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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

no strings relationships... anyone got this sussed?

30 replies

Yorkiegirl · 12/06/2008 18:13

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fawkeoff · 12/06/2008 18:30

ooooh am intrigued.....would like one of these in the future if its possible .....are you gettin one???

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PersonalClown · 12/06/2008 18:44

It just sort of happened!!
I found my friend veeerrrrryy sexually attractive and it just sort of evolved into it.
Ok I tell a lie. It was like that when we were younger. We are now sort of dating, after 15 years of flirting and casual sex when we were hanging around together.

Still find him incredibly hot though.

Another one from my younger years started as a relationship, but we soon discovered that we were great as friends. As partners we were always fighting.
Soon we were still going out as friends but having sex if we were both still single. That one worked out for a couple of years till I met Ds' father.

It's not the sort of thing you find. It eveolves from something already there.

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Yorkiegirl · 12/06/2008 19:02

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chocolatespiders · 12/06/2008 19:04

hmmmm
i would quite like this only prob is if you become to attached and they dont want a relationship.....

talking of sex i have got my first date in 3 years in 2 weeks time OMG!!!!!!!

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zippitippitoes · 12/06/2008 19:05

but you could just have a boyfriend who lived a bit too far away

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lou33 · 12/06/2008 19:06

i have done this and it has worked, BUT you need to be very clear with each other about what you want from each other, and realise it is a short term thing with a shelf life, imo

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chocolatespiders · 12/06/2008 19:07

AGREE you need an oil rig worker who comes home a few times a year!!!

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fawkeoff · 12/06/2008 19:09

this sound like fun....even though i am so not up for this yet.....think my best bet is to go to ann summers

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chocolatespiders · 12/06/2008 19:43

dont mind ann summers but you cant really mimic the real thing.........

ann summers is normally 10 times better!!!

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DillyTant · 12/06/2008 20:06

I had a f*ck buddy for about a year, some while ago now. We'd been friends for a long while and there'd always been a flirty thing between us, and we both happened to find ourselves single and ... err ... curious! Neither of us was looking for a partner - too many other things going on in our lives and we just weren't ready (I had kids, he was younger than me and very ambitious, we were not ideally suited as life partners but fancied each other badly) - and we had a very straightforward negotiation. Kept in touch almost daily, saw each other maybe once every two or three weeks for a 24 hour bonkathon. It was fab! He was great in bed, did my confidence the world of good, and fed me haagen-dazs in the bath!

The arrangement lasted for about a year, and then we faced a bit of a 'do we go deeper' crisis and decided not (as I say, we were not remotely suited for a whole load of reasons). It was a bit painful for us both but we were very clear about what had to be done, behaved like grown ups, and moved on.

We both have partners now, and he and his wife have recently had a baby, and we stay in touch - he's proved to be a very loyal friend, and we still twinkle a bit at the memories ;-)

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Yorkiegirl · 13/06/2008 07:01

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gillybean2 · 13/06/2008 07:43

I don't know about that. The whole point is the have someone for urm... "intimate relations"! If they're away a lot of the time then you'd be mostly on your own, and that's no different to now.

Ime (which isn't vast), these things never work because the expectations of both parties tend to be different. Someone always has more emotional involvement than the other person, and if they don't to start with some degree of emotional involvement starts to develop. Women and men are wired differently and it can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings and confusion.

I think you have to be very clear and honest about what you both want and accept that things will change with time, not necessarily for the better. And be able to talk to each other.

I have found, and seen, a lot of men that are happy with this kind of set up as they see it as sex without having to make any commitment and can't believe their luck! I'm not sure that is something I want to encourage really. I'm sure there are women out there who want the same, just I haven't come across any.

Think really hard before you enter anything like this. A moments 'madness' where you let the physical needs get the better of you can cause you all kinds of complications of the emotional kind when the reality hits home.

I'm not saying don't do it, that would be hypocritical of me to say the least! ;) I'm just saying think about if it's really what you want and right for you.

