Be glad when its all over - missed (silent) miscarriage

(57 Posts)
Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:09:37

Well I can't believe I am sat here writing this, as I am doing it with great sadness, but if I help one other person in my situation feel like someone else has been where they are then it has done its job...

We had been trying for a baby for a year, being 24 and healthy i didn't think it would take more than a couple of months and have to admit that seeing the majority of my friends get pregnant straight away or within a few months, we really were starting to feel the strain...we found out 5 1/2 weeks ago that we are pregnant. I'll never forget my partners face when I emerged from the toilet clutching at a positive pregnancy test and told him he was going to be a daddy...

Within a couple of days of finding out I was pregnant, I started to have cramps, worse than period pains, like sharp stabbing pains that lasted a few seconds then disappeared...after speaking with my doctor it came apparent that these may have just been pregnancy pains\bedding in pains...Later that night I went to hospital due to the severity and was admitted onto the ward...I had blood tests which showed low ECG levels (625) and was told I'd have a scan first thing and that this may have been ectopic...I had the scan and all that was seen was a gestational sac (tiny) but was normal for the amount of weeks I was and the godsend was that it wasn't an ectopic...I then had another blood test 2 days later (got discharged from the ward) and my bloods had gone up to 1780...everything was going in the right direction but they still needed to scan me...

7 days later I had another scan which showed a sac which had grown significantly since the last scan...10 days later a scan which showed my precious bean, a larger sac and a yolk sac...no heartbeat...they couldn't discharge me until a HB was seen, things were still progressing and I was told it isn't unusual not to see a HB at early 6/7 weeks...

Monday just gone, 10 days later, I went for another scan...the sonographer said there was a bubble above the sac which wasn't there the week before which she thought was a bleed...my bean still wasn't showing a HB and the sac hadn't grown much...I then went back to the early preg unit and was told things aren't progressing as they should and there comes a time when things aren't looking positive and have to say all these scans aren't showing signs of a viable pregnancy...she asked me if I wanted to go home and wait for a MC, have an Op or have medical management for the miscarriage...I could barely breathe, let alone decide this...I couldn't believe it was only the same morning I was convinced I'd be discharged due to them finally seeing the HB, I was so mad with myself for allowing myself to get excited...

It's now 4 days later and I have only just decided to go for the op...I asked them to book me in next week so I have at least got the rest of this week to get my head round it and give it a chance to happen normally...I'm booked in for the op a week today...I have requested another scan early next week due to the fact I haven't bled through this pregnancy and I don't think id forgive myself if I didn't have another scan before I have the op...even though I have sort of accepted the fact this pregnancy isn't going to have a happy outcome...

I'm so scared to have the op, never had an op in my life...but I can't leave it longer than next Friday, its been 4 days so far and it's killing me...still feeling pregnant isn't helping either...

I don't know about trying again, feel as if I have been put off so to speak, I don't think I could do this to myself and my partner all over again...maybe I will feel differently once I can start to move forward...

Feel for all you ladies who are going through a miscarriage or have had a miscarriage in the past, it's the single worst thing I have ever experienced...

greengoose Tue 13-Nov-12 00:18:15

Glad you are ok Beardy. I agree it helps to get back to 'normal'. I hope work is gentle for you, and things work out whatever you decide re ttc in the future. X

Beardy24 Thu 08-Nov-12 00:50:01

Hi everyone I had the op as planned, was nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be, hardly any bleeding afterwards, not too much pain and went home the same night.
Currently still spotting slightly and going back to work next Monday...on reduced hours for the first week and ease myself in gently. Can't wait to get back to normality, been a hermit for the past 4 weeks. Feeling okay about things, still getting teary out of nowhere but generally feeling better. Now I don't have sore boobs I feel so much better. Strange but true!

Looking forward to having my period and starting all over again, really hope things work out next time x thanks for your posts, haven't been on for a couple of weeks, really have had some me time x

StrawbsAndCream Fri 26-Oct-12 11:48:39

Thinking of you today Beardy, hope you are feeling ok, let us know how you get on. Lots of love xxx

mumnosbest Fri 26-Oct-12 10:20:33

so sorry beardy and all the others who've been through this. i had my mmc over 5 yrs ago and whilst time really does help, reading your post makes it feel like yesterday.

at the time my worries were whether this meant i couldn't carry to term. i now have 3 dcs, sometimes babies just don't develop and its nothing to do with you. through talking to friends ive realised just how common mmc are. I also worried i was being a bit ott as it was still such early days. the thing is as soon as you know you're pg you imagine that child and your joint future so whether you were 6wks or 26wks you need to allow yourself time to grieve and spoil yourself and dp.
youre still young and dont need to worry about future plans yet.
hope the op was ok xxx

greengoose Fri 26-Oct-12 10:02:02

BEARDY, thinking of you today. I hope you are home by this evening being fussed over and eating something comforting! Take the time you need to recover. All the best for the future. Xxx

messtins Fri 26-Oct-12 08:26:59

Thinking of you today Beardy

MrsJohnDeere Thu 25-Oct-12 21:28:13

Hope it goes well for you Beardy. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Fwiw, mine was 6 days ago and today, for the first time, I feel fine (well, physically, the emotional stuff is a whole different matter).

Be kind to yourself and take care.

Beardy24 Thu 25-Oct-12 21:01:00

Well, it's nearly Friday...Ive given it nearly 2 weeks for the MC to happen and other than a few cramps and backache I've had nothing...I'm scared about the op but I'm hoping ill start to feel a little bit more like myself after tomorrow is over and done with...Thanks for all your support over the last couple of weeks xx

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:57:20

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 thank you, I'm eating a magnum as we speak xx

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:54:34

MrsJohnDeere I'm okay today thank you, will be feeling better when Friday is here, seems to be dragging...Still having occasional cramps and got a sore back but other than that...Hope your okay too xx

Also really sorry to her about your dads, sisters daughter its horrid sad. When I lost riley my boyfriends auntie miscarried the same day at 13 weeks due to the same thing. Make sure you both stay strong :-)

I see where your coming from, the last thing you want is people asking how you are all the time makes you feel worse.

