I've been waiting for weeks now and I am not coping

(44 Posts)
hotcrosbum Fri 26-Apr-13 08:21:08

Had a private scan on 12th April where I was told the baby had probably died a week and a half before (I had had a scan 2 weeks previously when I thought I was 8 weeks, but I measured 7 and while there was a heartbeat, it was low, I knew something was up, as I knew when I conceived).

So, I have been waiting ever since. I went to the hospital on tuesday to get the ball rolling just incase. As my previous scans were private and this was an NHS hospital, they have to do their own scans a week apart. Even the dr I saw said it was madness, my private scans were done by an extremely good consultant with far superior machines to the ones they have at the hospital, but it's NHS policy. WHich I don't mind, as it's bought me another week. Well more really, as I have booked to go in for the next scan next friday.

I have no signs of anything happening. No cramping, no bleeding, nothing. I have even tried acupuncture and reflexology to try and get it moving.

All my pregnancy symptoms are long gone, I feel absolutely great infact (I feel terrible during pregnancy).

I am terrified of the surgical procedure. I had a terrifying reaction to GA when I was a child.

The dr I saw said I could have pills, but that at the size everything was, he wouldn't recommend it, as the risk of haemorrhage was so high.

I just want things to happen on their own, but it doesn't seem like it's going to. I am ok with losing the baby now, I have grieved and got over it, I am just worried about myself.

EuroShaggleton Thu 02-May-13 15:57:54

I'm sorry you are facing this and very sorry that you are facing this alone.

I mc'd in March. I was also keen to avoid the surgical option (for me, it was because my mum had a D&C when I was a child, caught an infection and nearly died). I did everything within my power to make my body an inhospitable place - strong coffee, very hard overheating runs, acu to try to get things moving, etc. Fortunately it happened naturally for me, although I have no idea whether any of that helped and it would have started when it did anyway.

I hope you can get closure on this soon.

hotcrosbum Thu 02-May-13 16:04:13

How long did you have to wait? Its four weeks tomorrow that I was told the baby died.

hotcrosbum Fri 03-May-13 11:20:05

Back from the hospital.

The doctor I saw today was absolutely lovely, she showed me so much kindness and compassion.

She went through things with me properly, said that in her opinion, I had done the right thing in waiting. She went through options again, properly this time, and the upshot is, I am booked in for medical management to take the first tablets on wednesday, and the second lot fri (my son is at his fathers next weekend, she said as I have waited so long, I may as well wait a bit longer to make things more convenient to me). But, she is also booking me for a D&C friday incase I change my mind.

I had another scan - the sac has collapsed a bit, is this a good sing for impending miscarriage?

hotcrosbum Fri 03-May-13 11:22:36

Oh and she also apologised for the other dr. SHe said while there were no beds to start medical management, if I become distressed at any time with the bleeding at home, or I am not coping with the pain or bleeding, then of course I could call them and they would admit me for observation.

PointlessCow Fri 03-May-13 12:45:22

So pleased it went well hotcross.

Read the miscarriage tips thread so you know what to expect. I had the first tablet last Wednesday then the pessaries on Friday at about 9:00. The baby was out by 10:20, and the placenta by 10:40. After 11:30ish, the blood loss was manageable and I was home by 1.

So sorry you are going through this alone. Hope it goes as well as can be expected for you.

hotcrosbum Fri 03-May-13 12:56:06

I am still scared of medical management though, as I will be at home on my own. Still in two minds about what to do, but the dr was so nice, she really put me at ease.

I was relived to see the sac was irregular and collapsing though, I was beginning to despair of my stupid body no being able to do anything right, can't carry a baby properly/can't miscarry a baby properly.

Am now driving myself insane googling collapsed sacs and how long until miscarriage....

GuffSmuggler Fri 03-May-13 13:35:27

Glad you saw a better dr hotcros sounds the other one was awful.

All the best with the medical management, lots of lovely people here will be able to help you through it. If you still need to go down the ERPC route PLEASE insist you discuss things with an anaesthesiologist first.

One way or another you'll be through all of this soon x

hotcrosbum Fri 03-May-13 13:54:53

Thankyou.

Mumsnet really is quite something, I don't think I would have got through the past few months without it, especially as I don't have any real support or anyone to talk to about this.

I am still on the fence. My main problem is that although ds is with his father next weekend, I have an 10 hour round trip on trains and tubes to collect him and bring him home on the sunday. Ex is totally unflexable, he will not bring him back, so I have to do it. No one else to do it. I certainly can't tell ex my reasons, he will use it as yet another bit of ammo against me in his case to have ds live with him and his wife.

If I take the second lot of tablets on the friday, will the worst be over by sunday?

Thats why I am now thinking toward a D&C on friday - I am terrified but there is more chance of me dragging myself half way accross the counrty and back on Sunday.

Rockchick1984 Fri 03-May-13 14:02:32

Glad you saw a better dr. No experience of medical management, but after ERPC I was physically fine by the next day - even on the same day I was just tired afterwards. I hope you get sorted one way or the other.

hotcrosbum Sat 04-May-13 11:38:22

I started cramping last night and have just started bleeding lightly this morning, so hopefully it will pass soon.

PointlessCow Sat 04-May-13 12:11:36

Hope you're okay. When/if it gets heavy, maybe sit on the loo with a cuppa and a magazine. Do you have DS with you?

hotcrosbum Sat 04-May-13 13:12:38

Yes, he's here today. I don't want him to be scared. I've text a few of his school friends parents to see if anyone can take him for tonight/tomorrow.

