Arguing again because of this....

[exissuesagain]

Today I went to a Christening and ex dp has our chidren. Usually all is fine and he is great with them.

I get a phone call from him telling me that youngest ds has wet himself and he has no spare pants. Could I phone my mum and ask her to run some up (she live 5 mins away from him). I said no. He said he was cooking something and was taking out in 40 mins so couldnt do anything.

A. He lives 2 mins from Tesco. B. ds could go commando in spare trousers. C. He could have hand washed the pants and tumble dried them.

Now I have had abusive texts because I am selfish. His friend went to Tesco for him and got some new pants so he is now wonderful and I am awful.

Seriously though. Was I in the wrong? Why should my family go out of their way? I dont even think they have clothes anymore and I wasnt about to start making phone calls when I was at a Christening party.

[Fleecyslippers]

You are not in the wrong. It is his responsibility to keep a spare change of clothes at his house for exactly this reason. Don't respond to the texts and keep taking deep breaths.
Ex keeps nothing for the children. He once had to go to Tesco and buy a spare pair of trousers for DD. When he dropped them off, he made DD come in and take the trousers off and give them back to him whilst he waited outside (She brought the vomitty ones home in a bag)
I wouldn't mind if the moron paid any maintenance

[exissuesagain]

Thank you! He just doesnt get that he is in the wrong here. I have had all sorts of abuse from him.

He is due to drop the kids off soon so I will tell him to buy some spare clothes for them.

[Fleecyslippers]

Don't take the abuse and don't engage.
Seriously - I know now that most of Ex and Ows antics are simply designed to get a reactio and it's more frustrating for them when they don't get one. If he can't see that having a change of clothes is the best thing for his kids, then he's a selfish man and he will probably ALWAYS be one.

[betterthanever]

You are NOT wrong.
How does he think you manage the rest of the time... I agree with fleecy whilst you sound very reasonable try not to engage because he is not. The only line I would ever give is `when DC is in your care they are your responsibility* does he not realise what a useless twunt he sounded to you - but does he care - probably not.

[blackeyedsusan]

oh dear.

when h lived here, one of the children spilt something on the floor... I said it would have to be cleaned up... while h is standing here processing this sentence, one year old (nearly 2 or possibly just 2) ds has run across the room, got the stool, carried it over to the cupboard, stood on the stool, got down the wet wipes, (been given help to open the packet) taken a wet wipe and wiped up the mess. I mean, fancy having more sense at age 1 or 2 than a grown man

your ex sounds about as useful as mine.

[Tewa]

You are not being unreasonable. He (should be) a fully independent parent and he should act like one.

Simple as that.

[sanityseeker75]

You are not wrong - I would not expect DH ex to drop round spare clothes I would have them or go and get them or as someone else said just wash and dry them - presumably they have PJ's or something he could have slipped on. I have had to put my DSS in my tshirt in past when had a particularly bad sick bug and went through all their clothes! Some people!

[exissuesagain]

Thank you all. He still firmly believes that I am in the wrong and that I am selfish blah blah blah.

He hasnt worked since October and I seriously he is depressed. He is so negative. When my children are with him he will only watch films he likes, play computer games and thats about it. Am I within my rights to reduce visit times until he sorts himself out?

I honestly thinks he only has them because its the right thing to do. They are much behaved when they dont see him for a few days.