The other woman and DD

[Elliesyummymummy]

Hi mummy's

I really need some advice and support on how to deal with dd's dad introducing her to his new partner and whether I'm being unreasonable.

DD was only 2 in July and although this (insert word here) has apparently been in and out of his life the past year....Yes we where together :( I have finally kicked him out, 10 days ago and he's straight back seeing her, she has already met his older two from a previous relationship but they are much older and he's happy for them to play happy families and I wonder if any of you have been in the situation where you really don't want your child around this other person (I've been assured her house is dirty and she has no control over her kids aged 5 and 7). How long is reasonable for me to stand my ground, am I even being reasonable or am I being bitter. He also lives in a bedsit (which is dirty and no way suitable for DD) so he can't have her over night anyway.

How did you deal with this, what's a reasonable amount of time for them to 'prove' they are in a real relationship am I right to say I want to meet her first? I'm even thinking of just turning up at her house in the near future to actually see for myself what state the house is (I'm thinking maybe this is me loosing the plot!!), if it's arranged then obviously they will clean right before as my ex knows if it's dirty (and not just messy) I will not let her set foot in the door.....
I'm fighting with so many feelings and emotions I really don't know whats right or wrong, sane or crazy thinking :(

Thanks in advance xx

[spanisharmada]

It's heartbreaking I know, but you're doing the right thing in trying to discern what are feelings of hurt over the way he has treated you, and what are real concerns over DD's safety.
Do not turn up at her house that's like throwing a bomb into the situation.
How has he always been as a father? If he can care for her, bring her back in one piece, you need to steel yourself to the fact that you have no control over who she see's when she's with him, unless they pose an actual threat to her safety. Which being a bit slothernly doesn't.
Try and distance yourself from it emotionally as much as poss so you can be your DD's support.
Good luck, it does get better.

[Elliesyummymummy]

Thank you x
He makes a better part time father than when he was here....they get to do the fun stuff without all the responsibility dont they!
I don't know if I fell bitter towards her (she's actually done me a favour as the man has made my life hell for 6 years and I now feel I can break free) or jealous that DD might really like her as she's very confident and settles with anyone easily and as above....they will get to do all the fun exciting stuff, I'm trying to think of DD but it's hard to put my feelings aside atm.

I have decided though that I'm standing my ground for the next 4 weeks so I get a better gauge on their relationship (I don't want DD caught up in that), plus I wouldn't dream of introducting her to another man for a long time if that situation arose, then I am going to arrange to meet her, which he will not like but I think I'm entitled to if she is going to be part of DD's life....Hopefully by then any urge to punch her in the face will of subsided ;)