DD's School Play and the Ex

[Snorbs]

Apologies in advance but I need to vent about my fucking bastarding self-centred arsing cunt-badgering alcoholic shitbag of an ex.

My ex goes from sober for a few weeks/months and then drunk out of her tiny mind for a few weeks/months. She doesn't get to see our DCs when she's drunk but I used to encourage contact when she was sober. As my DCs have got older, and particularly after an unpleasant incident last year with their mum, they have been increasingly reluctant to see her and I've been letting them take the lead on this. They've only seen her a few times in the last six months although I'm pretty sure she's been sober. She is supposed to phone twice a week on set days - again, this is what DCs wanted. She has been fairly reliable over the last few months.

DD did her end-of-year school play last night (when I went with DS) and is doing it again tonight (when ex was supposed to be going).

Ex missed the weekend phone call and has gone no-contact. DCs are now worrying about what's up with her. Yesterday I heard via a mutual friend that ex is drunk.

This all presents me with a big dilemma. If I tell DD that I know her mum's drinking again, DD is going to worry like mad that her mum's going to turn up at the play pissed and spoil her final performance. Which might just happen anyway. If I tell her after the performance then she'll be up half the night worrying and she'll really need her sleep as she was knackered last night. If I don't tell DD, she's going to worry anyway.

How the fuck do you deal with this kind of bullshit? This is DD's last year in primary school and so her last school play there. This is a time when she's been so excited about moving on to secondary as well as apprehensive about what a change it will be and everything else. And now on top of all that she's got to cope yet again with her useless fuckwitted selfish twat of a mother getting pissed rather than staying off the sauce for just a few more days so she could turn up and see the play.

I'm so pissed off with all this. The damage she's caused to our children is unforgivable. I wish she'd either sober up or fuck off for good as just drifting in and out of the DCs' lives like this is not helping.

[foolonthehill]

so hard for your DCs, and for you.

No wisdom I am afraid...i am sure your DD knows that you are immensely proud and supportive of her. They say a child will thrive with just one loving, interested, significant adult in their life...and you and your family are going to prove it.

My rule of thumb is never tell them more than they need but never lie ...you can't stop them worrying but you can keep on telling them that it is not their fault, they can't change her ,they can love her but still dislike the choices their mother makes in her life.

[cestlavielife]

above was wise indeed.

you cannot do anything other than support your DC as best you can.

all you can do is say you dont know for sure what is going on with her - as it's only what the mutual friend has said - you could say somehting bland like you hear she is around somewhere without going into details (eg if dc worried she dead; if they clue dup on her drinking and ask outright then you can only say what you have heard, pointing out you dont know first hand)

can you go to the play again tonight? just to be on hand ?