The highs and lows of alternating weekends with ex h's or partner's

[stripeytiger]

Not sure whether I should be posting this here or on the feeling depressed thread.

Have 2 dc, dd aged 6.5 and ds aged 4.9.

The weather here in the Westcountry was shite yesterday so we had a day at home, but today I took them out all day, we went on a ferry, to the beach and to a lovely little seaside village then home via relatives house who made them some tea and then home for short wind down and bed. So why after giving 150% does it never seem good enough.

During the day, the dc bickered and generally played me up. I ploughed on and tried to give them the best day I could.

DD played up when I put her to bed, so i kissed her, gave her a hug and closed the door, she screamed, cried and carried on for about an hour, the crying then went pitiful and she said her ear hurt. During this time I sat on the kitchen floor and wept.....I found some paracetamol and contemplated the cowards way out.....wept a bit more, then finally when she stopped creating went and soothed her and told her how much I love her.

Please could someone tell me it does get a bit easier......I adore my children but I just find sometimes there is no light at the end of the tunnel

[singledadofthree]

hey stripey - i remember those days well. ive raised 3 of them and started out when they were very young. it did get better - and pretty quick really, they just learned to appreciate how much i was doing for them. they still had their paddys of course but knew where home was, they do get loads better.

[brightwell]

Big hugs, you poor thing.You sound so low. It is hard and it does get easier. I know exactly what you mean about giving 150% and it never being good enough. It doesn't hurt them to do "nothing", time together as a family unit is the most important thing you can do IMO.

[MeMySonAndI]

I was thinking something along the lines today. I miss DS miserably when he is with his father, but when he is with me the full weekend no matter what we do he always wants/needs more and becomes stroppy if he doesn't get it (prerogative of being 5 yrs old perhaps?)

Please don't feel offended for what I'm going to say, as I'm in the same boat as you and finding it very difficult at some points too. A couple of months ago I had DS for 2 weeks long, I decided to be very very consistent and not to let pass any bad behaviour from him, the first 2 days were hell but afterwards everything was fantastic, I couldn't stop repeating how lovely he was behaving to exH when he took him with him for the next weekend.

I'm wondering if I need to do that again, as the rules have got so relaxed during the school holidays, I'm working more hours, have less time to have the house chores under control and sometimes I'm really at my wits' end even before he stays playing up.

I really need him to go to bed when he has to, not to play up in stores (there's so little time) and not to contest every order I give. For the sake of the 2 of us, may start again tomorrow when he is back.

Good luck and a big hug.

[nannynick]

Children need consistency and boundaries. As MeMySonAndI says, being consistent and firm will pay off in the end... first few days can be hell though. I have found that the 1-2-3 Magic method works quite well, worth trying if you haven't before.

Don't worry about there being different rules / behaviour expectations when the children are with you, rather than with your ex. Children adapt to having several different rule sets - eg. mums home, school, dads home, beavers/rainbows

On any given day, all you can do is give them your best. To your children, spending time with you, is worth it's weight in gold.

[ineedapoo]

I agree it does work ds 3 says no don't count and just stops now

[stripeytiger]

Thanks for the replies. Sometimes it just helps to know your not alone.

Singledadofthree, I take my hat off to you, and thanks for the words of encouragement.

I won't ever take the tablets, as I adore my children too much, it's just they do sap every bit of energy out of you when you're on your own and I wonder if anyone has ever kept a record of how many times 2 small children can say "mummy" in one day.

Off to bed now as feel drained, guilty and still a bit said. But tomorrow is another day.

Thanks again for the support.

[stripeytiger]

Sorry, that should have read sad not said.

[nannynick]

Tomorrow is a new day, start afresh.