Need some help with online dating thing

[NationalFlight]

Hello

I've been emailing a really nice, interesting bloke from a dating site, for a few weeks. Trouble is, he writes incredibly long emails - funny, and nice, and he can spell (!) but I have found myself leaving it longer and longer and longer between replies, simply because I feel like I have homework to do -it's nice writing to him but feels like an essay is required.

I can';t keep up especially not with two small kids - he hasnt any. I'm exhausted, don't even want to speak to my friends if they ring - it's not fair on him and he keeps offering me a way out by saying he understands if I'm not interested.

The thing is I am, but can't manage to keep up with it.

I feel terrible and not sure what to do. I've been honest and told him I just struggle to find the time and thereofre maybe a relationship would be wrong for me atm.

but would like to keep in touch.

I'm afraid of hurting his feelings and also of just never having the energy for a bloke...anyone found a way round this/ Or is it my subconscious telling me he isn't the right one iyswim?

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

if you seem to get on together why haven't you moved onto texting?
it's the next obvious step isn't it?

[NationalFlight]

Thanks Asbm...is it? It never occurred to me. I thought of asking him to meet up but surely that wouldn't be a great idea if I can't even get round to emailing the guy?

I'm just really unsure how to fit it all in, mentally...I do have time to mail him yet somehow I just can't bring myself to do it - fear of being interrupted by the kids, plus just seems like hard work for some reason.

[NationalFlight]

I think maybe I just don't have the emotional space for anyone apart from the children. sometimes not even them.

That's a bit rubbish if I want a relationship isn't it? Even that nice friend I was talking about who wanted to be part of our family - I couldn't keep up just texting him. I got so cross that he seemed to expect me to talk on the phone for more than ten minutes, with children around...somehow I am angry with these men but i know they haven't done anything wrong, just they're demanding my thoughts and my thoughts are already full up.

I think what I'm cross about is that they aren't helping with the children, at all - and why should they, at this stage - but I'm having to do all that and then make time for them.

Ridiculous of me isn't it.

[Niceguy2]

I agree with you NF. I don't think you are in the right place for a relationship.

If you can't even find the time to reply to an e-mail, text him or even hold a ten minute conversation then as you've already said, how will you fit in an actual date??

You are wasting his time. What you are really after is not a date but simply a bit of attention. Let him know that and if he still messages you then fair do's.

[NationalFlight]

I don't think I'm after attention. I think I was hoping to find someone really nice I could possibly have a relationship with but am now finding it is too much of a commitment. I have written several LONG emails back to him just that it's getting harder to keep doing it.

You make it sound as though I am using him or being really selfish - I honestly don't think I am. I've given him the option now anyway.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

NF what about msn,then you can message when it suits you or if you have the time have a convo once the dc are in bed
and a text can be answered when it suits you really can't it?
tho if you leave him waiting hours or days for a reply he'll prob.think you're not interested!!
it is hard to do this i agree,i'm in the same boat as you here my dc come first,but it is nice to think that we are entitled to have some sort of adult life which can somehow fit in around them