Need to rehome a cat - 7 yo will be devastated

[Mamapotter2008]

9 months ago we trundle along to a local rescue to choose a cat. We leave with 2 cats - apparently a bonded pair. I'm less happy about the number of cats than my husband and daughter are.

The cats are most definitely not bonded. They hiss at and chase eachother. They fight. One lives upstairs, the other downstairs. I've tried all the things you should to have them getting on better. They aren't interested. I wanted to rehome one, but my husband likes the one I'd rehome.

One of them goes outside and has access to that whenever she likes. We hardly see her, and she fights with all the local cats. She's cost me a fortune in vets bills. This is the one I'd rehome.

7 weeks ago my husband left, and he is being a right knobweasle over finances. That's for another thread. I'm on a much much lower budget than before, and it's likely that at some point soon I will need to move into much smaller accommodation which will make it harder to keep separate areas for the cats.

I think I'll need to rehome one of them when I move, but now I'm under this financial pressure, I know it would be much better for me to make this decision now because it will at last halve the cost (the one I'm thinking of rehoming cost me nearly £600 in vets bills since I got her - that's after insurance picked up their tab). Especially given I'm under a lot of stress and with the cold weather they are often both in, chasing eachother, hissing, growling, fighting and running up the curtains.

Problem is, my 7 year old will be devastated, and she's already got enough to deal with seeing as her father is being a dick head. I just don't know if there's ever a good time to do this - when we move won't be much better either.

Short of turning up to my next mediation session with my ex and bringing the cat with me for him to take some responsibility for it, what should I do?

[eyebrowse]

I would do exactly that and then your dd can still see the cat when she is with her dad. IF dad can't look after it its then his problem rather than your problem

[Mamapotter2008]

That was a joke - he lives 200 miles away in a city centre apartment. Our daughter doesn't even see him at the apartment.

[stumblymonkey]

Sounds like you just need to bite the bullet and re-home. Talk to your DD first about how sad the cat is because it is being picked on by the other cats in the neighbourhood and that it also doesn't get to relax in its own home because it doesn't get on with the other cat. Tell them that it will be so much happier in a house on its own and that the one you keep would be happier too.

Yes, she'll be upset but it will be short term and you're doing it for good reasons.

Normally I'm very anti-rehoming (a cat is for life and all that) but it really does seem to be the best thing not just for you but for the cat in question too as it must be very stressed by all the fighting/hissing/etc.

[Mamapotter2008]

They both are. The other one overgrooms and walks around the edges of the room when she's about.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I think this is something you should bring up at mediation, I know it seems small in comparison to other issues, but I would not under estimate the effect it could have on your DD.
Let's look through a 7 year olds eyes, Daddy has left her and how ever much we reassure our children that it is not their fault they wonder. She loves the cat and sounds attached and now it might go, the effect of this should be under estimated. My ExH left when DD was 8 years old, a few months later our elderly cat had to be put down as she had advanced renal failure. I found my DD the next day sobbing into her bed that everything she lived was leaving her.
I don't know the perfect solution, but I think your Ex needs to be part of creating it.

[Mamapotter2008]

The best I can do is see whether his parents, who host his contact with our daughter, would be happy to take the cat. It's hard enough to get him to take responsibility for our daughter, let alone a cat.

[charlybear7]

I'm considering getting a cat and would offer to take yours in but you're not selling him/her very well!!

Grandparents sound the best bet!x

[Mamapotter2008]

I think that on her own, she'd be a lovely low maintenance cat. The fights with other cats are likely misdirected aggression because she's not happy sharing a home with another cat.

[charlybear7]

Where are you? If you can say on here?x

[Mamapotter2008]

Sent you a PM lovely x

[charlybear7]

Sorry we're not nearer!😒

[Mamapotter2008]

Decision been made. Rescue is taking her back. I feel like shit because my daughter is devastated. She is fond of the one we are keeping, but the one that's going is her favourite. It's not fair on the poor cat to do otherwise, because she's fighting so much with not just our other cat, but neighbourhood cats too. Especially now I won't always be able to afford the vets bills - £600 since we got her, all fighting related and this is after insurance has paid out. 😓