Feel so stressed(9 Posts)
So my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me and I feel absolutely heartbroken I just want us to make things work so badly.
I have a 16month old and am 7 weeks + 2 days pregnant.
I went for a scan because I bled a little and they said it was subchorionic haematoma , they said there is some blood around the sac so I will bleed a bit more but it's nothing to worry about (so obvs I'm worrying about that).
He didn't come to the scan, he didn't even message asking how it went.
I messaged him today asking if we can make things work and be together but he doesn't want to know.
I don't know if I could cope I'm so scared of doing it all on my own and i just feel so stressed and heartbroken and I could never ever cope with him being with someone else
I really need some advice or some positivity to cheer me up because I've just been in tears
(I know people will think just get on with it and forget about him, but it seriously isn't that easy)
You will cope because you have to. It's awful that you are going through this, but you will be woman enough to deal with it.
Sounds like your boyfriend was not good enough for you, and not good enough to be a hands-on dad. I'm so sorry, this hurts, I know it does.
You are a mother, and you understand that you need to take care of your children when their father can't or won't be what they need. It's not right that you should have to be dealing with this, but I know you can deal with it, so many of us do.
Taking care of your children involves taking good care of yourself. .. What kind of real life support do you have? You will need family and friends, and if they're not in place then you need to get in touch with maybe community folk, churches and children's centres etc so that you have some back up.
Am wishing you all the best. I have no idea about the medical problems with your new baby, but listen to the people that do know (and consult your health visitor - about everything if she is a nice one).
Take care of yourself.
I know that you are crying, and I wish I could hold your hand somehow. I think I am probably a lot older than you (I'm 43) and I have seen a lot of pain in my life, some of it fairly recently. I know that pain passes, that what doesn't break us makes us stronger - and I also know that's the last thing you will be able to understand right now, while the pain is so raw and so fresh.
Where is your 16 month right now? Maybe a positive and looking-forward kind of cuddle would help?
I would try and step back from messaging him. I think its all become too much for him. The responsibility of a family.Maybe he's still immature. Give him some space and don't call his family to talk sense into him. If he loves you and you love him give him a chance to get his head right.
Thank you so much for replying Hun it means a lot. I'm only 20. He is 30. He was in prison when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter and he came out when she was 7 months old so I did it all on my own anyway as well as supporting him. I've been such a loyal and faithful girlfriend and done everything for him. I don't talk to his family as they are heavy drinkers and take drugs so I don't allow them to see my daughter. They have also really disrespected me the whole time we have been together. All our arguments are over them as well as him recently not showing me affection and me feeling like he no longer loves me. I'm just so scared of doing it on my own with 2 bubbas x
I seriously think you need to run away (like I said, I am a lot older than you). I think you've done your best make this work, but it is not ever going to be good, and your children deserve better than this dysfunctional family.
Please take all the support you can get in real life. I would love to help, but probably live a hundred miles away (pm me to check, if I'm within a decent distance then I will be there for you).
Your dilemma is all too familiar. .. and so horribly unique to your own family. I do so hope your boyfriend steps up and decides to be the husband and father he needs to be - but if he can't do that, we are here xx
(Given what you have said, I think he is too damaged himself to be a good father to your children, and I think you need to be making good plans for dealing with this really sad situation yourself. )
I do realise that telling you to run away might not be what you want to hear right now. When I asked mumsnet what I should do about my abusive husband (who had just hit me for the first time in front of the children), I didn't need to hear all the "advice" I was given. I learned a lot, but if I had taken all the advice I was given, I would not be as safe as I am at the moment.
I am wishing so much luck to you. Take a good look at what is keeping your and your children safe.
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