Please help me make this split as easy it it can be for my DCs

[PleasePassTheJackDaniels]

DH and I are on a trial separation because of his temper. He left on Sunday afternoon and I am now having problems with DD1 (4.6) which I would really like some help with.

Before he left he told DD1 and DD2 (2.6) that 'nasty mummy wanted him to leave' - this is what DD1 told me he had said - he denies it (not sure who to believe tbh but can't see why she would say it if he hadn't). When I realised this is what she thought was happening we sat them down and just told them that Daddy was going to visit X for a while and would be back. Nothing unusual about this as he goes away quite often. I thought all would be well and they would be none the wiser - there have been no arguments or similar for them to pick up on at all and he will be back as he can't stay where he is for long.

DD1 now says she hates me, wants her daddy back, crying all the time etc. She won't speak to him on the phone apart from to say I have been hitting her (obv not the case). She says I am trying to split the family up ().DD2 seems OK.

What can I say to her? I have just said he has gone away for a while - he will be back in a week (although I would much rather he stayed away for much longer tbh). I guess she knows full well what is going on, I don't know what he said to her but he must have said something similar to what she told me he had said to cause this reaction.

I guess I just feel pretty bad atm. My DCs have been pushed, roughly handled, sworn at and worse and I don't want that for them. I guess they think this is the norm and that I am nasty for making their dad go away without good reason. I'm pretty sure there isn't a way to explain this to them and that only in time will they realise (possibly) that I did the right thing. I don't really care if my kids hate me for this, I just don't want them thinking this behaviour is OK. Most importantly how can I make this as easy as possible for them?

Sorry for the long rambling post. I have a babyDS too who is poorly and screaming at me as I type so this probably doesn't make much sense at all!

Thanks for any replies . No one else to ask about this.

[Ihaverunaway]

Hi, I am in similar situation. My dh is a nasty drunk but good father most of the time.
I am hoping for pointers of how to get through this too.
My dh is still in the house whilst me and dcs camped out at my parents.He does not have any where to go or any money so is staying put.

How are you feeling ? I am fine one minute and not the next.

[PleasePassTheJackDaniels]

• My DH is fine one minute and not the next too.

I'm feeling great actually (apart from the bit I've posted here). Things are so much easier without him around - no more walking on eggshells or making sure the baby doesn't cry (a big trigger for DH) - it's bliss and that is why I would rather he stayed away. Obviously it has only been a short while but the relief has been immediate for me.

My DH doesn't have anywhere to go or any money either. He is staying with a friend for a week but that is all he can do - he has to come back for work. The DCs and I have nowhere to go. HV is coming round tomorrow so I hope she is full of ideas (because I'm all out of them!)

How are your DCs doing? Lets hope we get some responses to the OP eh?

[Ihaverunaway]

Hi there,

how are you doing ? Hope the hv was some help.

I have just seen dh and he is still refusing to move out of the house. we are geting a valuation tomorrow to get it on the market asap but with the current market we will not get what we paid 3 years ago.

At least he is now saying the children will live with me.

He rang me at 7am this morning to ask if I want a shag. WTF wa that about ??? (I declined the kind offer)

I am going to phone solicitor and tax credit people now so things are getting done.

What are you going to do when dh comes back ?

[PleasePassTheJackDaniels]

Allo

Yes HV was helpful. Quite surprised at what I had done - she had been telling me to for about 2 yrs now - but impressed. She said she hadn't seen me looking so good for ages.......er, I think that was a compliment .

I have to go to the CAB and get some free legal advise apparently - sort out what can be done so that DH and I can afford to live apart . Maybe you should do the same?

at turning down the 'kind offer'!

Not sure what I can do when DH returns. He is very very keen to sort things but I really feel it is too late now. Been trying to get him to sort this for 5 yrs now. He sent me a text today saying he is missing us loads but I can't forget what has gone on. If he refuses to see things my way I think I will contact RELATE to help us through this - they don't just help keep people together, they also help people split amicably apparently.

We're not getting much response from people who have been through all this already are we? I blame myself, in my normal guise I am a serial thread-killer