Feeling lost after miscarrying first pregnancy

[HannahB86]

Hello all,

I'm new to mumsnet and this is my first post. I had a miscarriage last week and just wanted to share my feelings with those going through the same as me right now and hopefully hear some success stories following ttc after miscarriage.

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for 7 months. In that time we've watched so many people we know fall pregnant and have babies so when we found out I was pregnant we were over the moon and just so happy our time had finally come. Then that dream was shattered last week when I lost our little bean. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I was only 6 and a half weeks so it was very early on and I know the first 12 weeks are very risky but I can't help feel I've had everything snatched away from me before it had even begun.

It doesn't help that I know at least three people who are expecting right now so everywhere I turn I feel as though I am surrounded by pregnant women. Out of our immediate circle of friends we are the only couple who don't have or are expecting children. I know it's not a competition but this is the one thing we want more than anything in the world and it just feels so unfair. I know it's not the end of the world and that there are ladies out there with far worse losses than mine but I just feel so lost and empty. Every time I think I'm ok I end up thinking of what could have been and I get upset all over again.

We want to start ttc again asap. Tbh I think that is the only way we can get over this but at the same time I can't bear to go through the whole process again as it took us so long to conceive the first time. Anyway I would love to hear some happy endings right now to give me some hope. But even if I don't get any replies I thought it might help me just to write my feelings down.

[sadbuthopeful]

Hi Hannah
i'm so sorry about your loss. I know exactly how you feel because I also has a mc last week having tried for over 31/2 years. Like you I also posted here for the first time to hear some happy endings which thank fully there are quite a few. Hopefully I will be able to send you to the link in a second. The kind ladies who responded some of whom had a few miscarriages have gotten pregnant again quite quickly and had happy results albeit a very stressful and worrying 9 months but seems all worth it in the end. Anyway disn't mean to ramble just that it does get easier and the general consensus is try again when you feel ready. Plenty of rest and taking each day as.it comes.

[sadbuthopeful]

Hi again Hannah
i don't quite know how to post a link but here is the title of the thread i started. "Pregnancy after miscarriage, how soon after can I try again?, You can search on the talks ans hopefully some of the responses will give you some hope and cheer you up a bit as it did for me.

[ruth1104]

hello, im so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say, about this time last year i was in your shoes (though not ttc for so long)having had an early mc and totally, unexpectedly devastated. im currently sat up with my 3week old ds who refuses to sleep anywhere but my chest let yourself grieve as much as you need to, and try not to fall into the trap that i did of thinking because this awful thing happened, you'll never have your baby. The likelihood is, this was just an awful one off. I did read that youre more fertile in the months following a mc, dont know if its true but it certainly was for me! But be kind to yourself and do use the mc support threads on here, theyre very good.

[gingerbreadmam]

hi

i just wanted to add a positive story, a few years ago my friend had an mmc discovered at 12 week scan. She went home to mc the next day but now has a healthy beautiful toddler so it does happen and i know for her even though at the time she was devastated now it is just a distant memory.

It is what is keeping me going. I am also pregnant however had an early scan at what they thought was 9 weeks and all is not well, it looks like i have also had an mmc although i wont know for sure until rescan on thursday. alhought at the min it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me i keep thinking of my friend and reminding myself that one day it will just be a sad memory.

it is hard seeing babies and hearing baby related news, i get a little envious too but jus remind yourself that you will have that one day still. Also on one of my threads that i posted i was surprised to see how quickly you can conceive after mc so there is that to look forward too and focus on.

Try to keep occupied, it is a sad time of year to go through this but for me a relief too. I love christmas and i know it should help keep me distracted and pull me through. hope you are ok.

[HannahB86]

Thanks for your replies ladies. Firstly I'm so sorry for all your losses too and Gingerbreadmam I'm sorry what you're going through at the moment it really isn't a nice experience at all and I think it's the not knowing for sure what has happened that's the worst part. I hope you get an answer soon so you can get some closure.

Sadbuthopeful thanks for the link to the other forum. I had already read it actually and it does help to see just how many other ladies have suffered a mc but gone on to have healthy babies.

I have also heard you are more fertile after mc...I really hope this is true! My cycles were so irregular before I fell pg so I hope that my mc is not going to mess them up further!

Anyway good luck to all you ladies. Let's hope we all get our happy ending soon.

[gingerbreadmam]

youre welcome, if you need to talk more ive become a bit of a mumsnet addict so always checking for new posts.

i also hope thats true about fertility, me and my partner werent trying but id been off contraception since about feb, we werent being careful at all tbh and cos it didnt happen so long i had started thinking maybe it wont. if the worst happens i will try and remember the excitement of seeing that bfp and will keep me going.

know for sue tomorrow. hope ur ok.