Trying again after miscarriage

[TrudyW]

Hello there,
Never written on one of these before but just looking for a bit of advice. In October 2012 hubby and I lost our baby at 13 weeks, I have had 2 normal cycles since so we started to try again after new year, I was due on on Friday just gone (Jan 25) and have tested today (Sunday) and got a negative result, with a clearblue test so I know its correct and have now also had a small show. I'm just absolutely gutted and I feel like I've lost baby all over again, its brought it all straight back, I just wanted to be pregnant again and with all the research I've done with everyone saying how fertile you are after a loss its easy to fall pregnant again I just feel rubbish! Thankfully we have a soon to be 3 year old beautiful son together already. When I was in my teens I was told I would find it difficult to have children naturally due to ovarian cysts and had so many pregnancy complications with our son and almost died after birth due to retained placenta and PPH that now I'm thinking maybe our little boy is a miracle and maybe I wasn't supposed to have him either! Also with pictures you see on week-by-week pregnancy calendars I'm angry at myself for not looking at the baby that we lost when I had it (I chose medical management) and was surprised by how large the baby was. I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how long they waited to try and how long before they were successful? And also whether It is likely for me to miscarry bias

[TrudyW]

Sorry posted by mistake:
Likely for me to miscarry again? Don't think I could go through another one! Thank you for any replies xxx

[Daisybell1]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc back in June/July (twins) when I was 10 weeks. Since then my cycles have been all over the place. I did get pg in October but mc again at 5+3 weeks. My cycles are still all over.

If you've had 2 regular cycles then that's good, but I understand totally about each bfn being another kick in the teeth.

I've just been referred for testing and my gynae did say another mc was more likely if conceived soon after mc. But he may just have been trying to make me feel better.

I don't know if this will have helped but I just wanted to say you're not alone.

[Wolfiefan]

My first pg ended as a mmc discovered at 13 weeks in a routine scan. Never been so upset. Fell pg 3 months later. Had a gorgeous boy. I'm not sure how helpful this is but it is not unusual to take a while to get pg. It is bloody awful but not every pg results in a baby. Most do!
Wishing you a BFP soon! Be gentle with yourself. It'll still be very raw. Healing takes time.

[TrudyW]

Thank you both for your replies and I am so sorry for your losses also, it really is the most awful thing I have been through! Mine too was discovered at my first scan, I was 12+4 and just no heartbeat, I felt numb, I just thought a miscarriage was you just start to bleed one day not that it can be missed and you find out at a scan when that is a time you should be so happy and skipping out with your scan picture and starting to tell people! I just thought I'm passed 12 weeks I'm fine now! We had told some family members once we hit 12weeks as never imagined we were telling them about a baby that had already died inside me. It was such a cruel way to find out and almost barbaric treatment and physical thing to go through after, you can't just go home and cry and begin to move on, you then have to start the treatment and give birth to this baby, I was amazed at what I lost, the size shocked me so much and it made it just feel so much more real that my little baby was there, half grown and for some reason never meant to be! People say some horrible stuff also, it baffles me how cold people can be! "At least it wasn't a real baby" I mean what the hell, I wouldn't dream of saying that! People have also made me feel that I shouldn't be as upset as I am because I wasn't far enough along then I have read on here about people's losses at 5weeks and how sad they are also and I finally feel normal! Like I'm not just overreacting! I really have found the past 12 weeks difficult and when I say that it really isn't a long time so I do still have the right to just sit and cry if I bloody well want too. It's nice to finally hear people say that that's ok, sorry for rambling on xxx

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

hugs for you trudy. You have every right to be sad, to grieve, to sob for hours if it helps

[goosey123]

Sorry to read your posts trudy, I also lost a baby last october after my 12 week scan, and the feelings you describe when your period came are very familiar. I really fell apart at my 3rd period and it felt like I was going through it all again. And after a couple of weeks no-one ever mentions the pregnancy again and it was on my mind every minute.

Then, this month we actually felt ready to start again, and to my amazement I am pregnant again. So there is hope. I was so unsure if I wanted to go through this again, and really only decided to give it a shot a couple of weeks back. I'm really glad I did, it feels right. I'm not sure what the odds are for miscarrying again, I have my head in the sand, and I hope i can keep it there! Wishing you all the best xx

[TrudyW]

Well this is my third cycle now and I honestly thought I wouldn't be trying for months and months or maybe ever again at first but now I just want to try. Wasn't successful this month so hopefully next month it will be a different story! I'm just trying so hard not to live my life around baby making as I believe that having that as the only thing on your mind can sometimes interfere with being successful! But how can u not hope, I just can't wait for that next positive test and the moment I hear a loud, strong heartbeat! Good luck with your pregnancy goosey and thank you everyone for your words of support, I hope I have my own success story soon!

[Bakingtins]

Hi Trudy. I'm very sorry you lost your baby. TTC after MC is very hard and each period is another kick in the teeth. I had a MC at 10 weeks in between my two sons, and it took me 3 months to concieve. Lost another baby last year at 8 weeks that had taken a year of TTC and 5 months on am still trying. There is a lovely thread here with ladies all in the same boat. It helps to have others to chat to.

[TrudyW]

Thank u baking tins, sorry for your losses also, I really do want to keep trying, I mean only been trying since early January so not long but it is terrifying, I'm scared it'll take ages or never happen at all and if it does there's always the fear of MC again, I mean you'll never have a normal pregnancy again, I'll just be worried right up until baby is safe and healthy in my arms! Thank u for link, I'll take a look. Good luck to u with trying, hoping we both get that good news soon xxx

[Smallgreenone]

I had a mmc too and felt exactly the same as you. I hated it when people said it wasn't a real baby, it was to me and still is my angel baby. We waited a couple of months before ttc again and it took three months and then hurrah a bfp. I was terrified of it happening again and went for an early scan on the nhs and there was the heartbeat. I wouldn't believe it would stick though and went for a private scan weekly until 14 weeks- I know I am mental!! I wish I hadn't wasted all that money in hindsight but it made me feel better seeing him every week. Ds is now 5 months old and a gorgeous baby. You will get there in the end, sending baby dust your way.

[Smallgreenone]

Oh and you are no more likely to miscarry again if you have had one miscarriage before. I googled that excessively too!

[TrudyW]

Thank you smallgreenone that makes me feel so much more positive, I'm hoping this month I'll get a bfp, its my birthday soon so would be a fab present! I'm hoping so much!
Also ur not mental, I will too want to know everything is ok and want reassuring constantly. I think I might relax once I get passed the 20week scan, hopefully I won't have to wait too long til I get there!
Massive congratulations on your gorgeous baby boy! Xx