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The "stop telling me what to do " thread...

11 replies

jamsambam · 04/03/2008 11:39

my bly mother keeps insisting my DS2 should have a hair cut. She whisked DS1 off last week for a haircut and he now looks like a monk..Bly mothers....arrgh

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captainmummy · 04/03/2008 14:12

Your mother cut your ds hair - without your permission????? I know what I would do! If it was my MIL I wuld stop her seeing him until she agrees that I am the mother and I make these decisions, but as it's your mum - well I think I would still have a few strong words with her!

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lostdad · 04/03/2008 14:29

Wish my ex was like you jamsambam...my ex does everything her mum tells her where our son is concerned. She once said that she was Mum number 1' and <span class="italic">her</span> mum was Mum number 2'.

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VictorianSqualor · 04/03/2008 14:36

I'd be exactly the same whether it were my mother or MiL, I really don't see why peopel think that that maternal grandmother has more rights
But anyway, I'd tell her I was mightily pissed off and if she ever did anything with my child again without my permission she would not be allowed unsupervised visits.

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gillybean2 · 04/03/2008 18:01

I'd tell my mother that while i very much appreciate her paying for the haircut she is not to get any of the children's hair cut without asking first and you agreeing. And that you think the haircut is appauling. That way she can be in no doubt of how you feel but it is the haircut you are critisising rather than her.

Tell her that in no circumstances will you allow her to take your other son for a hair cut while there's any possibility he will come back looking like his brother does. Then say you'll take the money for the haircut and take him yourself and then go and get it cut the way you like, even if you just get 2mm taken off. Get a receipt and give it to her with a thank you so she can't argue that it didn't get cut.

My son has longer hair than most of the other boys, and it goes curly when long too. Overall it is short though as he has the back shaved and then what they call a step cut and longer on top. I do not want him having a skin head and i think while he's young enough for a boyish hair cut that's slightly longer it is fine. He will have plenty of time when he's older to choose a skinhead if he so wishes.

And so many people stop to tell me how lovely his hair is, and i agree with them. So you have your son's hair any way you like until he starts telling you he'd like it differently.

Gilly

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jamsambam · 04/03/2008 23:56

my ds1 used to look like a surfer, long (shoulder blades long) blond hair, freckles and blue eyes. Ok, it was getting a bit unruly and he is prone to little visitors, but with a wash and a trim he looked gorgeous. now he looks like someone has pudding-bowled him.

Ds2 has long ( again, very long) thick dark blond hair that with a good brush and a good conditioner looks like the kids you see in Versace adverts...except he ususally has a cat hanging from under his arm or a handful of worms.

bl*y mothers......

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jamsambam · 05/03/2008 00:16

oh i forgot ot say, we live with the bl*yMother so she often sneeks off 'to get the shopping with DS...' and they come back looking like they have been dipped in starch and transported to 1957...

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captainmummy · 05/03/2008 10:41

It sounds like you have more probs than justthe haircut - I couldn't live with my mum. I know she'd do things like get their hair cut, smack them for answering back, feed them sticky sweets....
Can't you have words with her? They are your dc, not hers!

Oh and my ds1 (and ds3) has lovely curly, long, ridiculous hair, he won't let me cut it much. But then he's 15.

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LittleBella · 05/03/2008 10:48

But it's not just the haircut she's criticising, it is her mum. She's gone behind her back and arrogated to herself a decision she doesn't have the authority to make. It's an attack on her as a parent. That's why although it seems trivial, these things cause so much bad feeling.

Technically, it's assault. Tell her so.

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skyatnight · 05/03/2008 12:37

I don't know about anyone else but I sometimes feel that, as I am a single parent, people feel that they have more right to interfere than if I had a partner/husband?

People want to help because they know, or can imagine, that it is harder on your own, but, then, they feel that as they are helping, they can give you all kinds of unwanted advice and interference. People always think they know better. My sister and my step-mother are like this.

I've had to stick up for myself, and also go through a period where I refused all help, in order to make the point that I am in charge of my child and that, when it comes to dd, what I say goes. Things have improved since then but it was upsetting at the time.

It must be difficult to set and maintain the boundaries if you are living with your mother.

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lostdad · 05/03/2008 14:17

skyatnight - I agree with you totally. My ex has lived with her parents ever since she left me.

Even before she did, my ex almost always deferred to her mother concerning our son - which was a cause of conflict between her.

Of course I have even less input into his life now.

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jamsambam · 06/03/2008 15:13

I dont really LIVE with my mum, she has a house and i rent a flat from her above her house, so we are kind of living together..i think...

The main problem for me is that because i was a teen ager when i had the kids, my family still think im incapable, even though ive been to uni, worked and moved to the other side of the sodding country without loosing any kids or leaving anything behind......arrgghhh.....