All my family new because how far gone i was my little brother aged 8 and twin brother and sister 5 have said to me everyday since i lost riley they miss him. My 8 year old brother has nightmares and crys alot about it, sometimes he errs or poos the bed. Its horrible to see how much its affected them, they have changed A LOT!

If you ever need support come on here there a lovely bunch :-). Go much some chocolate helps me haha. X

MrsJohnDeere Wed 24-Oct-12 15:39:02

How are you holding up today Beardy?

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:05:32

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I haven't told my mums side of the family, I'm not really close to them and could do without the pestering at the moment...I've been off work since last Monday and not one of my friends have called round to see me. I understand they all work and have families but they don't work weekends, any excuse not to travel 30 miles (we moved away a year ago) I'm so angry about it...

Found out this evening via my dad that his sisters daughter has miscarried today, she didn't know she was pregnant and it happened in the shower...I grew up with her I'm very upset by it, strange its happened round the same time as me too...she's the same age as me, her first pregnancy.

Glad you have lovely family around you, my dad & mother in law (to be) have been my rocks xx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:00:24

StrawbsAndCream aw thank you for your post, it has helped me so much xxx

Only try again when you geel your body is ready.

Thank you, I couldnt have done it without my family and boyfriend hes 25 :-).

If you need me I'm here smile

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:45:11

(haven't a clue what I did there!!)

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:44:28

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

Regarding ttc, I am doing just that, as that was how we conceived first time, I pretty much gave up and said do you know what I just cannot be assed for this anymore! A month of amazing carefree sex (sorry!) and I was pregnant! So just going with the flow, what will be will be!

Wow sorry for the bloody long post! Woops!

I hope you are ok today - as can be, thanks to you too, and feel free to ask anything else or if you just need to chat it out! xxxxxx

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:37:41

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:18:16

That should have been thanks
Xx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:17:35

StrawbsAndCream so very sorry to hear of your loss, its just not fair is it?
I too felt numb when they told me things weren't progressing...For a second even thought she must have got it wrong...in a way I feel blessed that I had these scans from being 4 weeks onwards..but in another sense it just gave me false hope as things seemed to be going well..I would have been 10 weeks this Thursday and baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks they think.

Thanks for giving me a bit more of an insight into what's going to happen on Friday, I am so scared...it doesn't sound half as bad as I thought it was going to be..Will I get painkillers/morphine without asking or does it depend on pain??

Best of luck with ttc, just take it easy as you say...[flowers]
There will be no more ovulation tests/ovulation calanders/being sat on the loo with a test the day my period is due when we start ttc again;my plan is to be much more relaxed about it all this time...

Xx

StrawbsAndCream Mon 22-Oct-12 23:44:58

Beardy I'm so sorry, it really is so so rubbish. Everyone here is brill with amazing advice so you've come to the right place x
I had an erpc last month, after finding out at our first scan at nearly 13 weeks that there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at 8+4, we had no idea but I did have a feeling before the scan it wasn't going to be good. You just feel numb at the time don't you? I just couldn't believe it was actually happening to me, I still can't really.
The op is absolutely fine, I went into hosp in the morning, they took blood etc and i signed forms which you already have done, you get given a gown and some (really attractive) compression socks and tags on your wrist and ankle. Everybody is lovely and I was well taken care of, they pop a pessary near your cervix about an hour before you go down, you are in and out of theatre in an hour, I was back on the ward with lots of morphine :-), I had to stay over night in the end but you probably won't have to, allow yourself a lot of time to recover, I had 2 weeks off work but I could have done with longer, emotionally more than anything.
Sorry if I've gone in to too much detail, you probably won't want to think about it but I had no clue going in what was going to happen and I wish I had known before hand. They will give you antibiotics at the hospital and some nice strong paracetamol.

We were ttc for 19 months before we got our bfp, I'm 20 so even a bit younger than you, it really is awful, the worst feeling in the world, but it does get easier with time, i can only just talk about it without being a blubbering mess. We have just started ttc again, just taking it easy really.

I will be thinking of you hun, and please ask any questions you like, we are all here for support, take good care of yourself and make sure you are waited on hand and foot! Xxxx

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 22:58:35

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking story, I can't believe what you must have been through and still going through, and still only 18...I hope college and uni goes well for you and brings you some comfort. I can't wait to get back to work, just petrified of something happening whilst I'm there and not being near to home...

I have learnt over the last few weeks that some doctors/nurses are so compassionate and others really aren't...

I really hope you feel better soon x

I'm so sorry about your loss sad

I lost my baby boy Riley-Lee at 23 weeks on 6th April. I had 2 D&C's after loosing him over two months, neither of them worked and passed some after birth over 3months later and got pregnant within the month after that.

I then had an early m/c at 8 weeks in August... I still feel so ill, doctors wont sort me out ive lost two stone some have no respect. I'm only 18, defiantly waiting to heal properly now.. finish college and go to uni.

I hope you heal properly and I'm really aorry to hear what you have been through, its a horrible thing to hear sad.

Stay strong :-)

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 20:42:52

I've been wearing sanitary pads since last Monday just incase, seems silly but want to feel secure.

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, puts things into perspective when you speak with people who have been through so much worse than yourself currently or in the past...

I haven't had any more pains since earlier...maybe it's the start of things to come...just glad I've got an amazing partner to share this nasty experience with me...and of course all you lovely ladies on here xxx

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