Me and DD's Dad separated about 2 weeks ago... I went down to the countryside to see my family for a week and it was just me and DD and we had a lovely time, was just so nice to be out of that toxic atmosphere that it's been in our home for the last couple months..DD was so much less clingy, less tantrums, seemed calmer and happier. I was much less stressed and happier. We got into a nice rhythm and had such a lovely time together, I loved it. I was glad of a bit of break when we got back to the city and DD's Dad came the next morning to see DD and he looked after her in the morning so I had a lie-in and chilled a bit which was great. But now we are back living in his house...he is living at his Mum's and coming in the mornings some times and some times after work to give her dinner & bath etc. It's all a bit random and disjointed. Sometimes he gives me a hug when he says goodbye, sometimes he still calls me baby when asking me to pass him something or whatever. I can feel myself getting pulled back in just because he's suddenly being so nice and respectful. I can't help but feel bitter/angry that he wouldn't be like that before, in order to save us. He seems to have accepted us breaking up really easily and he only shows that he is sad not to have seen DD for a week. I can just feel my heartstrings going out to him & missing him even though I know he has been a bastard and treated me badly.
Anyway...I have arranged (pretty much confirmed) that I'm going to rent a flat 10 mins down the road from his house where me and DD are living now, so that he can see her all the time as he wants to...he's a very hands on Dad and wants to be very present for her. But I'm wondering what the right arrangement is...she's still breastfeeding so he can't really put her to bed at his house as she breastfeeds before bed and in morning. She always wants me to put her to bed. I don't really want him to have her overnight as I don't trust yet I think she's still too little, she is only 1. And also I don't want particularly to see him every day ! I think it's too much and too hard for me to heal and move on if I still see him as much as I did when we were together, except the difference is he's just not here in the evenings with me or going to bed with me. What's the right balance and what is fair ? Also should we still do stuff as a family ie. go to out mutual friend's kids birthday parties/lunches or hang out with his family... I don't know. How do I move on from him when I see him all the time ? He still does his washing here and having to take his socks and t-shirts and stuff off the line just makes me cry and makes me really feel the loss of the presence of a man in my life, and obviously him in particular. I know I need to have my own space and move out of his house to get some closure, distance...autonomy but the flat isn't ready until earliest 30th Sept !! This is such a weird limbo time...
Any advice appreciated thank you.
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Newly single Mum...not sure how to do this re: DD seeing her Dad/moving on & healing
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eepie · 31/07/2015 11:10
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