Need some hand holding after 2nd loss in 6 months

[TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt]

In december, I knew I was pregnant (I already have a daughter and just seem to "know" before I'm even late) but I started bleeding very lightly, I went to the docs and after loads of blood tests and scans, they found it in my tubes. I was treated with methatrexate and told to wait 3 months before ttc again, we did and I fell pregnant almost straight away, I had a scan at 8 weeks because of the ectopic and everything looked fine, although I didn't think anything of it at the time, my measurememtns were 7+5 when I thought by my dates I was 8+1. But when I went for my 12 week scan on Tuesday last week they told me it had died at about 9 weeks, just a week after we saw the heartbeat and thought this one was going to be fine.
I had a managed miscarriage in hospital, it all happened so quickly, I had the first lot of tablets on Tuesday just an hour after the scan (I knew I couldn't face waiting for it to happen naturally and I couldn't face surgery either so there was no need to wait and decide) and spent the day there Thursday. It wasn't happening properly even though I was passing some big clots; the first lot I buzzed the nurses from the loo (don't know if it's the same everywhere, but I had to pass everything into a cardboard bowl in the loo so they can check it all) as I was terrified, that amount of blood in one go cannot be normal right? So they gave me some more tablets to speed things up but still nothing, just loads more huge clots, Eventually they sent me home and told me to ring in the morning and they would decide if I needed to come back.
I passed the entire sac Thursday evening, I was sitting down and felt an urge to push, I couldn't do anything about it so I went to the loo, they supplied me with bed pans before I left hosp and there it was. I took it in on Friday and they confirmed I had passed everything. The nurse actually said "poor you that must have really hurt". Yes thank you it was a bit uncomfortable! FFS!!!
I haven't been too bad over the weekend but today I just can't stop crying, DH has gone back to work, SIL has taken DD so that I can rest so I'm on my own, I just feel lost and so so tired. My ectopic would have been due next month and I was so pleased to be pregnant before my due date came round but right now I don't know how I'm going to get through it.
I feel light headed and dizzy but the hosp just said I need to drink more water but I already drink loads, everyone always comments on it and I have drunk loads more than is normal for me this weekend.
I'm sorry to have waffled so much and thank you if you have made it to the end - I can't be accused of drip feeding!
I think I just need reassurance that it will get better, I dealt with the ectopic well, but this has just floored me and I'm not used to feeling like this, physically or emotionally.

[TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt]

Also, my daughter was born by planned section as she was breech so I never had any kind of labour and don't know how this compares.
I'm terrified of getting pregnant again even though we are longing for another child as I'm so scared of it going wrong again, this was the second one we have lost in 6 months, but I'm also scared of giving birth now, this was so painful I can't imagine what birthing a baby would be like.

[TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt]

please tell me it gets better?

[Bakingtins]

It does get better. I've had four miscarriages and I am still pretty much in one piece, a bit emotionally battered by it but still functioning.
It sounds like you had a physically traumatic experience not to mention the heartache of losing a second time. Make sure you rest and look after yourself to allow your body to recover. Sleep if you can whilst you have some childcare in place.
Don't worry about giving birth - it's a totally different experience when you know there is a positive outcome and a baby waiting to meet you. If you've had a previous Csection then you'll be offered an elective Csection anyway if you don't want to go for a VBAC.
I was so pleased that I'd be pregnant again for EDD of MC2 but I actually miscarried again before the date, and it was sad but ok, not as bad as I'd feared. I don't think it was any worse than EDD of MC1 when I was successfully pregnant with DS2 and past the 12 week hurdle - it was still a sad day to get through.
I think there is something particularly painful about a second miscarriage. When you have the first you are reassured that it's common, that it's just bad luck, that most people are ok next time. When it happens again it can just floor you, but on the other hand the medical establishment don't take it seriously until you have three.

[TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt]

Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for your losses.
They count this as my first the other was ectopic not miscarriage so i won't get any tests done yet.
I think I know it will get better, it has done when family and friends have passed away and I suppose this isn't so different, was just really struggling this morning. Physically we always recover eventually.
Sorry that my grammers gone. Not used to smart phone yet! Was on computer earlier.

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

I completely sympathise with you hun - I have had 2 miscarriages this year (Feb and June) and I am still feeing sad from the first one in Feb - I'm trying to take it one day at a time - my first EDD will be in September so I'm trying to keep myself busy over that month but also allowing myself to feel sad and not bottle it up!!

It will get easier with time (that's what I keep telling myself). Give yourself time and surround yourself with nice things - lots of hugs xxx

[TheHormonesMadeMeDoIt]

Thanks. My first DD is in August and I'm dreading it, I was so pleased when I thought I'd be pregnant again
I'm going to name change now as I can't blame the hormones any more so I'll try and identify myself if I come back on here.
I've just posted in AIBU as my SIL has really upsety me today and I'm struggling. I hope you're right and it gets better.