I feel that dd really takes me for granted and I've been mean to her because of it

[moveon]

dd is always encouraged to be honest with me and i usually can take it - i'd rather she felt she could tell me everything.

it was her birthday and she was with me, opened her presents and then (pretty much at the time of her birth, she's 8) announced now that she wanted to go to her dad's and didnt want to spend the rest of the afternoon with me. I was really upset. Her dad was out (actually said 'you cannot bring her back before 3pm').

tonight she has returned home. she kept going on about dad and how she wants photos of dad by her bed which i have in the past accommodated. but i got quite upset and took one of the photos of the 3 of us on her 1st birthday and binned it. she obviously got upset. i am a complete bitch, and feel as if all that trust and relationship that i have with dd has been tarnished by my own pettiness and emotions.

i did print off another photo for her and apologised. she is asleep now.

i am such a horrible person sometimes.

usually i can keep it all in, in fact it's quite amicable with xp and i. but i feel as if i do everything for her, and she takes me for granted.
she takes it for granted that i will be there to sort out her uniform, play dates, school crap, birthday parties, activities, medical appointments...
she's not spoilt or unkind, just takes it for granted that i will always be there to sort everything out but doesn't want to celebrate the good times with me.

not really sure where i am going with this post and i guess just wanted to share my pettiness, upset. but i feel shit about the way that i was so horrid to her, yet at the same time i am so fed up and upset with her taking me for granted. surely i am not the only person that feels as if they are taken for granted. i really am not usually this petty, but feel so so awful.

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

She's not taking you for granted as that is a mother's role
She can't make her own medical appointments FFS
You need more adult company to get a better perspective on your situation .

[gamerchick]

Yeah I agree man.

She's 8, just a bairn and yes you're entitled to feel a pang but you have to reign it in. You can't depend on her for your emotional well being... you don't want to be one of 'those' mothers of adult children who they over rely on .

Do you get adult time with people?

[moveon]

you're completely right and am usually more in control with clearer perspective.

it also rattled me that when xp didnt even bother to send her to school with her book bag today. so when it was time to read she wanted to read her school book but there was no school book.

now i am a little calmer i know it is my job as a parent to sort everythng. my freak out earlier was - well he (xp) doesn't do anythng and you want photos and have him on a pedestal. guess it's the disney dad thing.

[tumbletumble]

I'm not a LP, but my DD age 7 is completely obsessed with her Daddy. Eg when she went to the hospital for an operation we asked who she wanted to take her and stay with her, she chose him. It does bother me a bit but I keep telling myself it's a phase. I was a Daddy's girl myself when I was little, but now I'm very close to my mum. Hang in there OP!

[girliefriend]

She isn't taking you for granted, you are meant to do all those things - you are a mum!!

You sound jealous and insecure of your dds love for you, kids will always play one off against the other!! My dd does't see her dad but will say things like 'I want to stay at nannys house' I don't take it personally.

You could just try saying to her, 'you really love your daddy don't you' when she says something about him and leave it at that.

[TheCowThatLaughs]

She doesn't need a picture of you by the bed because you are always there and she can see you
Just humour her, don't make a big deal, and don't let her know it gas upset you

[Stubbed]

Believe me when something happens in later life and she wants to come home - it's your house that she will consider home. My parents split up but I always knew I came first as far as my mother was concerned, unconditionally.

[moveon]

It isn't usually and issue and i am pretty chilled. dd talks about dad all the time, what they are up to, new gf, not being allowed to talk about me or mention me (). doesnt phase me, even the bit about not being allowed to talk about me or mention my name (although i do think it's a shite thing to make a child do).

My mum was a complete nightmare emotionally when i was growing up and v concious of it. So this has shocked me.

I think it was because it was her birthday.

gamerchick i have quite a few non parent friends that I see quite a lot, as well as parent friends that we see as families and as normal friends. and i work so have lots of adult interaction. quite close to my sis who was a LP for 16 years, so gets it too.

and cheers tumbletumble for you words

[ivykaty44]

You are a mum and dad when your a lone patent so it is hard op as you end up doing twice as much but with no extra praise. So yes we have to be mum but being two parents at once is hard and then to watch the Disney dad get the pedastal treatment is tuff

Its also hard to get more adult company when you bring up DC alone, not sure where you get the adult company from - any suggestions welcome?

[Goneintohibernation]

OP don't give yourself such a hard time. I can't imagine there are many parents who have not lost the plot a bit with their DC's at one time or another. It sounds like it was swiftly sorted, you have apologised, and that should be the end of it. It won't hurt your DD to have it pointed out to her that you have feelings too.

I do think though, while it is nice to be appreciated sometimes, it is natural and normal for children to take their parents for granted. All children should grow up safe in the knowledge that Mum and Dad have it all under control.

[moveon]

Thanks all for your words. I've always been playing the long game, just had a massive wobble.

Her birth was a bit shite, so it's always been a bit of an emotional time for me.

[moveon]

• long game
  
  When she is a grown up and knows she can turn to me for help

[moveon]

ivykaty44 I have a few long standing friends (old friends) that don't have children for varying reasons. I try to catch up with them when dd is at her dads. It's taken a while to reconnect and as with everything else, need to make the effort.
Have also got quite a few mums and parents from school (and pre-school and baby groups) that I bonded with. Again, need to really make the effort. I do pta stuff as well at school, which has helped to cement relationships.

[Sortmylifeout]

She's not going to be grateful aged 8. She doesn't know any different. She accepts her mum does those things, she doesn't think of how much work goes into it. I think you are expecting her to be far more emotionally mature than she could possibly be at her age.

[Sortmylifeout]

Hey that's not to say I haven't lost it from time to time when I'm at the end of my tether btw (lone parent here too, father a waste of space) so forgive yourself and move on.

[girliefriend]

Oh I know that feeling moveon I always feel pretty shit around dds bday as it brings back horrible memories, it sounds awful for the day dd was born was one of the worst of my life (4 day labour, emcs following various other unsuccessful interventions and then dd was not breathing well so whisked off to scbu)

I am so grateful to have dd and love her so much, it pains me that her birth was just hideous.

Don't beat yourself, we are all only human. I had a complete meltdown once when dd (also 8yo) came in and said she wished she was an orphan I burst into tears and told her to go and find a better mother if I was so awful

Like pp said I don't think it hurts them to realise we are only human and have feelings as well

[moveon]

tomorrow is a new day

back to me tomorrow

[gamerchick]

I do understand, i get dumped on Christmas day.

It is a pang but it passes... They wouldn't go and live there if they were given the choice.

Tomorrow is a new day.. its nice they feel that secure even if it smarts a bit.