ffs i really have the worst choice in men don't i

(5 Posts)
cheekymonkeythe5th Sun 21-Feb-16 14:32:34

i have a DD, now 2. her DF has never met her, though i've openly encouraged meeting, sent updates, done all sorts. he left when i was a few weeks pregnant and that was that. he has 3 older children from a former marriage (his ex was already re-married when we met but he's close to them, sees them on a regular basis).

now, my friends bless them did try to warn me that he was a douchebag (their word not mine) back when i was seeing him.. but did i listen, no.

now if the information i've just received is correct (which looks quite likely but not 100%) he actually has another child. one that must have been born around a year after DD, which means that it must have been conceived about 3 months after DD was born.

my mind is reeling, i'm very WTF angry at the moment. if it's true, all the time that he has been ignoring DD entirely, he's been cosy with his older children AND with his new GF/baby. but DD hasn't had a look in. i've even had to chase for maintenance. i feel angry for DD. And sad. Just.. I give up.

I really, really do have the worst taste in men don't I.

I don't even know how to start explaining this to DD when she is a bit older and starts asking questions sad.

RudeElf Sun 21-Feb-16 14:35:15

Well unless you've done this several times then its just this one man whose been a shit. It doesnt indicate bad taste in men. Just this one guy was a bad bet.

Anyway, you seem hung up on him. He hasnt been in your life for what must be around 4 years now. You need to let it go. You are tormenting yourself over it.

cheekymonkeythe5th Sun 21-Feb-16 14:57:29

I'm not tormenting myself. I rarely think of him and don't think much of him at all (even less if the latest news is true). I'm just very shock and sad/angry for DD and the way he's treating her compared to his other children.

ItsJustaUsername Sun 21-Feb-16 15:10:43

No advice but I get where your coming from. Dreading the day ds realises his absent dad is a dick who couldn't care less about him. No other siblings though, as far as I'm aware of anyway.
Ds asks about his dad maybe twice a year or so and I just answer any questions as factually as I can.
Your dd has one parent who loves her though and that is all that truly matters.

cheekymonkeythe5th Sun 21-Feb-16 16:25:56

Thanks Just. I"m trying to figure out what it is that's infuriating me. Maybe that as a dickhead man he 'can' fully participate in creating children, then pick and choose which ones he bestows his attention on. It looks as though he's had 2 with me and then the next GF, a year apart, and they are receiving completely different treatment.

I don't want to project here (it's difficult) but I grew up with a dysfunctional family and this kind of stuff can really affect who you are as a person. I feel out of my depth in knowing how to protect DD. Yes I love her to bits, but will that be enough?

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