ExH and I are currently in family court under his application for shared residence and 50:50 EOW parenting time. Prior to this, I have been the resident parent and they have spent 2/3 nights per week regular and established time with him for the last 5 years.
Both children (12 and 14) seem to want this arrangement and therefore we are currently trialling it. There are a host of issues that ExH and I have, mostly in terms of his need to control and double standards that he holds for me yet cannot himself fulfil. I could go on and on, but it really wont be anything new to those with difficult and manipulative ex's.
Whatever the issues he may have with me, I dont have an issue generally with him as a parent. Sure, I would prefer he didnt badmouth me or feel the need to discuss our financial arrangements or opinions of me as a parent to them, but I would not say there are any welfare issues and the children seem to like being with him and his wife.
However, I feel strongly that the EOW is not working for several reasons - timetabling, communication, organisational issues for the children, very different home structures and parenting principles in addition to the fact that I feel the children have gone from having 'two homes but one main base' to 'two homes but no home'.
I feel so strongly about this - that the children need a stable home with 'regular and frequent contact' with the other parent, that I genuinely think it would be better for them if that home was EITHER with me or their father, but not 50:50.
Am I totally mad to think that I could be suggesting that I would be the one that sees them every other weekend, Friday to Monday, and a midweek overnight/dinner? I cant get over the idea that I believe stability to be so important that I would 'give up' being the main resident parent so they can have that elsewhere. But I do think that. He has indicated that there is no way that he would voluntarily go back to the previous arrangement as this new 50:50 is what the children want.
But when does what is best for the children overide what they want? I am sure they want this to make things 'fair and equal' (ExH likes to talk of this alot..) but I dont see the fair and equal thing really - surely they should be having what they Need, not what is equal in timeshare?
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3 replies
valerieblue · 15/11/2012 13:00
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