How do I cope with this?

[harassedinherpants]

I had erpc on Tuesday of last week after finding out the previous Friday that I'd had a mmc. I was due 11 Aug and one of my closest friends fell accidentally prg at the same time and is due two days before me. We've had lots of chats since everything happened and I can talk about prg/baby stuff!!

She had her 12 week scan today, and whilst I'm really happy that everything is ok for her, I'm sat here in floods of tears. My 12 week scan would have been on Monday.

I'm so worried this is how I'm going to feel all the way through her prg, it's like a constant reminder that I lost my baby and I don't know what to do . Will it get better as time goes on??

[Collie2]

ohh Harassed I am so sorry. Remember honey that Tuesday was really not that long ago and everything is still so very raw. Everyone is different, and the time it takes will vary, but it will get easier. You sound like you have a good relationship with your friend so i am sure she will understand, you should try to be honest with her.

I found out we had lost our baby almost 6 weeks ago and i think its only been this last week that i've started to feel a little bit like my old self.

I also have a close friend who has given birth in the middle of it all. I found seeing her pg ok, but can't muster the courage to go and she her beautiful little baby girl yet. In fact i cried the day she had her. Its doesn't mean i am not over the moon for her or that i am a bad person, i'm just still grieving. And she understands that.

Just give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself, your loss is still very recent.

BIG hugs xxxxx

[harassedinherpants]

Thanks Collie, def not one of my better days!!

She really is a great friend, and totally gutted for me. She came round earlier for coffee which was lovely, and brought scan pics but felt funny about showing me until I asked her. Seemed strange looking at them, the last ones I saw were of our poor baby with no heartbeat.

Hope I start feeling normal soon, not sure how I'm going to cope with work next week tbh!

[Collie2]

Sorry you're having such a rubbish day. I don't know how you are finding it but i found those real lows were everyday, then every other day at first. But the gap between them keeps getting longer and the lows don't seem to last all day either. My last real low last weds night.

Does work know? Are they supportive? Most of mine didn't know but having the 2 that did helped. My first couple of days back were hard, i was very subdude as expected and would shed the odd tear in the loos. But the week got easier half way through, although i found it really hard to concentrate and be anything like productive for over a week. Just don't work to hard, take it easy. After the first couple of days that were the hardest, work was actually a welcomed distraction.

I hope you're feeling 'better' tomorrow. Treat yourselve to some choc's and a glass of vino....with any luck you won't be able to drink for too much longer! xxx

[Greeninkmama]

Harrassed, it does get better, but there is always a pain there. I think it is wonderful and admirable that you are happy for your friend, and I don't think you need to push yourself to share every stage of her pregnancy with her. It sounds as if she understands you are struggling (and most women would). I would just be really really gentle on yourself, and do what feels comfortable for now. xx