Out of the blue.....

[birky]

I was feeling a bit miserable last night, lovesick and heartbroken thinking about xp and all the good times we had and sent him a text basically saying I'll always love him. Went upto his mums today with dd for her easter eggs and xp gave me a really beautiful easter card from dd and a huge bunch of roses from dd and him. I got all emotional and started crying. We went outside to smoke and suddenly there was this huge spark between us like the old, good days. I said that I'd leave dd there for an hour as she was playing and having fun and he asked me to stay. We then decided it'd be nice to take her to wacky warehouse to play. I was watching them playing in the ball pool and felt so in love with him. We sat and talked, he got upset and told me straight out that he loves me. Told me that he never had any intention of moving in with the new girlfriend and that he was going to finish with her. We both took dd back in the ball pool and i dived in laughing my head off, looked up and he was looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I melted inside. Next thing I knew I felt his hand grab mine and it was just complete and utter love, all the bad stuff just seemed like bad memories. We left and came back to my house had a drink and a long chat and well one thing led to another and it felt so perfect and so right. He's the person I first fell in love with and has swore to me that he will never physically hurt me again and for once I believe him. They say leopards never change their spots but deep down I've got a feeling this one has and I hope I'm right

[DevilwearsPrada]

I hope he has changed and it all works out for you.

[madamez]

Oh dear, do be careful. Don't rush into anything (like letting him move back in) particularly if he was violent. Violent men are frequently lovely when they are not actually beating you up, which is why so many women stay in violent relationships. Has your XP had any kind of counselling or anger management? Has he been in prison for his violent behaviour? Yes, people can change, and can reform after past awful behaviour, but it takes a bit more than a shag to achieve that change. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but your post did worry me a bit.

[birky]

He's not moving back in. We've agreed to spend some time together and if it's working, gradually start spending time together with dd as we don't want to confuse her so soon. We've got a lot of talking to do and issues to discuss and there's things we want to change like we didn't have a social life outside of family life - we never did anything as a couple, we just stayed in every night. The violent behaviour has vaguely been discussed today but we'll approach that in more detail at some point. He's admitted that he knows what he did was wrong, the 2 main occasions he was drunk although it's no excuse but he thinks it may be best to avoid getting completely drunk in future. We've also approached the idea of going to relate and he's said that anger management is an option

[allgonebellyup]

ohh that all sounds so lovely, it is what i want to happen to me !

Although i dont know anything about your ex, was he violent then??

[trishpops]

relate won't take you if there is a history of violence. alcohol not an excuse but it can cause situations to escalate so if he's prepared to give up drinking that's def a good thing. i wish you both lots of luck and hope it works out xx

[madamez]

If he's prepared to stop or cut down on his drinking and seek some sort of help for his anger issues then you are in with a chance. But if he says anger management is an option, better hope he doesn;t mean 'I'll think about it after the next time I've beaten the crap out of you'.
I get the impression that he was violent several times: was there one particular issue that triggered violent episodes repeatedly in a short space of time? If not, then he was/is in the habit of using violence against a partner and feeling entitled to do so if his partner doesn't give him what he wants. Watch out for controlling behaviour, comments like 'Don't push it, don't make me angry' when you disagree with him...