Should I tell XH if DD is going for a sleepover?

[Noregrets78]

We've had a 'bit of an issue' tonight. DD has gone for a sleepover. She phoned her Dad as she always does to say goodnight, which was the first he knew of her being at someone else's house. Not impressed.

He also can't stand the family she's staying with, but that's a whole separate issue.

I'm a bit new to this lark. Would you expect to tell your DC's Dad if they were not in your care for a night?

[Numberlock]

No, unless his issue is a serious concern with this family?

[Noregrets78]

Would be serious if it was true, but is all based on rumours. I didn't realise he'd put a ban on DD going to play (not communicated to me!), so a bit of a shock to find out she's staying the night.

He's bit of a FW anyway, and a recent split. I'm trying to learn again how to make decisions for myself, and then to stand by them. He makes me question everything I do. I'm standing by my decision to let her stay, and refusing to let him guilt trip me. Trying to work out if I told him in advance would it help, or would that be offering too much intrusion!

[WafflyVersatile]

Well he can't expect you to act in line with his parenting decisions if he doesn't communicate them to you.

Also when she's in your care she is your responsibility and it is your decision whether she can do x, y or z. This within whatever rough guidelines you've decided between yourselves. Neither of you should be micromanaging the other's parenting while in the care of the other.

As for this particular family he thinks something is the case and you don't but I don't/can't know so no advice on that.

[ProtectiveMother]

I don't think he has to know unless it's in another country that she's staying over ;-)

[lostdad]

In answer to your original question - no. You don't need to. You're a responsible parent and wouldn't let your daughter stay somewhere she isn't safe.

He should be the same so if the situation is reversed he wouldn't have to let you know.

[Noregrets78]

As I thought. Thanks all!