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Is my xh preventing people employing me?

8 replies

mamas12 · 25/01/2009 23:30

Hello I am new here but you all seem to give great perspective on things I need to ask your advice. Don't know if I am just being paranoid.
Been divorced 2yrs next month and have been back working in the field I was working in before (tv related,sorry can't be more specific)for the last year. Have emailed and sent brochures and given updates on websites and new services we offer throughout the year to all in the industry i know and have worked with and those I haven't worked with but may know my work but NO-ONE I repeat NO-ONE has employed me from the tv sector.
Getting work from other sources and am now breaking even after a year (which is pretty bloody good) but tv work does pay a bit more and to be honest is creatively more satisfying too.
Now, xh is a producer and ex bigwig in regional broadcasting and had influence in commissioning programmes in the local independant sector and am wondering if either people are too scared of him to employ me or I really was/am crap at my job and only ever got employed before because of him! (which by the way he did successfully sue someone because they they accused him of nepotism after which 'we agreed' i would only work for people who had previously employed me)
Don't really know what to do next other than ringing them up personally and asking them if there is any work coming up and to consider me (balk) or do another round of emails and mailshots etc.
please have run out of brainspace
sorry for ramble and mixed up info.

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bahia · 25/01/2009 23:44

this is a difficult one whivch could land you in legal trouble were you to perpetrate allegations without backing them up with sound proof. You know that. Personally I don't think it's unlikely that your ex has dissed you in the industry. I think the easiest way to find out is through friends who work in the same field/have connections to recommend you to someone and then see their reaction. Maybe they'll say something dismissive about you to your friends rather than directly to your face.

Working in an entirely different, but not less close-knit space I can say you'll find out very quickly what reputation you have/if someone's slagging you off. People talk.

I don't think I would keep ring up people or email them. Ask if you happen to bump into them persomnally. Definitely do not pen your thoughts to paper or have it taped. Your ex could sue your socks off if you say things you cannot prove! However, in my eyes it would be absolutely legitimate to just casually ask: Do you not work with me because ex H dissed me? (But only to clients you've known for years and were quite close to before.) You don't want a rep as being paranoid.

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HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 25/01/2009 23:47

Could be.

But could just be recession?

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bahia · 25/01/2009 23:55

Bella, my thought, too.

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mamas12 · 26/01/2009 00:04

bahia thank you I will try to speak to people personally that is a good idea.
This is the first time I have put anything down refering to this , is this thread libelous?

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mamas12 · 26/01/2009 00:09

bella could be recession?

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bahia · 26/01/2009 00:36

No dear, it's not libelous at all. Don't worry.

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bahia · 26/01/2009 00:38

Go and have a quiet chat, keep up the good work and do your best to ignore the ex. Remember, if you are seen to be pleasant and nice, not bitchy or bitter about him, if you just continue as ususal, then whatever he has said will fade into oblivion, simply because you don't live up[ to it. Sorry to hear it's so stressful, but if you're about to break even after just a year that is bloody great work, esp. in this economic climate!!

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mamas12 · 26/01/2009 10:46

Thanks baha it's just the old 'anxious' feeling came back to me then that I was 'in trouble' with him again Haven't had that for ages!
No-one knows really what went on between us except three close friends only 1 working in the industry (dr. and therapist!)and I don't diss him at all inpublic because he is my childrens father after all and they need to feel proud of him. But isn't it frustrating, I know he has given 'his side' to some because I have had feedback and corrected them.
Thanks for the peptalk you've been v. kind.
I will just carry on as I am then and phone a few to ask if they're busy.