Forcing DD age 3 to go with her dad

[Cluesue]

Hi,my Dd2 has always put up a fight about going to her dads,it has broken
my heart every time I've had to send her off crying and screaming trying to
cling to me.

I've come to the end of the line so a few weeks ago I told ex I wasn't doing it
anymore,she either goes willingly or she doesn't go.

I said if she didn't go he could come to see her whenever he wanted,phone
her,even come on days out.

He's having none of it,hasn't seen her in just over two weeks,she has asked
to phone him twice,so we have and I saw him today(she didn't notice him) I
took her over to see him,she said a few words then told him to "go away".
He said"no.i was here,you came over to me" so we carried on.

I understand how upsetting it must be for my ex when she doesn't want to
go with him and especially being told to "go away" but am I wrong to be
thinking,he's the adult and should be giving her the time to come around but
come to see her,spend time with her,phone her etc so he's a constant in her
life,not just stop seeing her just because she's not being made to go with him.

[Noobylola]

You are right about your ex. He should act like an adult and understand changes in environment can be very traumatic for a child. It's not necessarily that your LO doesn't like him, it's just being away from you as you are with her most of the time. Don't force her to go and tell him he can like it or lump it.

[Bellemere]

Er, no, refusing contact is a bad idea and likely to make the situation worse. How will she learn that going with daddy is okay if she isn't doing it anymore? This kind of reaction is incredibly common in young children. Google "Little Mary The Switcher" - that can help parents understand.

Didn't you tell your daughter off for telling her father to go away?

[VikingVolva]

I think you do need to insist that she goes with him. Because she won't 'come round to the idea' of seeing him is she isn't seeing him.

It's like a child who cries at school drop off every morning; you persist, even when heartbreaking, because it is in the child's interests. It is in your child's interests to have a relationship with both parents.

And your ex is 100% right to reject contact the strings you appear to be suggesting.

You don't mention your DD1 - so would I be right in assuming she has a different father and no problems with her contact arrangements?

[BlackeyedSusan]

I don't think you should force her to go. I think you should work bloody hard at building up the relationship by gradual introduction of contact... like days out together, or taking her to the park and you popping off to the loo while she stays with daddy, gradually building up contact so she is happy. three is really little. Talk to your ex and try and get him to realise you want contact but it needs to be worked at at her pace. little and often and building up with you withdrawing more and more.

[Bellemere]

I'm curious at that idea Black... Is that also how children are introduced to nurseries or childminders etc? I've only ever seen where the child has maybe one or two taster days before attending normally. If a child can cope with that, why not with her own father?