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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Birth certificate dilemma

28 replies

YellowTangerine · 19/01/2015 23:35

I have just had a beautiful baby daughter. Her father is basically useless and only bothers when it suits him. I have no issue with him having access to her but I am worried about something.
If he is on her birth certificate and something happens to me will he get full custody of our daughter?
I wouldn't want this to happen because I don't think he is responsible enough to look after her full time. Thanks

OP posts:

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fattymcfatfat · 19/01/2015 23:42

Not necessarily. ..you can put in place plans for a member of your family to have her but he would have to agree. thats as far as im aware anyway....it could be worth looking into as if he is on birth certificate he has automatic responsibility for her. I know when I have my little brother for a couple of weeks that my mum is effectively handing parental responsibility to me and if anything was to happen I could sign forms for operation etc but my dad could sue as he also has responsibility so its a very grey area. My dcs dad is on dc1 but not dc2 and wont be on dc3....lots of probs... which I wont go into but if you go onto the thread 2 kids pregnant and alone you will get the basic jist of things lol. As I said grey area so do your research!

America1 · 20/01/2015 06:26

are you married to him?

CaptainJamesTKirk · 20/01/2015 06:28

You can set out your wishes in a will, that you would prefer your child to go elsewhere, but ultimately they will look to the child's father first and assuming he was capable and suitable and they had no concerns about him, then I believe they will ultimately place the child in his care.

MinceSpy · 20/01/2015 06:37

You need to be realistic, you chose to have a child with this man. He's the baby's father has a right to access and an obligation to financeally support the child. You can nominate a guardian but he might want to be the one to bring up the child.

justwannasleeeeeep · 20/01/2015 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackieharris · 20/01/2015 06:41

If in doubt, leave him out.

He will have rights if he's on the bc.

If you don't want him to have these rights, and it sounds like he doesn't deserve them then don't let him co-register.

If he changes later you can always add him. If he's on it he can never be taken off. It's the most permanent decision of your life.

Nolim · 20/01/2015 06:49

I an mo solicitor but it foes sound you could use one to exlore your options.

YellowTangerine · 20/01/2015 08:54

Thank you everyone. Yes I did have a child with him but unfortunately love is blind and I made excuses for his poor behaviour when I was with him. I won't be doing this when it comes to the well being of my daughter.

OP posts:

Palooza · 20/01/2015 09:43

Don't put him on the BC. He can be added later but never taken off iyswim. Being on the BC gives him parental responsibility and opens up a whole world of potential issues if he is useless/horrible/etc.

HeadDoctor · 20/01/2015 11:14

Will he want to be on it? Because he can take you to court to force you to add him. He will then have parental responsibilities and rights to carry out those responsibilities. He doesn't ever have a right to access - your child has the right to a relationship with her father.
There's a bit of misinformation in this thread. I would seek legal advice.

SoupDragon · 20/01/2015 11:15

I thought he automatically had PR and would get them awarded by court with no hassle whatsoever.

SoupDragon · 20/01/2015 11:18

It's not automatic but If you want parental responsibility but can’t agree on arrangements with the mother, you can apply for a court order.

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 20/01/2015 11:18

Don't put him on. Don't give a feckless father the responsibility or power of PR

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 20/01/2015 11:19

He could indeed apply to the court but in my experience people like that don't bother. Its hard work isn't it?!

sanityseeker75 · 20/01/2015 11:49

But if he does decide that he wants to be on i then he would apply to the courts and it will cost you if you want legal representation as you will not get legal aid unless DV. He could also get PR at court and apply for contct order.

Also if he steps up and proves he is able to parent when your child s older what are you going t say about why you didn't name him?

Ultimately it is up too you but there are cases for and against adding him - as others suggested find out what your options are both long and short term and make an informed decision.

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/01/2015 11:59

right he does not automatically get parental responsibility by being on the certificate, I had this issue with DP, he was deployed when I registered DS, if he didn't attend the registration he was just named as father but had no rights, if he attended the registration and signed the BC he got parental responsibility.

you can just name him, he could apply for custody should something happen but the courts will decide what is in the best interest of the child and your wishes.

needless to say it was a long 4month wait before we could re-register DS and I went to a solicitor and set up a will giving dad full responsibility should something happen to me.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 20/01/2015 12:37

GingerCuddleMonster I don't know if you are in a different country or if your ds is older and registered under the old regulations but in England you can not put the fathers name if you are not married and he is not there to sign the birth certificate. If the father is on the birth certificate then he automatically gets parental responsibility.

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/01/2015 12:42

I'm in Wales and DS is only 6mo, this is what the registrar told me because we are not married, DP was just named for 4months and had no parental responsibility as he had not signed to say, yes this is my son and I take responsibility.

Perhaps it is different in England, best bet is to phone the registry office and see what they say.

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/01/2015 12:54

this is off the gov.co.UK website

Unmarried parents

An unmarried father can only get legal responsibility for his child in 1 of 3 ways:

jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother (from 1 December 2003)
getting a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
getting a parental responsibility order from a court

so I do think he needs to be there and sign to get it...I can only go off personal experience. DS original short certificate has both me and DP listed as parents but I didn't purchase the full certificate till after we had re registered together and DP had signed, and the original short certificate is still ok legally as nothing has changed.

it's all rather confusing

Sinkingfeeling · 20/01/2015 13:01

I'm a registrar. Registration law is the same in England and Wales. A short birth certificate doesn't name the parents, only gives details of the name and date and place of birth of the child. As Ginger says, an unmarried father can acquire parental responsibility for a child by registering the birth jointly with the mother (or via parental responsibility agreement/court order). Once acquired, it can only removed by court order.

GingerCuddleMonster · 20/01/2015 13:09

yeah I just dug out his short certificate, it only has ds's details on it .

cestlavielife · 20/01/2015 14:11

are you going to claim child maintenance from the father?
what does "basically useless" mean?
if you died and baby was handed over to him what would he do?

you can name another person in your will as a guardian but if he is acknowledged as the father then he could claim him if you died. SS/court could then decide if baby should go to him or not, depending on any welfare issues etc.

but - "basically useless" isn't the same as neglectful, harmful etc. if your ds grow up knoing that xxx is his dad, then he may decide he would rather live with his dad in the event of your death, than with your friend. even if dad is "basically useless" - will depend on many factors wont it? age of child etc. willingness of dad to take him.

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Starlightbright1 · 21/01/2015 18:53

Yes basically useless means nothing.

You seem to not have concerns about access but you do about long term care,,IF I read it right.

I have a will leaving my DS to someone if I die. I have a letter attached to my will stating why Ex is very unsuitable to be a parent and risks to DS. I have been told this will help the case but ultimately should Ex want DS if something happened to me. SS would assess him.

YellowTangerine · 22/01/2015 06:10

Thanks everyone. He has now said that as long as he doesn't have to pay any child support he doesn't want to see her and doesn't care about the birth certificate. So I guess that's sorted

OP posts:

Nolim · 22/01/2015 07:10

Wow.
It is a win win situation i guess. You get rid of a parasite and said parasite removes himself from any responsability.
What a sorry excuse for a father sperm donor.

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