he will do anything to see the kids - except obey court order!

[cestlavielife]

in court december - ex says to judge "i will do anything to see the dcs". so supervised contact at contact centre agreed (his mental health status, his unpredictable behaviour, violence), agreement to pay half each for six sessions jan-march...and cafcass to do report.

i hadnt heard anything...he turned up monday morning in the snow on doorstep (not allowed, court order is indirect contact 8 pm on a wednesday) brought donuts, asked to take kids out in snow (??) ..i said no, speak to the centre - he said "i have i dont like it, i want to propose church hall where i am doing an alpha course...oh and i am unemployed i cant pay"

so let's say he has reasonable complaint about centre (cant see what! is very pleasant environment toys books etc...)
is up to him to take me back to court and ask for different arrangements right? (we ahve date for review hearing end april)

and why would i agree to some church group? when centre is independent secular? (not against church but am agnostic/indifferent...) -cant se they trained in supervising contact...

and if he cant pay he should bring that up too? he doesnt have a solicitor (LIP) but he is supposed to speak to mine if any issues...

in meantime he hasnt seen kids at all since august - only once in december supervised at court family room.

oh and he said to me on doorstep "you look better when you smile" and "you are the paranoid one".

have reported it all to solicitor....

[ScummyMummy]

Jeez, what a pill he does sound.[grr] Sounds like you handled it brilliantly, though.

[onlywantsone]

lol at the sweet confectionary being the answer to everthing ffs sounds like my x

[N1]

The court order should order the resident parent to make the children available for contact (at a place or/and time). Court orders don't order one parent to be involved with contact. This is a long argued point by resident parents. Sadly there are some absent parents who argue really hard in a court to get a contact order, then after a month contact becomes "forgotten" and there is nothing that the resident parent can do about it.

What is the wording on your court order?

[TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2]

My mum uses a church hall all the time for contact and has people there who are trained/ CRB'd to supervise contact. It's just a hall and people, nothing religious accept the building. They have facilities for the kids there because of the Sunday School.

[cestlavielife]

if he wants to propose a new contact centre/arrangement then fine - happy to consider it....i have no prob with a church hall and crb'd people.

(but do have a prob if overtly religious...)

but he has to do that thru my solicitor - or go back to court and agree the venue....

i want to make the children available for contact...he is refusing the venue... and he is not offically or formally proposing a new one. or has not done so yet. meantime time goes by....

and is sending text messages to children saying "let us meet in the park" - seems to think court order is to be ignored?

and wanting to come by to pick stuff up/drop stuff other than at the agreed weekly indirect contact.

he did bump into my oldest when he was out with his carer (he is autistic) - he spoke to him and referred to "your crazy mother" who wont let me see you.... sigh...

[oldraver]

I think the only thing you can do is ignore him, easy to say I know when he is attempting to contact you outside the permitted times. Is there anything in place that says he cant contact you ?? is it enforcable

As you say its up to him to go back to court to ask for a change of venue, not too sure how good a reason 'not liking the place' is when he cant even be bothered to give it a try. He may of been taken seriously if he had stuck to it for few months then he asked for a change but hopefully they will see him for what he is and laugh at him

[TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2]

I know, I wasn't saying you should just let him change, just saying that a church venue can be trained and not about religion. If they're trained they would be in trouble for getting religious but then contact workers shouldn't be getting so involved as to be being religious.

Sounds like he is trying it on and even if you did just agree to the change he would find another excuse.

[KingCanuteIAm]

Have you been back to Caffcass and told them that he is refusing the arrangements and contacting the children direct to attempt to arrange visits outside of the agreement (as well as turning up at your house)?

They should approach him to reiterate the order and tell him that he needs to stick to it. If he continues than they should help take it back to court to try to resolve things.

Sadly my Caffcass officer told me that as many as 1 in 3 fathers who pursue contact through the courts have stopped visiting within 3 months even when they win full unsupervised access. Perhaps he is just not up to the long slog that it will take to prove himself to caffcass, the children, the courts and you.