DD doesn't want to go on holiday with her Dad. I don't have to make her do I?

[DevonFolk]

She's four. He lives 200 miles away and so rarely sees her or has her overnight. When he did live nearby he had her pretty much EOW but only once for 2 nights. Over half term she stayed at his for 3 nights.

He's been talking about booking a holiday in France and he told her about it over half term. Not sure she understood how long it would be for though. He sent a text earlier saying he would be booking the holiday next week but he's worried that she won't want to be away from me for that long. He's right :( I've just talked to her about it and her face said it all. The idea of being away from home for 7 sleeps really worried her. I'm sure when he first mentioned it to me it wasn't going to be a full week but it's typical of him for things like that to change.

I'm dreading telling him, partly because I know he'll be hurt and disappointed and partly because he'll start accusing me of trying to turn her against him (I have a very strict policy of fully supporting their relationship with no bad-mouthing). There's no court order, so presumably I don't have to make her go. Tbh I don't want to be without her for a whole week, it's too long for both of us (although I do realise that this isn't about me!)

WWYD?

[balia]

How old is she? Could you try getting her ready for it with some extended contact over Easter?

[LineRunner]

She is four.

[ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday]

Don't be worried about telling him. He's preempted it by the text.

Just be upfront and say she doesn't want to be away from home for the length of time..

[Branleuse]

its only a week. I think you need to big it up to her

[balia]

How do you think he would react if you suggested he go for a 5 day break instead? (Assuming that is possible with the kind of holiday etc)

[DevonFolk]

She's 4 balia. She's staying with him for three nights over Easter weekend but he won't take any time off work so it can't be any longer. I think I'm going to have to ring him and find out more about the holiday itself. I don't know enough to big it up for her.

I know it would be lovely for them both, but I know how it feels to be reluctant about something and have someone trying to encourage and push me to do it. It makes me want to do it less!

[BlackeyedSusan]

suggest he takes her for a long weekend this time and work up towards a longer holiday as she is a bit worried.

[DevonFolk]

I've spoken to him to find out a bit more. He and his GF will go on the holiday regardless of whether DD will go too, which is great because they're renting a gite in France so numbers won't make a difference. At least it means some breathing space and not having to give a definite answer 5 months before the actual holiday. He's going to email me a link to the place they'll be staying so I can show her and try to enthuse her a little. Between now and then she'll have 3 nights with him over Easter and 4 when she breaks up for the summer holidays. We've discussed the option of making that 5 if we feel she could do with a practise in the run-up to the holiday.

I know she'll be fine but there's a part of me that hates the idea that come day 4 of the holiday she'll start asking when she's coming home and she'll be in a different country so I won't be able to just go and scoop her up!

[cestlavielife]

It's France
If needs be you could get there in half a day.

She will be with her dad. She will be fine if she is fine staying over now.

[cestlavielife]

And in day four if she asks he will tell her "in three sleeps time "
Get her used to conting days and calendars so she has an idea .
Maybe she is worried about you missing her ? Reassure her you will be fine

[cestlavielife]

Counting days .

[DevonFolk]

Thank you. She always asks me what I'll be doing when she's not with me and I always take that as a sign of insecurity. I try to make it sound really boring (walking the dog, cleaning) but she just sees it as me being at home and she says she'd like to be at home with me too. She's always been a total limpet and needy of me. It's got worse since she started school. I know she'll be fine. It's just convincing her of that in advance!

[balia]

It's a big step for you both, I think. It's always hard to know what to tell them you'll be doing - if you make it sound too boring they feel sorry for you, could you try saying that you will be doing something you really like, but that she doesn't?

[HeadDoctor]

I agree with balia. Maybe she's worried you will be lonely or bored. How is she when she is with her dad? You say you know she will be fine. It sounds like she just needs a large dose of reassurance. The first time for these things is always tricky, for you as much as her. Chances are she'll have a great time and will come home excited to see you :)