Waiting for miscarriage - advice needed please.

[chestut]

42 and no DC - now waiting for 2nd miscarriage in a year.1st miscarriage was natural and without warning. 2nd time was told at 8 week scan measuring 7w5 with fetal pole of 7mm and no heartbeat was given options for managing miscarriage decided to go for natural miscarriage and told wouldn't be given 2nd scan to confirm. Now 11.5 weeks and no sign of miscarriage and today told by they would not offer me a blood test to confirm Hcg levels are going down as not necessary. Is this normal to have lack of confirmation of potential miscarriage? Feeling very sad and very unsupported by the medical profession:-(

[gamerchick]

I'm not surprised.. you poor thing, that's dammed appalling.

I don't know what to suggest.. They can't just make you wait in limbo like that. Have you maybe took a pregnancy test to see if there's still the hormone present?

I really think perhaps a visit to your gp is in order though, that's unacceptable. I'm so sorry.

[Cirsium]

So sorry you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage last year and the waiting was horrible. Such terrible treatment by health care professionnals must make it even worse. I agree with gamerchick that you should visit your GP and argue for further scan/blood tests. Personally I have found the practise nurse more understanding and helpful, maybe speaking to them would help you deal with GP/EPU.

[ParaTrooper]

The waiting is the hardest part. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[bakingtins]

chestut I'm so sorry, it's horrible to be left in limbo. At a size >7 weeks an embryo should have a HB, so it's unlikely they have made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be offered a confirmation scan if you need it to be certain that the pregnancy has ended.
What is your preference now? Do you still want to wait for a natural MC or are you wanting to go down the medical or surgical routes to get it over with? Being in open-ended limbo for weeks is very difficult. I think a pregnancy test is likely to be positive for some time even after you have actually miscarried, so only serial blood HCG would be likely to tell you if your body is recognising that the pregnancy has failed and beginning the process or if levels are still high/rising.
I think you need to phone EPU with a clear idea of what you want and be assertive, or get DP/DH to be assertive on your behalf, and escalate a complaint (to the head of dept and to PALS) if the person you talk to is not helpful. It's not acceptable to just be left to get on with it alone, you deserve to be cared for and to have whatever help you need to manage this in the way you choose. I appreciate how difficult it is to be assertive over something so emotionally charged, so getting someone else involved if necessary might help.

[chestut]

Thank you for your messages, already don't feel quite so alone.

gamerchick pregnancy tests still very pregnant but not surprising as not even had spotting! Have lost some of my pregnancy symptoms though but really sore boobs still and very tired. Although you know you are waiting for the end there's always a part of you that niggles away that they could be wrong - hence asking to see if Hcg levels are going down.

Cirsium unfortunately it was the practice nurse that wanted me to speak to GP 1st before doing tests. My own Gp is away so spoke to a "stand in", will speak to my own GP when back next week. Sorry you had to go through mmc last year it is heartbreaking.

I just feel I have to fight for everything when it comes to ttc and dealing with miscarriages. Having worked in a medical profession in the NHS for many years I shouldn't be surprised at the lack of support from some people but when you are feeling this vulnerable it comes as a shock.

[chestut]

Thanks bakingtins crossed post this morning I think. I really would prefer a natural miscarriage if poss, my body coped really well last time and am not keen on surgery as poss complications for me but may have to look into medical help if nothing is happening.

Feel stronger tonight and more back on track mentally to cope with wait.

Only myself and DP know about our pregnancies. DP not only has one of the most stressful jobs going but is also absolutely devastated and we're both trying to hold everything together. Sometimes I think it would have been better had we told close family.

Thank you for everyone's kindness

[WibWoo]

Hi chestut. So sorry you're dealing with this and in such awful limbo.
Just wanted to let you know that there is the potential for hcg to be misleading with mmc. I asked for a blood test (despite clear scan results with no hb) at 10 weeks. My hcg was off the charts and remained so until i had an ERPC a week later. My baby measured around 6wks but my body still though it was pregnant and the hcg just kept rising. Not uncommon I now understand but it really got my hopes up at the time so thought it was worth mentioning. This may not be the case for you but if possible I would push for a confirmation scan given so many weeks have passed. It also shows you there has been no growth in between which for me helped eliminate any doubt. Hoping you get resolution soon.

[BornOfFrustration]

Sorry you're going through this.

Is there any way you could get another scan? Do you have an early pregnancy unit where you could go and see what your options are?

I had a mmc in December, but I didn't quite believe it until I was scanned for the second time. After that my body just let go. Baby measured 6 weeks, I found out at 9 because I had a scan due to losing a tiny amount of blood and I was re-scanned at 11 and miscarried a day later just to give you an idea of my timescale.

[chestut]

Just thought I'd update. Yesterday managed to speak to a very helpful nurse at local EPU who immediately offered me a 2nd scan. Scanned this morning and no change from 1st scan (was also able to see the scan which might not help everyone but has helped me say goodbye) So after spending time with nurse and Dr who were brilliant and answered every question I had for now and future ttc have decided to opt for medical management. So now have the tablets at home and am able to decide when myself.

After my experience I strongly advise anyone who finds themselves in this devastating situation not to give up and don't let anyone fob you off - question everything. I wrote down what I wanted to ask at home when I was more relaxed and able to think clearer - this helped massively especially as I was on my own.

And lastly thank you for mumsnet - everyone here helped to bring me back to some form of sanity and gave me the push I needed to stand up for myself.

[bakingtins]

I'm glad you have finally had the care you deserved in the first place. Hope you feel a little better with a plan in place. Here to handhold if/when you need it.

[gamerchick]

oh i'm so sorry :( I had really hoped that the first scan was wrong and things were going as they should.

Huge squeeze.

[Lilybensmum1]

Been there too! I'm glad you now know for sure, waiting and not knowing is devastating, it's hard when you are vulnerable, knowing what to ask and how much to push, everyone is different, be kind and gentle on yourself now, sending hugs and thinking of you I know how tough it is, hope you now have someone to contact if you need advice it's essential.