Can I refuse an access visit in my own home?

[mama2moo]

Exdp usually has our children at his place for his visits. Today he asked to come here and I said no so he hasnt seen them.

I do feel bad but I really dont want him in my house. He has a reason for not having them at his place today but is crap IMO. He could easily of picked them up.

Would you have done the same?

[queenofthepirates]

Well it's your house, your rules so you can do as you please. Without knowing what his reason for not wanting to take them to his house, it's kind of hard to say if any of us would have done the same though....

Curious, what's the reason?

[brightwell]

My ex doesn't come in, back in the early days following our split, he would come in, and it would usually get nasty. He would go to the loo & then lie on my bed & refuse to leave, or he'd become verbally abusive towards me in front of dc. I moved into this house 10 years ago and he's never set foot over the threshold. And that's the way I like it, his past behaviour has dictated how things are now.

[brightwell]

My ex doesn't come in, back in the early days following our split, he would come in, and it would usually get nasty. He would go to the loo & then lie on my bed & refuse to leave, or he'd become verbally abusive towards me in front of dc. I moved into this house 10 years ago and he's never set foot over the threshold. And that's the way I like it, his past behaviour has dictated how things are now.

[brightwell]

My ex doesn't come in, back in the early days following our split, he would come in, and it would usually get nasty. He would go to the loo & then lie on my bed & refuse to leave, or he'd become verbally abusive towards me in front of dc. I moved into this house 10 years ago and he's never set foot over the threshold. And that's the way I like it, his past behaviour has dictated how things are now.

[brightwell]

ooops sticky post button

[brightwell]

Couldn't your ex have taken them out somewhere?

[mama2moo]

Thanks all. His reason was that he is studying, he has been studying for the last 2 months for this exam (he isnt working at the mo so has all day everyday) His place is a 5 minute drive from mine and he said he wouldnt have them there because he would only be able to spare an hour and half of that would be taken in travelling??!!

This is after I know that he has been out this weekend, he has been to the cinema and has been to the gym (all known because of his FB updates)

[kinkyfuckery]

If he was studying and couldn't spare the time, why not just cancel the visit altogether? Why suggest he comes to yours? That's weird, I wonder if he had a different reason to want to come in your house.

You are perfectly within your rights to not allow him into your home. My ex keeps coming in and this far I haven't had the balls to stand firm and tell him no. I'm seeing my solicitor again this week about something so will ask if she has any spares balls she can loan me

[mama2moo]

Kinky - I thought there might be another reason. He is such a lazy shit. He has had months to study and he knows the stuff anyway. Its just an excuse.

Me and my girls have had a great day though. I had forgotten how nice it is to have a whole weekend with them

[DoubleYew]

Yeah that sounds like a reediculous excuse, must be something else going on.

I think it is considered good form to offer your house if dc are too ill to go out for example. But if you don't want to, don't.

[Piemother]

You do not have to allow him entry. Human rights law right to private and family life can be used to support this. Not that hopefully you would need to go that far!

[purpleroses]

Sounds like he was trying to make an excuse to not see them anyway, and possibly wanted you to be the bad guy who said no, rather than him just being honest and saying it couldn't be bothered.

No, you're absolutely within your rights to say he must take them out or back to his, rather than host the visit in your home.