What is safe contact?

[sus14]

I'd be really grateful for anyone's experiences/advice

Today I have got a non mol order against my ex, for an assault, in front of dc.

He hasn't seen dc since the attack, ten days ago.

From what I have researched I understand that contact would be ordered by a court, if i were to withheld, and I've been in enough courts with women crying their eyes out after being forced to give contact to know this in reality as well.

I don't feel that he is a risk, but then my judgement isn't right, because i did;t see him as a risk, and he has attacked me in the past (years ago), and then the attack the other day was much worse. But there has never been an violence towards dc, although he can be grumpy and bad-tempered at times.

I don't like the idea of contact centres. We have noone else who could be third party.

I was thinking of suggesting his contact was a meal, or somewhere public- where i dropped off to and from. And to make the contact just a few hours so hopefully he can contain his temper.

But i'm terrified of all the horror stories you hear? Esp now he definititvely can;t project his insecurity or whatever it is that makes men abuse onto me.

Waiting for social services to give me their verdict so have a few days breathing space, and i also feel that to be difficult now, when I know the outcome will be contact, may make the situation even more risky.

Can;t stop worrying - please help

[IMurderedStampyLongnose]

Hi,sorry to hear what you've been through.I've not got much experience on this,but a close relative had a non mol against her ex and was he later granted contact with DC,eventually unsupervised.my relative did everything in her power to appear to be seen reasonable in court,and it has done her no good whatsoever.He consistently breaks the court order and there are no consequences for him.So if I were you,I would resist contact as long as possible,then go to contact centre(her DC liked the centre!)Your ex does sound dangerous and I would share your concerns about letting him have them unsupervised.Good luck

[Starlightbright1]

My Ex was violent in front of child.

I arranged contact through contact centre without a court order. After he refused to attend ( didn't like the stigma) We moved contact to once a fortnight at soft play.

Eventaully that was too much effort for him.

You know your Ex. It is going to depend on age of child, I didn't trust my Ex with DS and got a relative to agree to supervise but it did become clear they were unable to prioritise my DS over his Dad.