Take care
Gilly

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lostdad · 13/06/2008 08:29

Now, I wouldn't complain...

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gillybean2 · 13/06/2008 08:41

There you go then YorkieGirl, seems LostDad might be the 'buddie' for you... ;)

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zippitippitoes · 13/06/2008 09:36

what dillytant describes is to me a boyfriend girlfriend relationship tho

ok they decided to split when it came to shall we take this deper but still in my eyes bf and gf because they were in touch all the time that to me is not a fuck buddy thing

and it implies they werent seeing other people either for that twelve months

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zippitippitoes · 13/06/2008 09:38

i havent had one of these relationships tho i am too emotional for that

at least i kind of had one briefly but being rung up in the middle of the night for sex didnt rock my boat

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Yorkiegirl · 13/06/2008 23:21

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mypandasgotcrabs · 13/06/2008 23:36

Yes I've definately got it sussed here! Had a couple fo guys at my old work, one got a gf so we called it a day, the other 'passed a coldsore' onto me, but couldn't accept/understand that a coldsore is actually a form of herpes, so that ended.

I now have a couple of fuck buddies. I live in Portsmouth, and yes, a lot of sailors live up to their reputation. Botht he guys that I have on the go are in the navy. One tends to call me when he's home & will pop round for an hour or so. The other, we chat on msn regularly as mates, but occasionally one of us will say we fancy a shag, so I'll go round his for the night.

I guess I've kind of got a 3rd guy on the go as well, although we haven't slept together. He comes round we have a snog & a grope!!! Flirt loads, send each other photos. However, I could in the future deal with a relationship with him (we've liked each other for 5 years, but we were with other people), but if it's just a fling/fuck buddy kinda thing going on, then I'm not bothered, I'll have had my fun with him & move on.

I'm not after a relationship so I find it really easy to have the no strings sex, nd then move onto another when the time comes, or maybe I'm just a slut!

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Remotew · 13/06/2008 23:39

Sorry but I hate the 'fuckbuddies' expression. I think its so crass.

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DillyTant · 13/06/2008 23:40

Zippi, it wasn't a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at all. We were already friends and we became friends who had regular but not frequent sex - we weren't seeing other people, true, but neither of us was looking for any kind of more intimate or lasting relationship - simply no room in our lives for that, and neither of us had any kind of expectation of the other. In the year or so that we were buddying, we didn't go out together, never met each other's families, only ever met up for sex, but being f*ck buddies didn't stop us being nice and decent to each other, and it hasn't stopped us being decent to each other since.

The 'going deeper' thing came up because I realised that I was becoming ready for a relationship and I also knew that this man was not open to anything more committed - he wasn't ready (he was a good decade younger than me) and there was no way we would have been a good match, so we stuck to the agreement we had, and moved on.

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mypandasgotcrabs · 13/06/2008 23:40

I can't believe I've just been that open about my current promiscuity on a public internet forum.

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DillyTant · 13/06/2008 23:42

abouteve - what phrase would you find less crass?

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Remotew · 13/06/2008 23:44

The old fashioned 'lovers' maybe. Sorry its just a pet hate of mine and I don't use it.

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DillyTant · 13/06/2008 23:46

But 'lovers' can imply so much more... FB rather does what it says on the tin!

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madamez · 13/06/2008 23:47

There is nothing at all wrong with having multiple partners as long as you are not telling one of the partners or allowing him/her to believe that his/her relationship with you is a monogamous one.
I think the key component of coping with a no-strings playmate is: can you handle the thought of your playmates playing with other people on the nights they are not doing it with you? If the mere thought makes you burst into tears then casual relationships are not for you.

The other thing that;s vital is to treat your casual fling person with courtesy and respect. Don't refer to him/her within his/her earshot as stupid or unsuitable or not a 'real' relationship unless this is a joke that you both share. Don't phone up (or even worse, turn up on the doorstep) at 3am because you're drunk and horny. Don't expect the other person to have nothing to do but wait for you to feel frisky.