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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Just a quick question

18 replies

Haily111 · 28/09/2006 21:09

I was just watching my daughter (17 weeks) sleeping and i for the life of me can't understand how her father does not want to see her. He hasn't seen her once since she's been born. I mean there must be some interest there right? I love her to bits and just can't get my head around it that he wants nothing to do with her!

Sorry

OP posts:

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marthamoo · 28/09/2006 21:19

I'm not in your position, Hailly, but didn't want your post to go unanswered...I don't know, I don't know how he can stand to be so uninvolved. But, you know - his loss - and maybe one day he will realise what he has lost. Try not to think too much about him - just enjoy your wonderful daughter...they are particularly lovely when they're asleep, aren't they ?

runkid · 28/09/2006 21:45

My son has never seen his dad he has never wanted to it isnt the be all and end all. My son is very happy and i love him to bits. Enjoy this time with your baby and dont worry about anything else

Haily111 · 28/09/2006 21:56

I know and i do really enjoy her. Yes it is his loss, she is such a good girl.

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shebnem · 28/09/2006 22:07

hi Haily111 ,
i dont know what happened between you and him and you got seperated.
and what kind of a person he is i dont know?
may it be because he cant dare to ask to see her?
maybe he is ashamed to ask?

Haily111 · 28/09/2006 22:11

We were together when i fell pregnant, he said he felt too young to be a father (which i accepted). I said i still wanted this baby, he accepted that, but we split up through this. He is now in the army, i phoned him when she was born, to tell him he has a daughter and she is healthy he said congratulations and good luck. He knows he can see her. He is a decent bloke really.

As said i accept it but really cant understand it, as it is a part of his flesh and blood...

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shebnem · 28/09/2006 22:17

i suggest dont lose the contact, just send her pics, etc. i mean not in a pushing way as you said he is young.
maybe in the future he will come to his senses and will want to see her.
so there is a hope still there.
but at the same time you move on with your life.
these are my opinions.

stitch · 28/09/2006 22:18

men dont feel as maternal towards babies as women do. its a biological thing.
it doesnt mean that he wont ever want to see her. as you said, he's a decent bloke. he will just take a while to get round to the idea.
for you, first the pregnancy, then labour, then the 17 weeks of your babies life have been very intense. for him, well, no differnt really than the preceding months and years of his life.
its a biological difference mainly.
congratulations on your dd. enjoy her.

Haily111 · 28/09/2006 22:23

Thank you for those comments. I haven't actually sent any pictures as i thought that would be a slap in the face. What do you think?

Btw he is 23 not sure if that makes a difference!

Yes i agree intense, but thinking back I wouldn't change it for the world :-)

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Judy1234 · 28/09/2006 23:13

Send him regular news and pictures in a low key way without pestering him. What about his parents? They have a moral right to know their grand child and by getting regular contact between them and the baby that might also help him keep in touch too and nice for your daughter.

fattiemumma · 28/09/2006 23:30

think of it this way...if she never meets her dad then she never needs to deal with the disapointment of knowing he is a loser!

Haily111 · 29/09/2006 07:42

His parents don't know. He is South African and therefore his parents live there, there is no way to get in touch with them

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stitch · 29/09/2006 17:22

haily, there is always a way. you just have to find it. your dd has a right to know her grandparents.

Haily111 · 30/09/2006 19:38

Stitch, do you know any South Africans? If so please let me know :-) I have seriously tried to find out his parents address over there, but it isn"t as easy as you think, sadly i cant write Africans. (I also tried putting his name into Google, as i know his parents have some sort cake shop or bakery but it turns out they are not the only ones with that name) The other thing is i agree they have a right to know, but the consequences could be quite bad.

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Tinkerbel5 · 01/10/2006 14:03

Haily do what you feel is right, but be careful cause if you go behind his back and contact his parents he could get angry and not what anything to do with your child at all.

I sympathise with you, been in the same boat.

Maybe just start off with sending him a photo of your child and leave a contact number, then sit back and wait for him to come to you, if he dont then leave it be and move on.

xxx

Haily111 · 01/10/2006 19:28

Tinkerbel5 - thanks for that, this is what i was worried about. The thing is i don't have his address do you think if i send it to the Army Barracks that they will find where he is (i.e. in England) and send it on?

Thank you

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gisi · 01/10/2006 19:38

I think it's a good idea to send him some pics of your dd. Also she will never have to tell you that you didn't try.
Maybe he has anxieties and needs a little push. I also think his parents should know, but you will have to leave that bit to him. Send him a secod set of pics so that he can forward them if he wants to.

Meanwhile enjoy the moments with your little one, they are so precious. X

gisi · 01/10/2006 19:44

sorry, didn't read the bit about the address. normally the forces should be able to pass on any messages.

Best of luck for you xxx

stitch · 02/10/2006 09:36

hailly, i think the best wy forward is to send some pics to the army barracks they should be aaaaable to forward them on.

aaaaas far as the graandprents are concerned. contcting them isnt reaaaaaally a apriority. enjoy your baaby whilst she is still a baby.
did he ever mention anything about what school he went to? whataabout his commaanding officer? get in touch with him aaand ask him to get in touch with his parents? the army is aaaa huge institution, and they take care of there own.
but its noot a priority rememebr

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