Dh's friend's wife just miscarried again.... :(

[MrsBigD]

I'm not very close to her as I don't see her much, but her dh is a very close friend of my dh.

They were scheduled to fly to NZ today but had to postpone as she had a silent miscarriage (?) yesterday. Was in the first trimester and just went for a quick check because she felt a bit under the weather. The scan 1 week ago was fine. Yesterday's... no baby.

It's her 4th miscarriage (2nd this year) I think and we are planning to invite them round for the weekend. I know she really really really wants kids.

So what do I say/do not say/do as obviously we want to make them feel better not depressed.

We have 2 small kids ourselves and I'm pretty sure seeing them won't make her feel worse. Well I hope so anyhow...

Anybody can tell me how to act? I'm asking because a close friend of mine had a miscarriage the same time I found out I was pg with ds and I haven't heard from her since :( even though I tried being very supportive but I think she couldn't handle that I had a little bubba and she didn't iykwim, which I can understand in a way but still it hurts as we were very close.

So naturally worried to 'put my foot in' with someone I'm not that close with.

[Northerner]

If you're not close to her then I wouldn't say anything. Send her a card or flowers just to let her know you are thinking of her.

Tell your dh to remember to ask his friend how he is feeling and to be there for him.

[Nemo1977]

agree with northener..let her know you are there if she wants but dont bring it up as she may not want to talk about it.
With each of my mcs I reacted differently[have had 3] but the worst was a missed mc which is like a silent one. Found it easier to kind of approach topic when I felt ready rather than others trying to support all the time.

[MrsBigD]

ok so just be neutral and general chat until she brings it up if she wants to.

I can do that :)

Planning to take them to a Kiwi restaurant we found near where we live kind of a special treat as they had to move their trip to 'Kiwiland'

[essbee]

Sounds good to me, just be aware that her emotions might be a little over the place. After my last mc (6 yrs ago now) I found that the strangest things set me off. You sound very thoughtful!

[MrsBigD]

thanks for the tip essbee... I can recognised and sympathise with being emotionally 'all over the place' ... been there for different reasons