Am so f-ing cross at work colleague....

[mojoawol]

who, on a rare night out for drinks with them and when I said that DS(just)4 sleeps in my bed, told me 'I really ought to get him into his own bed, he needs his independence'.
AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH - still want to punch her smug, child-free face. What business is it of hers? Not to mention he has probably had plenty of independence since I went back to work full-time when he was 1, and then shortly after split with his father. Christ, am getting cross again just typing about it.
Is my only hope for revenge waiting until she has her own kids to even have an inkling?

[glitterfairy]

Take no notice. My ds who is 12 sometimes crawls in with me because he is sad or having an off day. I would laugh at someone thinking it was not innocent and lovely. Both my dds come in on separate nights at the weekend and moan if I dont let them.

When I chucked X out three years ago they all three slept in my bedroom for over a year doing a rotation of who was in the bed as they were so upset and because of the violence and there is nothing wrong at all in that.

[Tinkerbel6]

mojoawol ignore it, I have an opinionated friend like that, I was told that people often have councelling because them and their children are too close

[funkypumpkin]

Ignore her, my DS2 nearly 11 sleeps with me nearly every night. Nothing wrong.

[Tortington]

yes nothing wrong with it my 43 year old son ( computer programmer 6 phds) does the same

people say he is a mummy's boy, i think they are short Sighted.

[hambo]

I had a friend (childless) who was like that when I was preggo. You should not eat this , you should do this....as if I didn't know! Then she told me to 'Run through' morning sickness (when I said I couldn't go for our weekly jog). It's not a bleeding hangover!

My revenge will be when she gets up the duff and realises how annoying it is to be told how to do things by others, esp those with no experience!

[hambo]

heh heh Custardo

[glitterfairy]

LOl custardo and Bitty to you!

[mojoawol]

Would probably have been just as annoyed if she had children - as it would have meant she could no longer been my friend!

[TheCrackFox]

Tell her to piss off. Just because she has watched a couple of episodes of SuperNanny does not make her an expert on child rearing.

[brightwell]

My nearly 11 ds sleeps in my bed most nights, here's hoping he grows out of it at somepoint.

[glitterfairy]

He will brightwell!

[Tinkerbel6]

My 7 yer old is in my bed more than she is in her own, it doen't hurt anyone and seems to be more of a problem for other people thats why they give an unwanted opinion for some strange reason.

[mojoawol]

It has been his decision - ever since we moved to new flat last summer (always used to sleep in his own room) he never really settled in his new bed/room and wanted to sleep with me. Will get round to re-decorating/putting in night light etc to try to encourage him back in, but at the moment, as no-one else in the bed with me, I quite like it. One day he will move back, and then I'll miss it so not too concerned.
I think what made me most cross was, not just her attitude in thinking she knows what's best for me and my son, but also saying he 'needs his independence'. He's been going to childminders since he was 1, he sleeps at his Dad's and gp's occasionally, so think he has plenty of independence.
Also, when you're on your own, with no-one to support/encourage you, it hurts more when someone tells you you're doing something 'wrong'.

[OptimistS]

Next time your friend voices this comment, tell her that actually a lot of recent research suggests that co-sleeping results in children that are MORE independent and less insecure!! Also, having separate beds/bedrooms is a relatively recent phenomenon - don't forget that the vast majority of us would have been living in a situation where entire families share the bed 100 years ago, and in non-Westernised countries, this is still commonly the norm.

[reikimarie]

I find it nice to share with my boy when I am feeling sick as he then gives me a lie-in the next morning if we share the bed! He is 3 and particularly clingy about going into his room at the moment, he used to be brilliant at it but I understand at this age they can go clingy, I think it is quite sweet. However I wouldn't do it normally as he is usually very restless and spends the whole night kicking me! The last two nights it has really helped me because he didn't kick and we both slept a treat.

Think people without children have NO right whatsoever to pass comment I wouldn't put up with it! I would be tempted to make something up rather than have it up for open discussion at work!

[Littlefish]

Sorry, but I think you are completely over-reacting. She was simply expressing an opinion and making conversation. You don't need to take it on board. You and she simple have differing ideas.

She's a work colleague, not a life long friend.

Reikimarie - what a silly attitude "people without children have no right whatsoever to pass comment I wouldn't put up with it". We're not talking about racist or homophobic comments here, we're talking about a passing comment. Would you ignore people at parties making small talk simply because they don't have children??????

[Littlefish]

simply

[RachelG]

Mojo I would have been livid too. As a single parent, I feel like we are fair game for judgement. I'm sure that people pass comment on the parenting styles of single parents more than on couples, because we've got no-one to back us up. We make decisions and hope they're the right ones, because there's no lovely DH around to discuss it with.

I think parenting decisions are a very emotive area, and I wouldn't dream of criticising what someone did unless a) they asked for my opinion, b) they were a very close friend, or c) they were obviously harming their child in some way.

I think, as single parents, we feel very vulnerable and unsure about what we do, and to have some gobby git stick their nose in is very upsetting.

[kyrasmummy]

My dd is 4.3 and still sleeps with me everynight, my DS was 3 yesterday and sleeps next to me in a travel cot and they both have their own bedrooms. I used to get comments to, but now i don't care what anyone else thinks and i tell them

[mojoawol]

Thank you Rachel! Glad you understand. Obviously the whole thing has blown over at work (she sits opposite me, so would be pretty unpleasasnt working day if I hadn't managed to get over myself - although not without a day of snubbing and then shouting!)
And littlefish, she wasn't expressing an opinion/making conversation - she was trying to tell me what was best for my child, who she doesn't know, doesn't know our background etc.
I have no problem with someone showing an interest, asking how I feel about it etc, but, with no knowledge other than me having said DS sleeps in my bed she waded right in with a judgement.
FFS, getting all cross again now!

[MollieO]

I would say that if you can't take comment or what you perceive as criticism then maybe it would be better not to have said it in the first place.

My ds sometimes sleeps in my bed mainly when I am too shattered to have the battle of getting him to sleep in his bed. It is something I'd never tell a work colleague but is something I'd share with a friend.

There is plenty I wouldn't share with colleagues for a whole variety of reasons. I do think though if you shared something like this your work colleague would (rightly imo) assumed you and she had crossed the work to friendship barrier when as far as you are concerned you haven't.