aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a w****r!!! a rant sorry

[dylsmum1998]

sorry but i really need to let off steam.
my ds was meant to be staying at his dads and grandparents tonight (hid dad lives at home still) ds dad arranged this as he wanted to spend time with ds.
so i get a phone call last night from grandad saying dad hasnt been home all week can't get hold of him, so he might not be here to have dyl tomorrow. but very kindlyu went on to say they would love to have him still (i get on very well with nanny and grandad they are like second parents to me). i went round with ds and dd for tea and still ex wasnt there. i had warned ds his dad wasnt there when we got up this morning, but he was holding out that he would be by time we got there.
needless to say when we got there and he wasnt i know have one very angry ds. he's so upset and i know he still staying out with his nanny and grandad but that really doesn help him feeling rejected. and of course from experience i now know i am gonna have one hell of a fortnight while he calms down from this.
sorry its long but i am so annoyed and just need to let off steam
thanks for listening

[pedilia]

how crap for your Ds and you as you have to cope with the aftermath.

I know how you feel, my XP is an unreliable twat who really struggles to comprehend putting DS 1st!

[shelleylou]

Im really sorry for you and your ds, this must be so hard dor you both. Think its nice that your ex's dad let you know of the situation earlier but ds dad should have been there or told you himself and explained. What a prick!! excuse the language racks me off.

[dylsmum1998]

thanks girls.
shelleylou lol my language has been much word this evening whilst chatting to a friend in an effort to calm down.
we have decided that when ds punches him for being a prick we are all going to laugh and give him extra pocket money!!
ok not likely to happen but the image provides happy thoughts!!

[shelleylou]

that does give a very good image i bet it has f-in and blinding all the way. I do the same majorly slag of ds's dad (never infront of him) always with atrocious language has to be done to let of steam

[dylsmum1998]

it certainly helps doesn't it.
as you say would never do it in front of dc, and i've never let anyone else either. but it sure makes me feel better

[shelleylou]

It makes me feel on top of the world dont know about you. Ds is 15 months and knows when daddy upsets me neway and doesnt like it. I send people in another room if im there with ds. He might not understand completely at the moment but gets every1 in the habit from when hes bigger

[dingdong05]

oh, what a cock. Does he do this type of thing often?
Poor wee lad

[mummyfantastico]

Poor you and DS, what an arsehole

[piratecat]

what a tosser, what is thematter with these stupid so called dads.

You did brill in taking him round, and its great that he gets on so well with nanny and grandad, that he felt ok to stay.

I know its very difficult with the falout, from letdwons. Yet you are there being that rock for that kiddy.
Hard as it is, you are not in the wrong, and have done the best.

[dylsmum1998]

ds is 9 now, we have head years of this tbh
but i always said when he was smaller daddy working etc as i couldn't tel him the truth without my feelings showing and didnt want it to be twisted onto me as bad guy wwhen ds is older.
he has seen over the past few months how his dad is, its very upsetting for all involved. he is noticing how his dad is as a close friend of mine has been through a break up in the last year and her children go every other weekend with their dad, they go on holiday with him etc etc so now ds sees this and relates it to our situation.
he has swung from tearful to down right moody today bless him.
his nan and i had a chat on phone last night her and grandad are very upset with his dad, he has switched his phone off since fri so no-one can get through to him. poor nanny was in tears, she hates seeing what her son is doing to ds. we are all very close, they have been there for me no matter what since i was 16 they are like parents to me

[gillybean2]

Well if no-one can contact him and his phone is 'switched off' then perhaps something has happened to him. In all likely-hood nothing has, and you have every right to be upset for your son, and there probably isn't a very good reason, but you don't know that yet. He lives at home with his parents, yet they haven't seen him all week and his phone is not working...

Wait till you calm down and then write a letter to your ex saying how very disappointed his son was that he wasn't there as had be arranged. Ask him to let you know as early as he can in advance in future if he has to cancel or change arrangements.

Remind him of his obligations and duties to your son, and how it is emotionally harmful for you son to be put through this kind of disappointment and rejection.

Perhaps if would be worth speaking to your doctor or son's school to see if they have a councellor or someone he can speak to in confidence about his feelings on all this. It might help him deal with his feelings to be able to express himself rather than keeping it bottled up.

Keep up the relationship with his grandparents though, that's invaluable and will make him feel part of a wider family. Perhaps you could arrange with them to visit just them (or them come to you), or perhaps go on an outing together (bowling, park, zoo) so your son can enjoy seeing them without being disappointed that his dad isn't there. Get your son used to have a relationship with his grandparents separately from his dad.

Keep strong for your son
best of luck
Gilly

[dylsmum1998]

hi gilly,
thanks for the advice have been considering the counsellor there is one at his school.
this isnt the first time his dad has done this, it has been constant since he was born so i really do feel it is unlikely anything has happened to him.
ds has a very good relationship with his grandparents, as you say have always felt this is very important. he is used to seeing them seperately from his dad, its just this time his dad arranged to have him, usually its nan and grandad phone and ask for him to stay. think thats partly why he is taking it much worse this time

[littlewoman]

Think nan and granddad need to kick dad's backside up and down the high street for being such a self-fascinated arsehole