40+ mc again :(

[jerzygurl]

HI Ladies im new to here and just wanted to in short tell my tale
i have 2 children 21 and 19..then fell pregnant last year to my fiance ( diff man)..hugeee shock after 19 yrs .fiance flew back to usa for buisness kissing bump bye.i went off for first scan...baby had died at 9+ weeks..i was numb and only looking back did i realise how rubbish i was treated.the doctor asking me did i really want this baby and my age etc it was a missed m/c.
i dont know how i got through it all..my fiance did by cheating with women online..said he needed to take his mind off things..but i did cop..i told him to get lost ..but he turned up back in uk full of remorse and tears and we got married..my daughter gave birth 4 weeks after i would off..it was so hard.
i then fell again feb this year..and sadly in march lost my lil one..another missed/mc..i first i took help ( pill) as truly i didnt know what was goin on and what i should n shoudnt do..and lost lil one home alone..the second naturally at home and was hell..the pain was more like contractions..and huge loss...
and here i am now wondering should i carry on?..i now i hafta see my sons gf who is pregnant n due 4 weeks after i wud of been go through everything i shud be and support them knowing my babys gone ..i had to do the same with my daughter...i wonder will it ever be my time..
we went doctors yesterday..she said we should hurry because my age n has set up blood tests on 2 and 21 days of my cycle..and hubby has to give a sample
are there any other ladys gone or goin through the same?
i feel so alone in all this

sorry for long msg

[SophiasMummy]

Hi Jerzygurl,

I am 40 and also TTC. I have one DD aged three and since her I've had:
1 mc 6.5 wks- medically simply
1mc 8,5 wks - horrendous, emergency surgery, transfusions, the works
1mc 6.5wks - blighted ovum
1 mc 6.5 wks - ERPC
2 x chemical pregnancies. Positive test and then period 4 and 6 days later, no pregnancy symptoms...

All in the space of 15 MONTHS!!!!

I have had all the tests, and I have factor V leiden, which I knew about and for which I take aspirin (I can't get pregnant unless I take aspirin) but nothing new came up in the tests.

My consultant's view is that I'm just very unlucky. He said the miscarriage rate at my age is 1 in three, so I'm just getting that unlucky one each time.

I was quite prepared that it might take 6 months to a year to fall pregnant and even that I might have a miscarriage or two, but I wasn't prepared to fall pregnant pretty much every time I have sex (LOL) and for them to continue to fail.

My husband and I have set ourselves a time limit and if I am not successfully pregnant by then we will stop. But for the time being, I'm still trying...

and if you want to, you still can too. Whatever the negative odds are at your age, you have to remember that the flip side is all the positive odds.

Just sharing all this in the hope that you don't feel quite so alone.

xxx

p.s. my sister in law is pregnant and we would have been at the same stage. It's easier for me to see her because I didn't tell her about my miscarriage, so she doens't have to feel sorry for me/feel awkward around me and I can focus on her happiness and ignore (for the time that I am with her at least) my dissapointment.

My OBGYN says the best statistic for my future is that I have one healthy child - he says this is the best proof I can have another so I should keep trying for as long as I want...

[jerzygurl]

Hi SophiasMummy and thanks for replying..and understanding what im goin through means so much

Gosh i cannot belive you have been through all that in 15 months hun!!absolutely unbelievable..i thought i was bad 2 mcs in 8 months.How on earth are you and did you cope?

I havent heard of the asprin thing?im guessing its to think blood or something?

Im under a consultant at the hospital ..who was so rude to me..going on about my age n did i really want a child n was i thinking straight 0_o.yet my midwife i had was so supportive n said she had many women my age pregnant and having healthy births .so thats good for us eh!!

i know as we get to 40 the risks of mc is higher yet i know many and my two closest friends who had children at 38 and 39.

I was so shocked when i first fell ..i thought my baby days was well over now i seem obsessed with it..well i was after the first one ..now i think im just a lil numb.Gosh you fall preggers easy Hun!!..thats a good thing on your side and im guessing that one time has to be good for you and when it comes it will all be worth it

i feel bad trying like im being selfish and should be happy with grandbabies and i am ..i soo am believe me..i think i feel bad because im thinking of myself for once..been a long time since i did that!!

We also decided to keep trying but get the tests done and see what can be done and results asap so we know..dont think my mental state can take much more.

Thankyou so much for the reply i dont feel so alone now xxx