Please tell me it gets easier

[Loopylouu]

A year ago today I lost my baby and I almost died int the process. After finding out my babies heart had stopped beating I waited to miscarry naturally. I had to wait for four weeks and it was the most terrible time of my life, I don't know how I got through it, knowing my baby was dead inside me was like a living hell.

I went into cervical shock during the miscarriage and lost a lot of blood very quickly, on the way to hosptal in the ambulance I honestly thought I was going to die.

I wanted that baby more than anything and the whole experience off me devistasted.

A year later I thankfully have a beautiful 5 week old daughter who I am eternally greatful for. I didn't have the best pregnancy and I thought I was losing her too in early pregnancy, but I am so happy she's here and healthy.

But today is hard. I've been crying on and off and to top things off I am having my first persons since her birth, which is very heavy and keeps brining back very painful memories.

Dh is no help. He'd obviously forgotten all about it and when I did bring it up he just said 'oh right' and carried on.

I know I have dd now, and god, I feel like the luckiest person on earth that I have her, but I am still so sad about the baby I lost.

I don't know why I am posting really, but I can't talk to dh about it. D I have no one else.

[sydlexic]

It absolutely does get easier. I think when you have another baby it is one of the hardest times. It shows you the reality of what you lost and your hormones are all over the place.

It doesn't sound as though your MC was handled with compassion, I am so sorry it was even worse than it needed to be.

I remember having my new born DS in my arms following my stillborn DD, I would sit in the dark and cry all over his head. Things got easier everyday as he grew stronger and more lovely. I have come to terms with what happened and I never thought I would.

[Forester]

I haven't had the same experience as you but the feelings you are describing do sound natural so please don't feel as though you are not allowed to grieve for your lost baby. As sydlexic says I'm sure it will get easier.

And congratulations on having your DD.

[Catlover2014]

Just wanted to say congrats on your dd. It sounds like you went through a lot and you still need time to grieve your first mc. There will be lots of hormones and emotional pain but I am sure in time things will get easier.

I have suffered two mcs now and still don't have a baby but I know even if I do get a child I will always miss the first two. They are the most precious special things and it's only natural we think of them.

Lots of love x

[balenciaga]

Oh op hugs to you

What an awful experience. I have a very similar story to you (except I didn't have such a serious complication) I miscarried about a year ago at 12 weeks, it was twins. I now have a 4 week old dd who I adore but she's very hard work tbh

But ATM I feel very sad and angry and sort of empty all the time and I'm not sure if it's pnd or cos it's around a year since my loss

My dh hasn't mentioned it either which makes me think he either doesn't care or doesn't know the significance of the date.

Sorry I've prob not helped as I've just gone on about myself. But just wanted to let you know you're not alone

[Loopylouu]

Thankyou.

I'm not having a very good time at the moment anyway.

My husband is out this afternoon so I can finally have a really good sob. Ii can bear to look at the scan photos though, it still hurts too much.