should I, shouldn't I?

[MrNonsense]

Hello I am new to posting a messages on mumsnet but have been reading messages for a while and thought I might ask the advice of you wise people.

I have been split up from my ex for two years now. Our DS is 3.

Before the split all was rows and turmoil. Anyone seen 'who's afraid of virginia woolf?', well then you get the picture. But since the split, we have actually become much better friends.

Recently he suggested to me we should get back together again.

I don't know what to do, you see. I don't know that I really love Ex P any more. I do care about him, and I love the way he loves our son, but more than that......and I still remember how awful the rows were. Would we just go back to the old ways if we got back together, or have we grown up a bit in the last two years. I'm not really sure.

More than anything I want to do the best for DS. I know if I did find another partner they wouldn't love him like his Dad does.

Then there's the fact that I'm very broody at the moment, fast approaching 40 and wondering if this might be my last chance to try for another baby...

Are these all the wrong reasons??

Sorry for rather long post. Anyone have any advice for me?

cheers

[Granny22]

Does it have to be 'all or nothing'? Can you spend some more time together, both as a family and as a couple and see how it goes? Why does he want to get back together? Does he say he loves you or is it for the DS's sake?

Sorry - all questions and you are looking for answers.

[trumpetgirl]

I think you are considering it for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes you can get on with someone as friends, but not in a full blown relationship, and if things are going so well now, perhaps it's best to stay as friends?
Your ds will be happy as long as you are, and if you end up in a relationship with his dad and arguing constantly, it's definitely not going to do him any favours.
Even if you do find another partner, your ds's dad will (presumably) still be there for him, so I don't think that is anything to worry about.
You, ultimately, have to make the decision, but I think that you should be really sure before getting back together... and you seem to have doubts at the moment.

[MrNonsense]

Thank you Granny22 and trumpetgirl. Yes in fact ExP is saying he still loves me and says he wonders why we are apart. He has forgotten apparently exactly how difficult things got, whereas I haven't.

As time goes on I find we are spending a bit more time together as a family, perhaps I should just see how it goes for a bit longer. IN fact I think ExP is pushing for an answer because he is worried I will find someone else, and has said as much.

thanks for advice. Must go to bed now, work day tomorrow and DS always up at 6am on the dot!

[SoloTheCharmedOne]

You split for a reason. Going back probably wouldn't work IMO.

[Liffey]

Don't. I left my x when my youngest was 13 months old, and I foolishly, foolishly when back to him when she was 17 months old. I love my son. but I feel like a bit of an idiot to be honest. If I'd just got on with my own life like I knew I should ahve, then things wouldn't be the absolute bugger's muddle they are today. ANd if you're ever on the lone parent board, you'll know I'm not exaggerating.

Like Solo says, you split for a reason. Please do not prolong the agony.

You are now officially apart. Carpe Diem. Get out there, live!!!

You have one child, and I do understand the broodiness to have a second, but I feel like I sacrificed a lot by going back to my x and having that second child. Everything from a pension to my dignity.

[SoloTheCharmedOne]

Very true Liffey. If I'd stayed away from one of my ex's, I wouldn't have been turned into a single mum. My son would not be here. Now of course, I don't regret him, he's wonderful and has been my reason for living over the years, but I never ever envisaged myself as a lone parent struggling along on my own.
Get out there MrNonsense, find a good man and live your life. Have more Dc's with a man worthy of you.