be at home so it was the best option.

I totally understand you wanting to move on and get back to work though. And although it's hard to tell people when they didn't even know you were pregnant, I found it did help and people were a bit easier on me than they might have been if I'd been off with the flu. I had the Friday off for medical management and then the following Monday and was then back at work on the Tuesday. I did work from home the week between the scans though (I realise that is not an option for you as a teacher!) as like you, I was worried that it would just happen when I was at work. You do need to be patient with yourself in terms of emotional recovery, but I did find work helpful as a distraction too.
Hope all goes as well as possible with appointments today and that you get the progress you need.

[Weareboatsremember]

Thank you again for everyone's advice and sharing of their experiences. The epau were excellent, rescanned to confirm the mmc and have booked me in for surgical management tomorrow morning (my hospital doesn't offer the medical option, just surgery or natural, and I would rather this part was sorted out quickly rather than having to wait for possibly weeks for things to happen on their own.
I'll be crossing my fingers that everything goes well tomorrow, and that this is a horrible one off and not a sign of deeper problems.

[mrsfazruns]

completely understand the need to want it sorted quickly!! My EPAU tried to get me to go natural and I was so upset I was sobbing and screamed at the lady "just get it out of me" ..... But dramatic in hind sight but they weren't listeninv to me! :-(

Will be thinking of you tomorrow! Take your time recovering .... I'm 10 weeks down the line and still have days that I get emotional over it!!! Sending lots of hugs!! Xxx

[TomCat81]

Best of luck with it today. I think natural would be the hardest possible option so you've definitely made the right decision. My mmc was at 12 weeks and only measured 6, so it's amazing how long your body can hold on to it. I really hope it all goes ok and that you get the support you need. I'm totally where you are with the finger crossing - it was my first pregnancy and I'm just trying to keep positive that next time will be better. Good luck!xx

[Weareboatsremember]

Just an update really from me. I had the erpc done yesterday at about 11am and was home again by 3.30. The staff were fantastic, kind but professional. I had a bit of a meltdown on the way to theatre, as it was suddenly very real and final. When I can back out I felt much more at peace with everything and that I had definitely made the right choice for me. To me, it was kind of like how you go to a funeral and are really upset all the way through the service, but then you come out and feel like it was cathartic and it's all a bit better. I've not been upset since I had it done, but am fully prepared for it to hit me again at some point.

Just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences and advice. This board has been immensely comforting, particularly when I was sat on the bed in hospital yesterday after having been admitted, and I suddenly felt very small and alone in the world. Thank you all x