Do I have any rights when ex doesnt show for his contact with dd?

[chocolatespiders]

The last 3 contact weekends ex has not shown up for contact with dd (10). We have a contact order (5years old) he normally has her every other weekend from Friday.

I am getting more and more frustrated that he can pick and choose if he arrives or not and leaves dd feeling let down.

[cestlavielife]

no you cant force him .
keep a record tho.

[betterthanever]

Yes, you can go back to court for a variation of the original order but only missing three is unlikely to make a court change it, esp if that is three is 5 years.

[chocolatespiders]

Thanks I will look into that> Its not only missing 3 to dd though it is a big deal to her and is feeling very let down.

[betterthanever]

I am sure DD would be upset at missing one but just being realistic about how the court would view it and your ex knows that. It isn't right but how it is and you never know on occasion you may wish to miss one or two and then it's ok for you too. A bit of flexibility is fine.

[chocolatespiders]

Its okay I realise you were only telling me how it is in the family courts. DD has missed one weekend with him so she could go away with cubs but like the ciourt order requests I gave 4 weeks notice. He just doesnt turn up when dd is sat waiting for him and we know nothing about the reasons why, its just so frustrating because I dont plan anything that includes dd for the weekends she is with him so everything is thrown a bit upside down. And I dont get to go out and drink heavily!!!

[narmada]

Contact orders are court orders and therefore have to be complied with. They are not optional. If he fails to stick to the terms he can face penalties. Speak to a solicitor?

WHY do men do this???

[betterthanever]

That is the thing narmada sadly he doesn't, only the OP can face penalties, the system needs to change. Yes she can go back get a variation and he may have contact reduced but if he doesn't want it anyway it is no loss. People of either sex can get orders and then not take it up themselves and there are no penalties. But then you would not want someone to just have contact so as not to get a penalty as that may harm the child. So whilst the system needs to change it is hard to change.

[chocolatespiders]

I guess I just have to lump it then and hope he gets his act together for DD;s sake.
I dont want him to have contact if it is not what he wants but the sudden change of things has left me shocked.

[littlemisssarcastic]

If it is out of character for your ex not to show up, I think I'd wait a while and see if it returns to normal.
Seems a bit OTT to go to court just yet when things may return to normal quite quickly.

Courts offer no punitive measures AFAIK to NRP's who fail to show up for contact, they are more likely to bend in the NRP's favour tbh just to keep contact going.
There's not much more they can do at the moment although I wish there was.

[Spero]

Sorry, it is crap but the law only operates to force parents to allow contact, not to make parents go to contact.

But if he continues to mess her around like that, the court may well be sympathetic to a variation of the order. Perhaps he can only cope with less contact.

Can you find out where he is and why he isn't turning up?

[narmada]

Good grief, what was I thinking? Of course that's the case. Duh. Sorry OP for duff advice. My brain's gone to sleep.

[chocolatespiders]

Thats okay don't worry about it - I know that feeling well. Basically they do have to be complied with but only by me and if I don't comply he could go back to court for an enforcement on the order which if not complied with could result in a prison sentence

Shame it does not work both ways!!