"been there done that "advice needed please!

[imgoingtodoit]

I've posted this in relationships, but they suggested I try here too. Hope you can help

Right. I'm going to (eventually) leave my dh. Counselling has shown me this is the right thing to do and for the first time in ages I actually feel ok, well i feel okish (but thta's an improvement!)
But I haven't a clue where to start. Can you wise mners further down the road bear to share their wisdom? Specifically:

How do I find out about housing? will I get housed (have ds aged 7).

What about work? practically this makes work v difficult/impossibe (I do agency work and in different locations)as I will lose my transport, so won't be able to do same job? Have I made my self voluntarily out of work? Will this affect any benefits I might get? How can I find out about benefits?

This all feels very new to me (but weirdly exciting as well). Have noone local in rl to discuss this with or help. Have just spoken to H about it, whose response was "when are you moving out?", then "go and see cab"(I will try to tomorrow). have looked at "entitled to" website but can't make much sense of it cos income irregular, don't know where I'm going to be living etc. Have ordered "divorce for dummies".

Please share you "out the other side" stories and practical advice too. And wish me luck! Many many thanks.

[tessofthedurbervilles]

Try to get an appointment with the lone parent advisor at your local job centre? If you are doing agency work then technically you are not employed so should be able to get an appt. They will help you to apply for benefits and will know what you are and are not entitled to.
Without knowing the ins and outs of your current situation its hard to say what you will be able to get but a LPA would know...good luck!

[imgoingtodoit]

Thanks. I didn't even know there was someone like that. I'm waiting for them to call me back with an apptmt. Any other advice?

[tessofthedurbervilles]

Does your ex p have means to help you out? It would help your lpa to work things out if she knows what he plans to do. Do you live in his house? Do you own a property? were you married and how straight forward would your divorce be? Sorry to seem nosey but kinda think your ex p should have some part in getting you set up in your new life....

[FAQinglovely]

Why doesn't he move out - who owns the house?

[imgoingtodoit]

House is in joint names, and it is assumed we will sell it.(too big for me and ds and tbh we can't really afford it whilst we're together, let alone apart. Skintness not a factor in our splitting, though.) There's probably about 70 grand equity (though who knows these days ).

It really helps you asking me questions, to be prepared for what lpa might ask, and to think things through. Thanks. I'm feeling very much "I'd better do this on my own" atm, but of course I can see that xp should help. I think deep down he's pretty reasonable (at least in relation to ds)

[FAQinglovely]

Think carefully about you moving out - I would get him to move out in the first instance tbh.

[imgoingtodoit]

He won't . He says I want to split up so I have to move, he works ft to pay the bills blah de blah. I'm just not that bothered tbh, I just want the relationship over without turning nasty, in a dignified way that has the least bad effect on ds.

[tessofthedurbervilles]

Yes I think it is quite unreasonable of him to stay in a big house while his exp p and kids have to apply to the local council.
Owning your own property, I think, will change what benefits you are entitled to as is and hb and ctb are not always available unless you rent.

[FAQinglovely]

I really would seek proper advice about moving out. There's absolutely no guarantee that if you move out he won't turn nasty either.

[FAQinglovely]

you'll get council tax benefit, but you wouldn't get housing benefit.

[imgoingtodoit]

Thank you, this is just the kind of thoughts and advice i've been hoping for. By "proper advice", will cab suffice d'you think, or do I need a solicitor even at this very early stage? i was hoping to avoid that if pos, until the very end.

[FAQinglovely]

You could go to CAB - and you should I'd speak to a solicitor too if I was you. You H doesn't need to know, you're only going for advice to make sure that you and your DS are protected and doing every thing you can to ensure your long term future.

[OnlyWantsOne]

I wouldn't move out of the house.

All utility companies etc need to be notified if you do, to be removed off any accounts for the house - when I left my X i didnt do this - and Im still paying off the debt now.

Get proper legal advice from a solicitor, I wouldnt just leave though.