ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
I feel so lonely. Sigh(32 Posts)
Well title says it all. I'm lonely, but I'm one of those people that put on a front and act like I'm ok all the time. When inside I'm not really. I just really want someone to talk to. I'm feeling really low, I can't really explain how I'm feeling. But I know it's rubbish.
I'm 27 with 3 young children. There isn't anyone who would want me (not thinking about now- even in 10 years). Anyone feel the same way?
~Shybairns~ I think you are wise. I think it's good advice to say that being honest, while being scary, will show you fairly quickly who your real friends are! Think I need this advice myself! Tend to be fairly secretive- in self-protect mode- but being like this can be isolating!!
Also... Come on now... Do tell us about these good dating sites you mentioned! ;-) Plenty of Fish seems more like Old Boots and Other Crappy Debris... :-D
as was said before too, why do people (wives) think that single women are the black widow and always after their husbands?!?
I know someone like that, she cant stand anyone single around her precious DH (and hes not exactly a dreamboat anyway!) yet is quite happy for another married one to be around him.
they must think we're so desperate well go after anything male.
and yy i get so lonely too especially once DCs in bed. makes one feel scared too doesnt it? all dark outside and you're on your own downstairs.
I pretended for a long time when I was living withy alcoholic ex that everything was fine. In some ways it was easier.
Then I came clean- and told everyone we had split up. I told quite a few people the reason why. I was just fed up of covering up.
That honesty has changed a lot for me. People at work understand why I don't want any more responsibility or to be promoted. They know why I leave on the dot. Why I don't have any money. And why I don't particularly look forward to family like holidays like Easter and Xmas!
To be honest things are much much easier know I have told the truth. People have been sympathetic not judgmental. And they offer me help occasionally.
But more than that I feel liberated- as though I'm not hiding a shameful secret. I do recommend it!
Im from north west, though I work in north London.
I am so proud of myself of the things I've achieved on my own, my children are beautiful and I think I'm doing a good job. Though you're right.. I need to stop pretending!
U should never feel embarrassed and everyone makes mistakes when it comes to men, being a single mum is hard and lonely as uv stated ! But uv got ALOT to be proud of!! U may find that there are other people alot like u and u could support each other !
I would have thought in London you are less likely to be judged - maybe people make small talk to be friendly ,they don't mean harm.
Everyone has a right to decide how they are running their life.
Which part of London are you?
Touchofstuffing you are totally right. These men should be judged and I think the ones who walk out and don't pay for their children or see them, are a disgrace. But sometimes I think that my life can be a bit of a drama sometimes because of him, I'm stressed because of him, I get upset when the dc are asking for him. And I think some people might just think of me as some gossip to talk about if that makes sense?
Thornrose I live in London, but maybe it's the area I'm in?
Lea I don't judge single mums- I meant my situation. In that I have been a single mother since day 1 (so 7 years ago) but have gone back to the same dickhead man and had another 2 children with him. That's what I meant. for example he was in prison for a year whilst I was pregnant so when people were talking to me generally, saying 'I hope dad is helping out in the night' ect.. I would just say yes, or something because what could I say?
I really don't understand the judging single mothers thing - and I am not trying to be difficult. I don't get it. Why don't people judge men who walk out instead? Or is it assumed we are all ho bags who can't keep our knickers on and lust after benefits?
I keep seeing that other mothers think I am about to steal their husbands, (being as single mum, not me personally!) and thinking, F OFF! Why would I want one of those messy/smelly/useless things? You keep him!
I was going to be really nice but then seen u hide the fact u are a single mum and u would judge urself.... Therefor judging all of us.... Thats is all.
Oh yes, I do that too, the summer thing, and Easter and Christmas and next month
I lived in London for most of dd's life and there were loads of single mums so that never worried me. I moved to West Sussex and I notice that there are many more "traditional" 2 parent families which makes me feel uncomfortable.
Thank you, at least I know there's others in the same boat. I think as well because the kids are in bed by 8 I literally do not physically speak to anyone until the next day.
I just feel embarrassed though as my children are so young, I shouldn't be a single mum. I can be a bit shy and lack confidence around new people so to add being a single mum in, I think they might think of me in a bad light.
I give up on weight loss clubs- in the last I've joined so many times. Just to fail each time. Each year I say 'this summer I'm going to be skinny!' Then summer passes and I'm still fat!
BeOrganised - I know how you feel. I only have one child but she has AS and I really can't imagine any man taking us on.
I've been a lone parent since she was 1 she's now 13.
I've also put on weight from sitting on the sofa watching tv.
I can't help but I can certainly empathise.
I don't know what job you re doing but in my company everyone knows I am a single parent.
Parents in general have tough time when kids are unwell + school related visits and plays.
If they know you are on your own they will be more understanding and you won't have to pretend.
You said you want to stop pretending - perhaps first step would be easiest at work
and I know its not the same as a physical person but mumsnet provides so much company for me, so glad i found mn.
Op, I could have written this thread.
have a with me. actually im having a hic! atm but anyway.
but seriously im in same position, cant find childminder, cant go outm anyway, like my own company...
its just these times when DCs in bed and itd be nice to be with someone to cuddle on the sofa.
*BeOrganised I know that being liked by people for just being you is such an amazing feeling. Don't be under the illusion that others are living really interesting lives. Most people (as you can see from MN) have the same worries as you.
Maybe find an evening weight loss group to attend. Your family would not mind babysitting once a week for something so positive and health related. And you would make friends and have some support with the weight loss.
Being loved for all that you are good and bad, will set you free.
So be honest with people. You'll know who your true friends are as a consequence.
Yes it definitely is, I need to get out if this rut and shake it off. I'm going to wallow in self pity until Monday. Monday is the magic day where my troubles will go away!
I think everyone needs a break from routine. Not all the time but sometimes. You sound a bit stuck to me. And despondent as a result. The weight gain is probably comfort eating.
No I hate asking for favours! Everyone is so busy in my family and the fact that they would do it, makes me not want to ask because I don't want to be a burden.
Deep down I'm a positive person! How have I come to this?
You don't sound boring. Weight loss is hard if you can't get out and exercise. Why not ask for favours? People often like to feel useful.
My children are 7,2,1. It confuses people that I'm a single parent because they are so young. Plus in real life at work ect no one knows I am single because I pretend I'm not! Yes I'm that sad and scared of the stigma attached to being a single parent. I worry that the mums at dc1s school will judge me, I would judge myself.
I can't leave the house because the kids are all asleep. Can't afford babysitter. Family would come round but I don't ask for help, plus its not their job to be babysitting for me because I chose to have 3 children with an alcoholic and a horrible man in general.
I would be to scared to have a relationship, think I am too boring, my role as a mum first will probably put men off.
Hmm wish list..
1. Loose 5 stones and be slim again!
2. Stop being boring
3. I would like some sort of relationship where I can be honest and not have to always put up a front.
4. Win the lottery
Why do you think no one would want you?
Is there a lot gojng on? Can you break it down in to a wish list - we can help
Why can't you leave the house? Maybe this disatisfaction means you are ready for a change. Do you think you want another relationship? Or just more of a social life?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.