Supporting a friend - help please

[MagnificentMaleficent]

My dearest friend has just had a MMC at 13 weeks This was a much longed for baby, and at 37 the first time she had managed to get pregnant.

She is of course bereft.

She has said that she will call when she is ready to talk about it, but I just wanted to know what I could do to show I am there for her. I have sent her a couple of texts to say I can come and visit her and that I am thinking of her, but am not sure whether to continue along these lines or let her be.

It's a little more complicated as I have 3 DC and the youngest is only 6 weeks old. I have said I will happily visit on my own, but I'm not sure if seeing me would upset her as the last time we met up she would have known she was pregnant and I was just about to have DC3.

Any thoughts from anyone who has sadly been in my friend's position would be really appreciated.

[sizethree]

Hi Magnificent. Firstly, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and sensitive. She's very lucky to have a friend like you.
It sounds like you're doing everything. And it's right if you to be aware that your new baby will likely raise a few more difficult to deal with emotions in her.
I've unfortunately been in your friends position twice now (currently and back in November).
I think the most important thing is just being present. Letting her know that you're around and thinking of her. Say that you don't know what to say. That there's no words and it's awful. That you're so sad she is going through this. And you're there to hold her hand for these awful rough times and look forward to smiling with her at happier times ahead.

[MagnificentMaleficent]

Thank you sizethree, I'm so sorry you are going through this too

I just want to take it all away for her.

She has had such a crap time generally and now this, it seems to have taken her spirit.

It is good to know that to gently keep in touch is the way to go, I'll just keep giving her a gentle prod until she's ready to talk again.

Thanks again

[EffinIneffable]

All my friends are pg or have new babies. Although I haven't always wanted to see or talk to them (actually I'm more upset by pg women than by babies for some reason) they gently kept in touch with text messages asking how I was doing and I really appreciated it.

The other thing was that although it is totally understandable that pg and new motherhood is a massive thing in their lives, when I did see them, I really didn't want that to be the only/main topic of conversation.