I don't know what to expect now, bleeding is still quite light.

hotcrosbum Sun 05-May-13 08:46:23

This is a bit long, please don't read if you are waiting a MC and scared, I was unlucky and had complications that I was told are pretty rare, but I just wanted to update and thank everyone who has been so kind over the past couple of weeks.

It's all over. I am so relieved.

I had a horrific day yesterday, ended up being blue lighted to hospital at 7pm, fitting and passing out in the ambulance (turns out that fitting can be a complication of the cervix not dilating properly). Thankfully I called 999 as soon as I was feeling like I was going to faint, they were here in minuets, I passed out on the paramedic when he walked in. Thank god I called them or I would have passed out on my own. My blood pressure was going haywire, low to high, low to high.

Oh, and they didn't take me to the shitty local hospital, they called the EPU where I had been referred to and the A&E at the hospital agreed to take the ambulance there as they had all my notes so could see me faster, I was so relieved.

It came on so fast. The bleeding was light but I was getting contractions, getting closer and closer together and then at 3pm, all hell broke loose and I was on the toilet for the next four hours (tmi, sorry) but I was bleeding like a hosepipe and loosing clot after clot (I will never forget that feeling, it's disgusting), getting bigger all the time. The pain was manageable (ish) after I took codine, but when that wore off, it overwhelmed me and I started to feel like I was going to die, I really thought I was bleeding to death hence the 999 call.

Gas and air in the ambulance was amazing, took me to A&E and I was assessed immediately and only had to wait 10 mins for a dr. SHe had a look and what she thought was the sac was stuck in my cervix (it hadn't dilated enough as it had all been so fast) so she removed it (that was the most painful part of it all, I was in tears) and immediately, all the pain and panic went, it was like it had been lifted like magic.

They said it was the sac and fetus, they have kept it all for testing. I was pathetically grateful that I hadn't flushed my baby down the loo.

They took some bloods to make sure I wasn't anaemic after so much blood loss (thankfully, my body seemed to have coped well and all my blood levels were normal), and with the promise that I would go home and stay in bed for two days, they let me go at 11pm.

All the staff were amazing, I was treated swiftly and professionally with so much kindness and compassion from everyone, the ambulance crew, nurses, drs, I really couldn't have asked for better care, I was so impressed (Queen Charlottes, Hammersmith if anyone is interested).

I now only have period type bleeding and slight pain, no more clots.

Thank god one of the mums from school came straight to get ds, he's staying with them until tonight. He left just before things got really bad, I honestly don't know what would have happened if he had been here, he would have been terrified.

When I told the dr I had been booked in for medical management on wed, she said to me that if I am ever in this situation again, please don't consider it. If my body reacted in such a violent way to a natural miscarriage, the medical management would have been far worse. So thank god it happened the way it did.

I am back for a scan on wednesday, but like I said, I just have period bleeding, not even that heavy, so I think that is everything gone, fingers crossed.

If this ever happens to me again, I am having a D&C right away. At about 6pm last night, if someone had handed me a gun, I would have happily shot myself, I felt that bad. My fear of a GA is now nothing to my fear of a natural MC, my body after four weeks of nothing, went into overdrive for some reason, my bathroom looked like a murder scene.

Rockchick1984 Sun 05-May-13 08:59:32

Oh Hot I'm so sorry it was a horrendous experience for you! Try to focus on the fact that its over now, and that your son didn't have to see what you experienced.

If its any help, I found that dealing with the physical aspects of the miscarriage and pushing the emotions to the back of my mind until the bleeding stopped was the best way for me to cope - am now trying to deal with the emotional side of it all.

GuffSmuggler Sun 05-May-13 09:17:48

Oh hotcros I'm so so sorry, you poor thing, have a massive hug.

You can have some peace now the physical side is all over, please just rest up as much as possible and take time to recover both physically and emotionally.

Miscarriage is the biggest toll on both your body and mind and you have been so brave to get through this on your own. Please be kind to yourself, it will take time to get over this but you will feel better as each day passess.

Keep posting here to get support.
Take care x

hotcrosbum Sun 05-May-13 09:31:47

Thankyou.

I am just feeling relief at the mo, that yesterday, and all the weeks of worry and stress are over.

DS just phoned me, he's happy at his friends house, he thought it was just an impromptu sleepover, he had no idea anything was wrong.

I have nothing in the house as was planning to go food shopping yesterday, so his friends mum is dropping some supplies over for me in a bit (including a rather large chocolate cake apparently!), I only really know her to chat to at the school gate, but it turns out she's had six MC, so she has been so kind to me, I am so grateful that there are such good people in the world.

PointlessCow Sun 05-May-13 20:36:26

You poor thing! So pleased it is all over for you and you had the presence of mind to phone 999 when you did. Well done you.

And thank goodness for your friend, so pleased you have some real life support now xx

hotcrosbum Wed 08-May-13 12:07:34

I had my follow up scan this morning and all is well. Miscarriage was complete and there is only minimal 'product' remaining, which should be expelled over the next few weeks or with my first period.

The consultant was happy to discharge me from their care, so it's all over now, thank god.

GuffSmuggler Wed 08-May-13 13:11:37

That's great news hotcros, you can now start to grieve and slowly move on as the physical side is over. I remember this being a great relief for me and I could start to deal with my emotions.

Keep taking care of yourself and posting here for support x

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