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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

what is a normal level of tiredness

12 replies

muser31 · 25/03/2014 18:48

i am hearing it that in general lone parents are exhausted. i am just wanting to know if what i am feeling is within the normal level of exhaustion! for example, dd is a toddler, when she goes to bed i am too tired to do anything else - i will maybe surf the net for about half an hour, get something to eat and go to bed at about 8.30. i just lie there thinking as im too tired to read, and fall asleep between 9.30 - 10.30.

i do get help with dd, and when family or dh takes her, i might do one or 2 tasks and then i just completely flake out, i have no energy or motivation to do any of the goals i set myself and end up just watching a movie or online and then feel guilty ive not done anything. please tell me is this normal? im not depressed, but i am struggling with motivation. dd still gets up at night although she sleeps better than she has done ever, and she is up at dawn every morning.

ive had all my bloods taken (iron, thyroid) and everything is normal. how come others seem to have energy to do things when their dc go to bed, do exercise, studying, hobbies etc etc.

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2014 18:58

I would think that was erring towards the rather unusual side.

What is your activity level like during the day?

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muser31 · 25/03/2014 20:33

some days i am running after dd all day - going to park meeting friends etc... she is very demanding and active. i go to gym a couple of times a week. but on other days, when i expect that rest would help, i feel like it doesn't help and im almost just as tired after the gym or rest than before. i have an appointment booked for the doc a couple of weeks away i just hope they take it seriously as ive been before and they didn't

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warmleatherette · 25/03/2014 22:32

It sounds normal to me. I have only just - and through a massive effort of will - started managing to stay awake in the evenings. Until very recently I woud fall asleep at 8.30pm with the children. People suggested iron deficiencies etc, but I think I was just exhausted. It is only now that they have both started sleeping through (they are 4 and 5, one is home ed so no break during the day), which I think coincides with my ability to stay awake in the evenings. I feel like I'm finally coming back to myself and am able to think about what I would like to do with the time. How old is your DD?

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2014 22:38

At least your active during the day, sometimes I find that the less I do the more knackered I am

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muser31 · 26/03/2014 06:33

dd is 2.5. i keep thinking theres something wrong with me, mum thinks its exhaustion due to being on m own with dd. warm has your kids sleeping through made a huge difference to your energy or just a little. i always thought it would make a massive difference when she started sleeping better but i am stlll totally wrecked.

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ElBumpo · 26/03/2014 07:38

Sounds normal to me. I was exhausted all the time with my DC, even when they slept through. Now they're older and less demanding, I still get tired easily. I think I just need a lot of rest generally!
I have had periods of depression but I would be so tired I couldn't even stay awake in the day then.
Running around after a toddler all day and making it to 10pm at night is really good going in my book :D

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muser31 · 26/03/2014 10:19

thank you. its so not easy... i just need to keep telling myself its normal to be tired with toddlers and some people just need more rest than others... i think i am still trying to get the lies of my ex out of my head as he always criticised me for being tired (even though i was ill, or breastfeeding, or pregnant or whatever it was) - he always said there was something wrong with me, and i think now that i still feel so exhausted i am struggling with believing there really is something wrong with me especially when i hear about other lone parents who do all this stuff when their kids go to bed! and im an ambitious person which doesn't help .... i have all these goals and plans and then beat myself up cos none of them are happening. thanks for making me feel better. will still get to the doctor to moan to him to see if he thinks its normal!

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warmleatherette · 26/03/2014 10:24

muser i feel like myself again, but an old exhausted version of myself who has been through a lot of shit and who has had to let her career disappear to look after two little ones single-handedly, and is wondering how to pick up the pieces....

but this is an improvement, because all i could do before was to get through the day. i had to live entirely in the here and now: perform the mundane tasks of motherhood and then collapse in a pile of unsorted laundry, too sleepy even for telly.

i honestly think you sound normal. it is exhausting running round after a little one. also i am older - 42 now - which doesn't help.

i would say don't berate yourself if you need to go to bed with DD every single night. it will get better. just probably not till she's 4 or 5.

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muser31 · 26/03/2014 10:43

thanks warm. im sorry you have had such a time of it.... you have done something amazing in giving up your career to benefit the life of your 2 dc and you should be so proud of that :)

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warmleatherette · 26/03/2014 11:19

haha! well, thanks. i want it back though! i need it back! how else am i going to support us?

my ex was abusive too so i feel you on that one. try to get his words out of your head. you're doing a great job. all of us single mummies are.

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Lonecatwithkitten · 26/03/2014 12:07

You say you have ha all your bloods done, but only mention thyroid and iron. Have you had ESR, ANA, Rheumatoid factor, Folate, cobalamin and Vitamin D done?
There are a raft or autoimmune diseases that can have your symptoms, I have three of them and they need thorough investigation to rule them out.
I felt like you do now on each occasion I was diagnosed and treatment brings a virtually immediate improvement.
The second time I hd the symptoms for three years I put it down to having a dawn riser, working full time running my own business etc. In truth it was none of that it was pernicious anaemia. The moment I feel it starting again now I give myself a B12 injection and within 48 hours I am back up to par.

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muser31 · 26/03/2014 12:11

hi lonecat - no i haven't had all those done, i have been taking vit d supplements though. they never suggested anything like that. i so wish i could afford private treatment - they never investigate anything properly for me at the nhs, since i had an eating disorder for years they just blame everything on that.

it must be very difficult trying to function with 3 diseases that affect your energy. in some ways i just wish i could get diagnosed with something so i could get treated and feel better.... maybe it is just tiredness, but i will try to be persistent with the doc to see if he will help me rule everything else out.