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Introducing DS (3) to absent father.

4 replies

SerBronn · 29/10/2016 11:35

Ds is 3 and hasn't seen or had any contact with his father since he was 3 months old.
A few days ago I got a message from his dad asking if he could see him, I don't like idea but I've agreed. He lives over 100 miles from us so I suggested using facetime before they meet in person.
Any advice on how to go about it? Should I tell DS its his dad? Should I make sure they facetime regularly before I allow them to meet?
I'm so concerned about this, I'm sure the interest will fizzle out after a while but I know I need to give it a chance for DS, I really don't know what to do or how to go about all this.
TIA

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Haffdonga · 29/10/2016 11:50

Hmm - 3 year olds and facetime don't really go very well. it might be a bit awkward if your ds hasn't perfected the art of social small talk with strangers (who has?).

What about meeting in a neutral space where your ds doesn't need to focus on this person too directly (such as a soft play)?

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SerBronn · 30/10/2016 11:52

Yeah, I think you're right actually, wouldn't really work at all. Soft play would be a much better idea.

But as it turns out I don't think a meeting will be happening, it's been a few days and DS's father seems to be losing interest already.

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Starlight2345 · 30/10/2016 16:25

Yes I agree ..Soft play..Facetime in a way is easy ( though I don't know many 3 years olds good at Facetime) He will have to make an effort if he wants to get to know his Ds..

Have you asked why now? I do think it is important to give it a go but also to protect DC from hurt so if he isn't commited why open up a can of worms

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SerBronn · 30/10/2016 18:27

I haven't asked but I'm guessing it's because his girlfriend recently ended their relationship and he's moved away from his other young child and needs something to keep him occupied. Or he wanted me to say that he couldn't see DS so he had a sob story (with texts as proof) to try and make people feel sorry for him s. I think the latter is the most likely.
This is the only chance he's getting, if he lets DS down this time he won't be seeing him until DS is old enough to make his own decisions.