Talk

Flip

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Dilemma

2 replies

Timbuktu · 14/12/2008 13:26

Hi,
This is the first time I've posted on here, so I hope you don't mind me jumping in asking for advice like this!

Basically, I met my exH whilst working in Africa. We got married and I returned to UK pregnant and fought really hard for him to get his visa and join me here. We stayed together about a year after dd was born and for last year have been split up. He has seen dd sporadically, has gone missing for periods, but always paid his csa payments. DD has had a medical issue and I've been left to deal with all appts, surgery, therapy etc.

Anyway, the issue now is that the Home Office have told him to leave the country immediately as his spouse visa is not valid anymore. His options are to stay in UK and get a judicial review stating his human rights to see dd, but will take up to 12 months and no right to work/benefits. Or to return home and re-apply for child access visa there, probably take 3 months. He is choosing to go home. He says he needs a 'strong' statement from me, stating what a great father/influence he is on dd, that i want him in her life, that I will do anything possible to help him access dd.

That statement would obviously be very far from the truth. And I am still very bitter and hurt about the way I was abandoned to deal and cope with a baby who had health issues. But, if I refuse or write the truth and he is denied access to the UK am I just storing up a plethora of problems for the future eg. dd resenting me for keeping her father away from her?? Should I just do it for the sake of dd?

many thanks xx x

OP posts:

Report

twocatstwokidsandcounting · 14/12/2008 14:57

That sounds very, very hard, Timbuktu.

Tell the truth - financially, he has supported your DD. Would he be able to do this from his home? He has had some access; clearly, impossible if he is no longer in the country. It is in your child's interest to see her father - even occasionally and I think you can state that very, very strongly. That her needs will be best addressed with him in the UK. IMO, that would amount to a very strong statement and is the truth.

Good luck.

Report

Timbuktu · 15/12/2008 13:31

Thanks two cats,

That is exactly what I feel comfortable with, to give a strong statement regarding future expectations of him as a Father, rather than lie about the past. I just hate having the feeling that dd is getting used to gain him a visa. But I guess it's for him to dig his own grave there and she will grow up to see it. x x